The above image of a pizza order was posted to Reddit over the weekend, as a Vancouver Canucks fan ordered his tropical chicken pizza for pickup on Friday night, presumably at the start of the third period, when Vancouver was trailing the San Jose Sharks 1-0. But Ryan Kesler tied the game within the first minute of the period, and that customer’s order quickly changed to delivery. Seven minutes later, the pizza seemingly became a hockey celebration prize, as the Canucks went up 2-1. Then it became an overtime feast when the Sharks tied the game at 2 late in the third. Finally, it became a feast of depression, as the Canucks lost 3-2 in overtime.

While I certainly feel for this fan… who eats chicken on a pizza? Gross, bros.

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This is what happens when you get hit and your face makes a beeline for the ice.

The guy in an Olympic-sized pool of his own blood is Lars Eller of the Montreal Canadiens. He was minding his own business when Ottawa’s Eric Gryba decided to paint a beautiful portrait on the ice in the medium of broken nose. He also used a touch of “concussion” and heavy strokes of “making a dude faceplant against his will.”

Here’s a fairly graphic clip of the hit, courtesy of Hockey Video HD, assuming you’d like to see the blood actually leaving his face.

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Danica Patrick was first woman to start on the pole at the Daytona 500, led a lap and finished in 8th place. That gave her the highest finish for a woman in the 500 and helped make that “Danica Patrick just immediately drives her car into everybody else’s cars because LOL” joke a little less accurate.

Here, she’s making a guest appearance in the “Shoot The Puck” contest during second intermission at Tuesday’s Chicago Blackhawks/Minnesota Wild playoff game, chatting loosely with Susannah Collins about how she’s only here to see the fights and then totally draining a shot from center-ice on her first try. It’s remarkable. It also reeks of beginners luck — her next three shots don’t come anywhere close to goal — but that complicates the narrative. Danica Patrick is SUDDENLY GREAT AT HOCKEY and we have to deal with that.

Video (with a nasty habit of autoplaying) is after the jump.

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The Chicago Blackhawks are up 1-0 on the Minnesota Wild, and they don’t even care about the tremendous amount of sex they had in the regular season. F**k regular season sex! (via LAF)

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Links

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‘Amazing Spider-Man 2′ Set Video and Pictures: Lookin’ Good, Jamie Foxx! |Gamma Squad|

Morgan Freeman Reciting Ray J’s “I Hit It First”? Yes, Please!!!11!1 |Smoking Section|

Taiwanese Animators Get One Last Dig In At Tim Tebow |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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As much as I like to joke about how I never watch hockey or that hockey is boring (aside from the fighting) or that even lockout-shortened seasons take too long, but I am, after all, just joking. We’re haha-makers, not necessarily news reporters. But even beyond my certain penchant for dick-jokery and fart-sniffery, I’m smart enough to see that ESPN doesn’t give much of a poop about extensive NHL coverage. At least in comparison to the NFL, NBA or Major League Baseball.

That’s not to say the Worldwide Leader completely ignores hockey. As ESPN President John Skipper told SI’s Richard Deitsch back in February in response to criticism that his network ignores hockey, the WWL offers plenty of coverage… in highlight form.

“I see SportsCenter every day and we cover hockey every day. We do not have a significant differential between highlights of hockey now and when we had it. The only difference is we are not there [as a rights holder]. If we were there for the playoffs, we’d be throwing to the guys calling the game. We can’t do that, but we are at hockey games. We are doing hockey highlights.”

I don’t pretend to know the inner workings of ESPN as much as some of our more insistent colleagues, but from the tailgate chair of the Average Joe, it appears to me that ESPN has long since told the NHL, “Look, you didn’t like our offer, so have fun with NBC Sports.” As to how accurate that is, other people may obviously know better than I do. But I think it sucks for ESPN’s talented NHL writers and on-the-fence fans like me, because when I look at ESPN.com with my average American male eyeballs, I barely spot the Stanley Cup Playoffs coverage.

Even worse, what happens when I scroll down?

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I’m so confused right now. So I’m just going to nod and pretend that I understand what’s going on with Chris Bosh here so in case someone else doesn’t understand, I can be like, “Haha, you don’t understand it, loser!”

(Via Bleeding Palm)

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