In our continuing coverage of obnoxious European billionaires, Newcastle United owner Mike Ashley has given his blessing to the team’s manager, Alan Pardew, to handle the scouting and rebuilding efforts during the international break, which means that Ashley was free to do what billionaires do best – namely throw nightclub parties and strip in front of a crowd of random people.

Thankfully, Newcastle is making up for Ashley’s pasty display with some new team merchandise to help the team’s fans feel a little better about themselves. They’re making sexy underwear.

The contract between the club and Premier Lingerie – described with northern lack of faff as ‘football-related underwear specialists’ – has a possible interest beyond the usual reasons for giving space to such a subject.

Premier points out that women now form about a fifth of regular football supporters in the uk, but only between three and five percent of club merchandise is aimed at them. (Via The Guardian)

Newcastle obviously isn’t the first team in any sport to sell lingerie, but the idea is still relatively new to the clubs across the pond. West Ham released a limited edition line in 2009, and Katy Perry showed off a sample at the MTV Europe Music Awards that year. I’ve heard that in Europe MTV still plays music.

Katy’s debut outfit and some Newcastle samples after the jump (available for purchase here).

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Things aren’t going all that well for Newcastle United.  After club legend Kev Keegan resigned in disgust, Joe Kinnear was named the interim manager while owner Mike Ashley (this demure wallflower) sells the team.  Kinnear took offense to some of the things written about him during his first week, and his first press conference went a little something like this:

Kinnear: Which one is Simon Bird?
Bird: Me.
Kinnear: You’re a cunt.
Bird: Thank you.

It gets better from there; Kinnear embarks on a carpet-F-bombing mission, dropping 52 of them over the course of 13 minutes.  Only four per minute?  Pussy.  Also, if you can listen to the entire thing without wandering off and doing something else, you deserve the Ritalin Attention Span Award. I always thought I could listen to people going off and swearing all day, but apparently it’s more like two minutes.  But then, my attention span was never very DOGGIE!  Who’s a good dog?!?  You are!  Oh, you want a belly rub? Yes you do!

[Transcript here - unbleeped audio here]

“Look at my striped shirt! No seriously, look at it. It’s either that or the neck fat.”

Newcastle United’s manager Kev Keegan, as much a part of the Magpies’ tradition as their black and white jerseys, quit the team last Thursday over what he perceived to be shoddy restrictions over how he ran the club. During the height of the team’s internal strife, team owner Mike Ashley was in New York dropping $216,000 on one night of partying.

The owner and three other men, including one man named only as PK, downed an amazing 175 bottles of Cristal Champagne — the club’s entire stock. They also necked 16 bottles of Dom Perignon, 29 of PJ Fleur Rose and three of Grey Goose Vodka.

Onlookers in the club on Wednesday night said Ashley was “slaughtered” and soaked from head to foot in Champagne as he sprayed £450 bottles of Cristal over his pals and handed out drinks and bottles to scantily-clad girls — getting some to pour booze into his mouth.

Big deal. I went to the liquor store and got, like, almost all their Mike’s Hard Lemonade. AND I wasn’t carded, thank you very much. Operators are standing by, ladies.

[Deuce of Davenport]

There's an East Coast bias in coverage of jackass baseball fans.  Red Sox and Yankees fans get all the attention for being loudmouthed narrow-minded louts, but there's a particularly virulent breed of fucktardation on Chicago's North Side that deserves more attention.  Wrigley Field is the hub of Midwestern douchebaggery, pulling in the biggest douches in a five-state radius.  The combination of lively bleachers, an active singles bar scene next to the stadium, and a high percentage of Northwestern graduates who work as consultants make Wrigleyville a veritable douchetopia.  Or Xanadouche, if you prefer.

That said, this "catch the baseball with your beer cup then chug it" is a pretty cool routine.  It very nearly ruined my rant against douchey Cubs fans.

[Lion in Oil via The Sporting Blog] 

The Cubs and the Astros ran into a bit of a squall last night that ended their game an inning prematurely. Being that it was '70s night in Wrigley, that's an inning less of YMCA costumes and people in Rick Monday jerseys. But it did make for good fun during the various rain delays and tornado warnings, as a guy in an Elvis costume took an impressive glide across the tarp. Though I gotta say '70s Elvis probably wasn't that nimble on his feet. Not his fault, really. Just happens that peanut butter and banana sandwiches laced with barbiturates, though tasty, are a little high in fat. And death. Who knew?

[Big League Stew]

NL – Jim Edmonds, left for baseball dead after being dumped by San Diego earlier this year, continues to validate the Cubs' faith in him despite being in the neighborhood of 300 years old. His was the standout performance in the coda of a four-game sweep of the Brewers. Edmonds homered twice, one a grand slam, and drove in five runs. Rich Harden had a fine performance of his own, holding Milwaukee to one run and striking out nine in seven innings…The battle for the most underwhelming division in baseball got underway in Chavez Ravine, with Arizona taking the opener by a 2-1 mark. Brandon Webb picked up his 15th win, improving to 8-0 in his last nine starts against the Dodgers. Manny gets to be Manny in L.A. for the first time tonight facing Randy Johnson. Great, Yankees-Red Sox matchups transposed onto other teams…Anibal Sanchez won his first start in 15 months, an easy task when your team puts up 12 runs of support…The Braves avoid a four-game sweep by the Cards…The Nats lost their ninth straight in the fnal of a three-game sweep by the Phils, but they released Paul Lo Duca, so they won't at least be weighed down by underage girls in the clubhouse. 

AL – The worldbeating Angels beat some more world last night, stomping the Yanks in New York 12-6 with homers of the three-run persuasion by Vlad Guerrero, Torii Hunter and Juan Rivera. But you can't win lop-sided games every day. K-Rod's gone a whole three days without a save!… Twins fans, no doubt showing their outrage for the stolen wheelchair, pelt the field with baseballs and field prompting a brief stoppage in play. They'd eventually leave happy – happy as you can be in Minnesota at least – with Minny scoring seven in their final two at-bats to take three of four from to White Sox, pulling back within a half a game in the Central…And the Indians and Mariners both won! On the same day! I hope you'll remember where you were during that once-in-a-lifetime occurrence. (I was beating it).

OLYMPICS – You know your city has a pollution problem when the press writes news stories when they can actually see the sky. Just sayin'.