2005 Sports News: Dwight Schrute Gets Kings Tickets In A Jell-O Mold

05.22.12 Written by Brandon

Actor Rainn Wilson wanted tickets to Game 4 of the Western Conference Final between the Los Angeles Kings and the Phoenix Coyotes, so the wacky Kings Twitter team — the same team who helped build Stanley Cup sandcastles and just trolled Marlon Wayans (Marlon Wayans!) for liking basketball more than hockey — responded the only way they knew how: by referencing the first episode of ‘The Office’.

The exchange, by way of Puck Daddy:

I don’t blame them for referencing that instead of anything that’s happened since Jim and Pam got married (what’re they supposed to do, off him tickets inside of a boring storyline about who wants to run Dunder-Mifflin?), but if I was Wilson I’d trick them into phasing all their tweets in the form of meatballs.

Here’s a pic of Luc Robitaille presenting Dwight with his tickets, or one of the Blues Brothers getting a gift from Jason Bateman, I can’t really tell because they Instagram’d it and they might as well have been standing in a 1970s sandstorm:

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Brad Richards Craps All Over The Devils

05.15.12 Written by Brandon

new_york_rangers_two_shits

Imagine how good they’d be if every player gave two sh*ts. (via @hockeypuckck)

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Links

Kim Kardashian’s IMDB Bio Is AMAZING |UPROXX|

Peter Berg calls Israeli interviewer a draft-dodger in probably the best interview ever |Film Drunk|

‘Game of Thrones’ Recap: ‘A Man Without Honor’ |Warming Glow|

Thor Delivers Uncomfortable News To A Radio Listener |Gamma Squad|

Jay-Z Is Joining The Music Festival Business |Smoking Section|

Mad Men Discussion: Okay, Seriously, What The Hell Did January Jones Do To Matt Weiner? |UPROXX|

High School Student Makes World’s Worst Song Great |UPROXX|

After 20 Years, Columbia University Janitor Becomes A College Grad |Smoking Section|

George Lucas & The Housing That Spite Built, in Marin County |Film Drunk|

Usain Bolt Dumped His Hot Girlfriend For One Of Several Dumb Reasons |With Leather|

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You Know What’s Exactly Like 9/11? This Rangers/Caps Series

05.10.12 Written by Brandon

As a Washington Capitals fan, I was stoked to see them top the New York Rangers on Wednesday and force a game 7. If I had to compare it to one thing, I’d compare it to the excitement Todd Beamer felt when he decided he was ready to roll on United Airlines Flight 93. Wait, no I wouldn’t, because that would be f**king ignorant.

But here we are. CBC’s Ron MacLean intro’d game 6 by comparing Ryan Callahan and Alex Ovechkin (pictured, right) to 9/11 first responders. Somehow this game wasn’t broadcast on the Onion News Network. “They ARE like police officers, they ARE like firefighters” is especially insipid, and the reason MacLean thinks dying in a collapsing skyscraper and one game of a seven game hockey playoff are similar is “you can’t fight fire with ego”. Or “eagle”, I’m not really sure what he’s saying. You can’t fight fire with either of them, and either word makes the same amount of sense in context.

Ron should spend the rest of the playoffs saying stuff like this, if only for the publicity. He could turn CBC into the Fox News of sports. I want to see him compare Marian Hossa to Trayvon Martin.

[video via Puck Daddy]

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10 Amazing Predictions For This Week In Sports

05.07.12 Written by Burnsy

Creepy floating heads edition.

When I’m wrong, I’m the first to admit that I was wrong. And boy did the NBA’s defending champs make me look like a fool. Last week, I predicted that no team would be swept from the NBA Playoffs last week, and to make matters worse, I boasted that it was a sucker’s prediction because only one team had the possibility of sweeping its opponent through Saturday, and that was the Oklahoma City Thunder. But I thought for sure that Dirk Nowitzki and Co. would show some scrap and claw back for one win. Wrong.

Oh well, I never said that the prediction machine was a perfect beast, but it’s close to perfect, because I was right about everything else, including the winner of the Kentucky Derby*. And that builds enough confidence for me to move forward with another round of brilliant sports predictions.

*I did not pick the winner of the Kentucky Derby in last week’s post, but I was totally like, “Oh yeah, bros, I pick I’ll Have Another.”

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10 Amazing Predictions For This Week In Sports

05.01.12 Written by Burnsy

Welcome to a new weekly feature that we’ll be running in which we make a bunch of predictions about the upcoming week in sports. I would have run this yesterday, but HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF THE HEAVENS DID YOU SEE PAULINA GRETZKY? Also, hello to all our new readers in Finland!

Anywho, we miss a lot of little tidbits and interesting items during the day, for one reason or another, and not only will I use this as an opportunity to include more hockey news and discuss how humiliating last night’s St. Louis Blues loss was, but I will also lay my reputation as America’s last great gentleman blogger with a girl’s name on the line with 10 bold predictions.

Prepare to have your minds blown. (Side note: I would have posted this yesterday, but my crystal ball just kept telling me: “Dude, the Blues SUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.”)

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Paulina Gretzky Just Proved Why Instagram Is Worth $1 Billion

04.30.12 Written by Burnsy

Last year, the Internet’s legions of dude bros rejoiced as having a Twitter account finally paid off when NHL legend Wayne Gretzky’s daughter, Paulina, was happily posting revealing pictures of herself for all of us to… respect and admire. Well, the Great One – like most fathers of absurdly attractive 23-year old girls – didn’t think too highly of that and he forced Paulina to remove all of the questionable pictures from her Twitter. Sadly, we were forced to find pictures of half naked girls elsewhere. So difficult.

Thankfully, what Wayne may or may not have realized is that the Internet has like 6 billion sites devoted to allowing people to post their pictures, and in case he didn’t hear about it, the popular photo sharing site Instagram was just purchased by Facebook for $1 billion recently. So yeah, that’s a pretty popular site, too.

Hey, maybe Paulina is on Instagram, posting pictures of her recent trip to Las Vegas with her boyfriend and their friends. Maybe she’s posting pictures of herself in a bikini in interesting positions with people of both genders. Let’s just check and see if this completely hypothetical idea is true… IT IS. Well done, Mark Zuckerberg.

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