The Toronto Maple Leafs haven’t touched the Stanley Cup in 46 years. That’s not the worst of it — they haven’t touched the playoffs since 2004, when they went out in game 6 of round 2 in a 3-2 overtime loss to the Philadelphia Flyers. This year, the drought is over. Well, the playoffs one. We’re still a long way from the Stanley Cup. The Leafs are playoffs bound, and folks like CBC Sports are having fun pointing out how ridiculously different life is since that final, sad game 6:

You won’t see a photo of Belfour making a save in Game 6 posted on Instagram, because it was still six years away from being invented. In fact, Instagram started as an iPhone app, and the first-generation iPhone was still three years away from introduction.

No one has ever tweeted about a Leafs playoff game. Twitter was still almost two years away from launch when the Leafs were eliminated by the Flyers. (via CBC)

Hey, look, I can play: Nobody ever made a Vine video about a Leafs Stanley Cup win, because computers weren’t a thing in 1967. With Leather has never written about a Maple Leafs Cup victory because Brandon was still over a decade away from being born!

Anyway, Leafs fans are taking advantage of this playoffs miracle by getting out all the ridiculous questions, ideas and requests they’ve been holding inside since 2004. For example, have you ever wondered how far the International Space Station has traveled in orbit since then? SOMEBODY HAS.

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Niklas Hjalmarsson of the Chicago Blackhawks suffered a great indignity on Monday night … not only did he have to sit in the penalty box, he had to watch the Vancouver Canucks Green Men pull off a terrible magic trick. Sorry, Niklas, next time we’ll try to get you tickets to Celine Dion. (via NIS)

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Links

Bro Shares Harrowing Tale Of Being Stuck With One-Night Stand During Boston Lockdown |UPROXX|

Here’s A Bunch Of Pictures Of Daenerys Set To Van Halen’s ‘On Fire’ |Warming Glow|

Reese Witherspoon Is Super Sorry, Y’all |Film Drunk|

Hey Everyone, Look At How Edgy Rihanna Was Being At The Heat Game! |With Leather|

Why ‘Futurama’ Should Go Exclusively Online |Gamma Squad|

13 NBA Players You’d Want On Your Side In A Fight |Smoking Section|

Why Do NFL Player’s Hate America? |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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So yesterday, I was all, “Wow, did you guys see those baseball teams and especially the New York Yankees and Milwaukee Brewers being so awesome by playing Sweet Caroline and the Cheers theme to honor the people of Boston in the wake of the Boston Marathon bombing?” And people were all, “Yeah, that was awesome, nothing will ever top that!” Then we all cyber-bro-hugged for world peace and called it a day, right?

Well, last night, the Boston Bruins were like, “That was pretty cool, baseball, but we’ve got this now” and Rene Rancourt took the ice to sing the National Anthem before the Bruins took on the Buffalo Sabres. About 15 seconds in, Rancourt signaled the crowd and he put the mic down to let the Boston faithful do the rest.

It’s moments like this that truly make sports such an important reminder that humanity exists. It may be under attack, but humanity is still alive and well within most of us.

With just two weeks left until the 2013 NFL Draft begins, we’re in desperate need of a talking head who can tell us all about what a quarterback needs to succeed in professional football. But it can’t just be any person with a mouth and pulse, it has to be someone who possesses that uncanny ability to talk to us like we’re complete morons. And for good measure, let’s make sure that person has a knack for starting every description of a man with “This guy right here…”

Haha, just kidding! We have Jon Gruden, the one-time Hooters cook who collects big ass paychecks to interrogate college QBs entering the NFL Draft about their skills and mental toughness in a way that makes us, the viewers, feel like we’re watching The Muppets. I, for one, am glad to have Gruden’s QB Camp in our lives, today at 5 PM ET on ESPNU and 7 and 7:30 PM ET on ESPN 2 just in case you’re running through a really long airport or train station and miss the first two.

Also, it’s the only show on TV that gives us faces like this…

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And now, Taylor Hall turning into Yojimbo to slash Zbynek Michalek in the third period of Edmonton’s 3-1 loss to the Phoenix. Just straight-up raising a hockey stick over his head and trying to cut a man open from withers to brisket. Spoiler alert: No penalty was called. Whoops!

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Pittsburgh’s 96.1 KISS FM Morning Freak Show, hosted by Mikey and Big Bob, responded to a Twitter rumor yesterday that Pittsburgh Penguins star Sidney Crosby is dating country-turned-pop star Taylor Swift. Normally, I’d be like, “Stupid morning radio bros startin’ poop with awful photoshops” but not this time, because this rumor totally seems like it could be true.

For example, Swift is playing at the Amway Center tonight in my beloved Bethlehem of the meth belt, Orlando, and I wouldn’t even flinch if someone walked up to me in a strip club and said, “Hey I heard Sidney Crosby’s in town because Taylor Swift is playing a show tonight” because she has a different boyfriend every week. In fact, I’m shocked that she hasn’t dated Crosby yet. Hell, any pro athlete for that matter.

So because it’s eventually going to happen, and Swift will break up with whichever athlete she gets her talons on (please be Tebow, please be Tebow…) and then she’ll write an entire album about him, I took the liberty of writing her first hit single off that album.

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