As you may know, the Houston Texans cheerleaders are my favorite. They’re a fun bunch of ladies who aren’t afraid to Fandango on the Internet between the Monday Fandango was cool and the Monday he was violently ruined.

Here they are hanging out with the 41st President of the United States, George H.W. Bush, and his amazing, amazing socks. Look at those things. I bet even Derrick Bateman doesn’t own socks that patriotic.

President George H.W. Bush recently spent some time with the Houston Texans Cheerleaders and a few photos and videos were snapped. The former President was on hand to present roses to the newest selected 2013-2014 Houston Texans Cheerleaders. The President presented each of the 35 girls with a red rose, and also had time to thank the ones who visited him while he was in the hospital recently. (via Next Impulse Sports)

All political preferences and discussion aside, this is sweet. Here’s the follow-up picture, featuring George making a perfectly reasonable face to be made around a Houston Texans cheerleader whether you’ve been the leader of the free world or not.

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If you don’t watch WWE programming, you may not be familiar with Fandango. He’s a pro wrestler slash ballroom dancer (no, seriously) who will only wrestle you if you pronounce his name properly. It’s not “Fandango,” it’s “FAAAAAAAHN, DAAAAAAAHN, GOOOOOO.” You really have to let the As breathe. His entrance theme is a wonderful piece of elevator music by WWE maestro Jim Johnston. Up until now, Fandango has only been loved by esoteric Internet weirdos like myself, who prefer niche, goofy character work to, say, The Rock saying he’s gonna turn stuff sideways and stick it up a guy’s ass.

Anyway, the crowd at Monday’s live Raw show changed all that. You can read about it in this week’s Best and Worst of Raw column, but here’s the short version: the crowd suddenly (possibly ironically) fell in love with Fandango, cheering him and singing his entrance theme. Well, humming it, because there aren’t any words. They started dancing around, and a phenomenon was born. His entrance theme (“ChaChaLaLa” … no, seriously) started selling like mad, and is still in a ridiculously high spot on most popular music charts.

To continue Fandango’s ascent into pop culture infamy, NFL cheerleaders have started doing the Fandango. Fandangoing, if you will.

When 51 Finalists competing to be Texans Cheerleaders paused from action last night… The most EPIC fit of #Fandangoing broke out at Practice! “No… no no no it’s…”

I knew there was a reason I loved this team. Here’s the video. Warning: You will be singing/doing this all day.

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Don’t like reading horrible stories about former sports celebrities molesting children? HERE, HAVE TWO.

The first is Elizabeth Leigh Garner, a 42-year old former Tennessee Titans cheerleader, who is in trouble for getting drunk at a party, following a 12-year old boy (yes, a 12-year old boy) into a bathroom and trying to go down on him against his will. This is a thing that happened in real life.

“He stated she was asking him if he had ever been with a woman,” Roberts reported, adding the boy disclosed she then touched him inappropriately on the outside of his pants. “He also said she was making an attempt to take his shorts off …” and told the boy she would perform oral sex on him.

The boy told Roberts he became frightened and was able to get out of the bathroom and tell his mother. (via Black Mountain News)

That last sentence is such a ghastly reminder of how young a 12-year old really is. Her excuse is equally embarrassing, and the type of thing you can’t really make up.

“Ms. Garner, who was advised of her miranda rights, stated that she was drunk that evening,” Roberts reported, “and that she got the boy confused with a man who also at the residence.”

To her credit, it’s probably totally easy to mix up a grown man with a 12-year old who is sobbing and running off to tell his mother. Here’s a video clip of the story, courtesy of NewsChannel5.com:

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As the editor-in-chief of a popular sports comedy blog, I get two kinds of e-mails: the ones from people who have no idea who I am, but want a link anyway (sample: “HI JOSH, Spring is around the corner, here are the 50 greatest boobtacular moments in sports”), and the ones from porn tubes who just learned something about sports and think I should know about it.

In the interest of passing my experience on to you, here’s a press release I just received from Pornhub, the visionary geniuses behind such clips as Hot Ass Naomi Russel in Fishnet Sexy F**king. They recently held a survey to see which NFL cheerleading squad fans most enjoyed seeing, and the results were … predictable. But hey, until that Chad Johnson sex tape deal goes through, Pornhub’s gotta do what Pornhub’s gotta do*.

*I probably do not need to see what Pornhub’s gotta do.

Pornhub.com, the premier online destination for adult entertainment, took to one of their world famous surveys to find out which is the most gorgeous squad on the gridiron – the results are as follows:

- Dallas Cowboys (54%, 1,274 votes)

- Houston Texans (13%, 315 votes)

- New England Patriots (13%, 295 votes)

- New York Jets (8%, 189 votes)

- Detroit Lions (6%, 135 votes)

- Washington Redskins (6%, 134 votes)

There you have it! The Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders officially mounted the competition to snatch a tip-top spot in the mound.

I get it!

To test this theory, I’ve put together an impromptu slideshow of Dallas Cowboys cheerleader highlight videos and pictures of note. I don’t know how many I’m going to include, but I’ll probably keep adding and adding until HomeMoviesTube.com e-mails me their update about which European field hockey team is the most cuckold. Here are your 2012 season highlights so far, from Thanksgiving all the way back to the swimsuits.

Not included: those poor, poor guys jacking it to Lions games.

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Here’s a behind the scenes look at the 2013 Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders calendar. Nothing gets me ready for planning the new year like a bunch of ladies leading nobody in cheers on a beach for no reason! Yeahhh! (via Terez Owens)

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Links

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Today in Extremely Specific Fetishes, we follow the Tampa Bay Buccaneers cheerleaders into a haunted house at Busch Gardens’ annual Howl-O-Scream event. It’s the scariest thing the poor girls have had to do since somebody approached them and said, “hey, go do a stupid horse dance behind the mascot, we’re gonna make a Gangnam Style video“.

From the YouTube description:

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers Cheerleaders challenged their fears inside the Dark Side of the Gardens at Howl-O-Scream last weekend. The cheerleaders toured the new houses Blood Asylum and Circus of Superstition 3-D.

In Blood Asylum, the cheerleaders ran from “The Creature” in a high-security asylum for the criminally insane. Then, in Circus of Superstition 3-D, the 14 cheerleaders faced 13 superstitions and crazed circus clowns in a 3-D tent of terror.

This is the fourth year they’ve done it, and frankly it’s a teen-boy-reading-Fangoria‘s dream. After the jump, you’ll find video of their … uh, “tour,” as well as a variety of photographs that prove once and for all that bright red lipstick and hot pants will not protect you from a werewolf attack.

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