When India began preparing for the 2010 Commonwealth Games, the country’s government officials boasted that they would be creating an atmosphere that would make it the greatest experience in the history of the event. The result has far exceeded their expectations to the point that countries are threatening to pull out before the event even begins because they’re just overwhelmed by the awesomeness. *receives note from Punte’s trained flamingo* Oops, my bad, they’re pulling out because people have been exposed to dengue fever.

Countries like New Zealand are on the verge of running in fear from the event and the city of New Delhi because of silly old stuff like a stadium bridge collapsing, a venue’s roof caving in, and the lack of trash pick-up in and around the athletic villages. Not to mention the possibility of contracting dengue fever, which makes people feel like their bones have been broken before eventually killing them. But don’t worry, silly countries, India thinks you’re all exaggerating.

Tell me a tale of a boy who grows up in poverty to win a small fortune and the heart of his one true love, Yahoo! News:

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When a student decides to take a peek at the classified ads in order to secure a job that they can quit within the month to qualify for a welfare check that’s bigger than the one they’d get for working 40 hours a week, options usually revolve around working at the Fresh Grocer and helping old people out of their soiled Depends. Well, it’s time to get jealous of New Zealand because they have blokes who want to hire you just to whisk them around in a $200,000 car.

Our protagonist Gary Richards is on the prowl for a young lad or lassie to do just that after he was busted for an impaired driving charge. He’s also most likely looking to re-create some scenes from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

A man in New Zealand posted an ad at Student Job Search in Auckland saying he was looking for a tidy and positive student to drive him to business appointments during the summer months. The best part: They’d have to drive his Hummer and Lamborghini.

The ad said the driver would be needed during business hours Monday to Friday, but they’d be permitted to study while the employer was in meetings. -cnews

Does this guy have a death wish? Why’s he asking for a kid who’s ‘tidy and positive’ when a car that can top 200 MPH is in the equation? I’d ask for a great driver who isn’t afraid to give up his life to save me when the car inevitably turns into fiery wreckage. Experience playing Gran Turismo on the Playstation would be a bonus. And probably a leather jacket.

Here’s Tiger Woods in an earlier interview with some Sky Sports Kiwi named Murray Deaker who seems hell-bent on making a liar out of Tiger Woods. Well honestly, mate, how hard is that at this point? It’s worth checking out for Deaker’s interrogation of Tiger where the New Zealander asks, “Family first, golf second. Always?” And Tiger replies in the affirmative…while shaking his head. It’s almost like Tiger’s coming onto the guy. Okay, maybe not. Or maybe a little. Probably. –Celebridiot, via @DCScrap.

New Zealand seems to have a better sense of humor than Australia when it comes to double entendre, as evidenced by the reaction from organizers of an Aussie netball tournament upon learning of the team name of one of its entrants.

A West Coast netball team competing in an Australian tournament at the weekend have been forced to change their name as organisers raised concerns over a possible double meaning.

The Greymouth side, formerly known as the Master Baiters, are headed for the Sydney World Masters Games under the title new Master Netters – a less risque reference to whitebaiting. via.

“Whitebaiting” is actually a term referring to fishing, and not pissing off Caucasians. I felt compelled to point that out. It’s too bad, because “Master Netters” does nothing to make me giggle like a 12-year-old.

Logan Campbell competed in the Taekwando event in the Beijiing Olympics, but he’s spending his offseason recovering just like any other guy…aside from the fact that he’s opened up a brothel in his native country, which recently decriminalized prostitution.

His own costs leading up to Beijing totalled some NZ$150,000 (£58,000) [About $94K US --Ed.], much of it provided by his hard-working parents, Campbell noted.

To take the financial strain from his parents Campbell has gone into partnership with Hugo Philiips, a 20-year-old accountancy graduate, to set up what the pair insist is a “high-class” escort agency.
He hopes to take a couple of years off to work full-time on the new venture, before returning to training in 2011 with a NZ$300,000 Olympic kitty.

He said “kitty.” But Campbell insists that’s he’s not a pimp.

“Pimps are more tough-type guys. I’m an owner of an escort agency.”

Whatever, pimp. You just keep on pimpin’. The guy that beat Campbell went on to win the bronze, for whatever that’s worth. Hopefully Campbell’s mat technique will not have eroded from chops and kicks to backhand face slaps and varied utterances of “Bitch better have my money.” But if that’s where he works, where does he go to totally abuse some random woman? Olive Garden? Yeah, it’s late in the day. I got nothin’.

|via So Much For College|

When you live in New Zealand, boring ol’ rugby with clothes won’t do, apparently. So once a year (I suppose whenever it gets warm enough), two teams of seven players each get together in the quaint little town of Dunedin and play rugby butt-ass nekkid.

The nude rugby international, which started as a celebration of New Zealand’s national nude day, was held yesterday as a warm-up – although temperatures were reportedly cold enough to prove embarrassing – to the forthcoming match between the All Blacks and France.

Needless to say, there were plenty of tackles flying about with only one interruption … when a fully-clothed streaker ran on to the pitch.

I guess the short shorts weren’t short enough after all. Seriously, it must be great to live in a country where people can just run around naked and then get all grumpy when someone with clothes on interrupts the proceedings. And I still shower with swim trunks on. But that’s only because I like to keep my soap in the pockets.

|UK’s Guardian, via Flubby|