In the worst results-reporting since Other Guy defeated What’s-His-Face, the NFL Network — you know, the network with “NFL” in its name — declared the San Francisco 49ers the winners of Super Bowl XVLII, knocking off the Ravens 34-31.

@bubbaprog shared this picture via Twitter. I don’t see how the football channel could get the result of the most important-possible football game incorrect moments after it happened, but I have three theories:

1. The NFL overturned the result, because whatever, they do what they want.

2. @bubbaprog lives in an alternate, concurrent, ‘Sliders’-style universe where Joe Flacco’s eliteness wasn’t vindicated and the 49ers really did pull off the victory. Also in this universe, Ray Lewis is an accessory to NOT stabbing a guy.

3. The NFL Network is dumb.

Theory 2 is the most reasonable one so far.

so uh, is this guy on drugs, or what

What you’re watching, if you’re one of the souls brave enough to enter a “Tim Tebow gets humped” post and hit play on the video, is NFL Network analyst Michael Irvin getting an early Christmas gift from the NFL Gameday Morning team and going buck-f**king wild on it. It’s a little kid horsey with TEBOW written on the side. Then, if you need more context, a guy in a blood red suit looking way too much like the devil moves his wiener around on it and makes an O-face about how he’s gonna “ride it to the Supa Bo’” while some cackling guys in business suits a bunch of women in Santa suits stand around in the background smiling. It’s more or less the ass-to-ass scene from Requiem For A Dream, if I’m remembering that film correctly.

This is easily the worst thing to happen to the Cowboys since everything else on Christmas eve.

[via Joe Montana's Right Arm]

One of the more bizarre traditions of the NFL combine in Indianapolis every year is authored by NFL Network’s Rich Eisen. Eisen’s running of the 40 yard dash has become my favorite takeaway from pro football’s meat market, not because of the athleticism, but the clear lack thereof.

Eisen’s time of 6.18 seconds in the 40 earlier today was a personal best, surpassing his 6.22 from last year. I love how the combine’s official athletic supplier gives Eisen shoes and nothing else. Rich, my man, you could probably hit-”sub-six” if you just slipped on a pair of shorts.

Here’s the video for this year’s 40, which is currently unembeddable. You can watch last year’s after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

Mike Mayock of NFL Network is being accused of racism…kinda sorta. As quoted by one of the Tweeters at the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Mayock said, “Cam Newton is an unbeleivable athlete,” but that “you have to have the football IQ to make it work.” Fanhouse columnist David C. Steele did not take Mayock’s assessment lightly. Oh, and I should probably mention that Steele is black (and Mayock is not), otherwise this will make even less sense.

It never stops. Unless Mayock can give us conclusive proof, on air, about Newton’s “football IQ,” he should be fired. It’s 2011. I’m tired of this sh:t.

–via @David_C_Steele.

That’s tremendous reverse race-baiting, David, but I have some bad news. The reason Mayock has a job with NFL Network (and you don’t) is because of his ability to offer opinions on crap that nobody can really prove or disprove. And he didn’t reportedly say CAM NEWTON DOES NOT HAVE A HIGH FOOTBALL IQ so much as suggest that quarterbacks need more than athleticism to win in the NFL (See: Young, Vince).

And since when is Cam Newton above reproach? Oh, he won a national title. Yeah, so did Craig Krenzel. It stands to reason that Mayock was simply offering a judgement call about a one-year starting quarterback with documented character issues playing in a prolific offensive system. Or, he just loves objectively evaluating black NFL prospects, all of which he despises based solely on color. Makes perfect sense to me!

Joe Theismann made an appearance on the NFL Network to discuss this weekend’s Patroits-Jets matchup, and had an unfortunate slip of the tongue involving Danny Woodhead and a pretty obvious double entendre. Now, I’m a big fan of double entendres, and this one is moderately funny, but Deion Sanders’ reaction is really unwarranted.

This would be a great time for me to go a rant about professionalism in journalism, but that would be unnecessary and really boring to read. I will, however, slap on a pair of surgical gloves and prescribe Deion a 20mg daily dose of Lobster Dog for his sense of humor deficiency. On second thought, I’d rather not hear him laugh at all. His laughter sounds like a cat having an abortion. Video after the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »

Some people are making a big deal about the NBA beating out the NFL last night in terms of nominal ratings last night, and by that measure, they’d be correct. The return of LeBron James to his old stomping grounds in Cleveland on TNT’s NBA coverage saw the network earn a 5.0 overnight rating last night. One ratings point represents roughly one million viewing households.

The NFL’s game, featuring the born-again Michael Vick and the newest pro sports pugilist Andre Johnson, reportedly pulled a 4.1 rating.

But consider that NFL Network reaches just a little more than half of the households that TNT reaches. NFL Network reaches about 56.3 million households, while TNT reaches 99.6 million. I did the math for you: TNT captured 5 percent of available households, while NFL Network managed 7.2 percent of same. So how big a ratings win was it for the NBA? I wouldn’t even say that it was a win at all.