Justin Verlander’s Sports Illustrated covergirl and technically-sports-related girlfriend Kate Upton has been pretty light on the photoshoots since bikini season ended, but her latest from CR Fashion Book magazine (entitled “Hush Lil Baby, Don’t You Cry”) has hit the web, and it’s … pretty weird.
The easiest way to describe it is that it’s Kate Upton with baby animals. And babies. And guys in bear costumes. I think she’s supposed to be Mother Nature? It’s like somebody took her Peter Cottontail video and decided to make it SUPER SERIOUS. I don’t even know.
Anyway, you can check out the pictures after the jump. I’ve also included a video from the shoot at the end of the gallery (thanks to the Internet’s closest-working Kate Upton representative, Mr. Jimmy Traina of SI’s Hot Clicks), and if you were hoping it’d establish some kind of narrative … yeah, no.
Not the bees! AHHHHHHH Ahgarbulagabah my eyes! my eyes! AHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHhhhurgh!
Coors Field and the Colorado Rockies were overrun by a swarm of bees during Thursday afternoon’s game against the Arizona Diamondbacks, and because DenverPost.com used “Coors Field was buzzing” and “bee-lieve it” puns in the first two sentences of their report, I’ll let them handle the recap:
In the fifth inning, a swarm of bees staked claim to a post in a camera well near the Rockies’ dugout. The sudden invasion by the winged creatures sent Rockies players scurrying to the opposite end of the dugout.
The game was halted briefly when Diamondbacks first-base coach Eric Young Sr. was forced away from his position, and photographers and TV cameramen fled the bees. The players never left the diamond.
Yes, that’s Real Madrid goalkeeper Iker Casillas picking his nose and wiping it on a child’s face. It’s the acting out of how Jose Canseco treated me when I tried to get his autograph when I was 7. (Via Sportress.)
The best part is that a guy who can create exploding chemistry bombs is getting bossed around by his wife. “That’s it, you’re DONE!” I’d be like, “f**k you, eat a face of death bubbles” and just spread gun that sh*t at her. Via Buzzfeed.
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20 Most Cromulent ‘Simpsons’ GIFs - I was hoping the Grandpa Simpson “walks in, sees Bart, turns right around and leaves” gif from the Maison Derrière would make the cut. [Warming Glow]
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The 10 Definitive Nicolas Cage GIFs - It must be weird when 10% of you is a genius, and 90% of you is just AHHH THE BEES NOT THE BEES NOT THE BEES AHGGGHHHH [UPROXX]
International Trailer For The Amazing Spider-Man Shows New Action - Spider-Man battles The Shocker, can’t see him because he’s looking through yellow eyes, gets shocked, dies. [Gamma Squad]
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Shirtless Jeff Goldblum Pretty Much Demanded Jurassic Parks And Rec To Happen - That “I thought it was terrible wine” line still makes me laugh. Everything needs to get mashed up with Jurassic Park. [UPROXX]
Bill O’Reilly To Kate Upton: “Get Off My Lawn!” - Re-linked here to help meet our Kate Upton quota for the day. The best part is that O’Reilly thinks the dancing is what we like about her video. [With Leather]
Ten More GIFs Of Jeremy Lin, The Most Undeniably Exciting Thing In Sports Right Now - The most exciting thing about sports is that pitchers and catchers report this month, but I’ll give it to them, Lin is #2. #3 is slam dunks! [Buzzfeed]
Man Suffers Heart Attack While Eating at Heart Attack Grill - Hold on, I need to put in my monocle before I write about this story. [Popcrush]
11 Crappiest Movies Of Michael Caine’s Career - “Come on, it wasn’t that funny of a movie” has to be this generation’s most damning insult. Also, Cars 2 blew so hard. [Pajiba]
Eight Giant Movie Plot Holes in Eight Images - Some of these are good (the Toy Story one in particular made me go, “ha, oh man, you’re right”) and some aren’t (Star Trek, Jurassic Park). Regardless, it’s something I’d like to see more of. [Unreality]
Nas Tells His Craziest Party Story Ever - “One time when I was chillin’, I grabbed the buddha, got my crew to buy beers, and I watched a flick … of course, I was both illin’ and rooting for the villian. Anyway … huh?” [Brobible]
UPROXX 2012 Grammy Awards Open Thread - In case you need to know what everyone’s talking about this morning. Quick recap: Adele won everything, Whitney Houston died, Nicki Minaj blows. [UPROXX]
Whitney Houston Dies At 48 - And if you missed that part, recreate the media’s response to Whitney’s death by playing the first 30 seconds of “I Will Always Love You” on loop. [Smoking Section]
George Lucas says Greedo ALWAYS shot first, you were just confused - I don’t want to be too crude on this blog, but George Lucas can eat my entire asshole. [Film Drunk]
A Compendium of Cool Comics Cosplay: February 10th - I’m not in this one, but you should check it out anyway. Big Barda ftmfw. [Gamma Squad]
Let’s Overanalyze These New ‘Game of Thrones’ Photos - Spoiler alert: all major characters die in the first episode of the new season, are replaced by those characters’ cousins. And Ashton Kutcher. [Warming Glow]
Nic Cage Broke His Legendary Time-Traveling Vampire Silence On Letterman - How did it get born? How did it get born HOW DID IT GET BORN? [UPROXX]
20 People Who Think Oprah Is Whitney Houston - Buzzfeed is making a killing off the 20 stupidest people to tweet every day. 20 people who think the moon is made of sandwiches! [Buzzfeed]
Newton Abbey: Newt Gingrich’s ‘Dream Team’ Photo Reminiscent Of ‘Downton Abbey’ - As if Newt could ever be that cool. [HuffPost Comedy]
Ahmed Best talks about a deleted Jar Jar Binks scene that really would have redeemed his character and made a huge difference in The Phantom Menace - Han and Greedo have guns pointed at each other, but instead of one shooting they both shoot Jar Jar. Is that what he’s talking about? [FARK]
Five Things About the Phantom Menace That Didn’t Suck - Lots of Star Wars links today, I guess. Thing 6: Jake Lloyd never acted again. [Unreality]
Norwegian News Mistakes Joke T-Shirt For Actual Eye Chart - Way to go, Norwegia. Some poor guy is walking around with a nickel, trying to buy a mustache ride. [The FW]