New Zealand cricketer Kane Williamson is one of the luckiest men on Earth today.

If you’ve ever wondered what happens when a high-speed cricket ball collides ball-on-ball with an exposed testicle, thank Christ you aren’t gonna find out here … in the above video, Williamson takes a shot to the crumpet and staggers away, removing his cup to reveal that it is basically split down the middle. If he hadn’t been wearing one, he might’ve had to give up cricket and start competitive blood-peeing.

The horror you might feel seeing that is immediately replaced by the announce team’s hilariously in-depth discussion of “skin torque” and the value of the “box breaking”. Apparently it’s a good thing when your box breaks.

So, uh, I guess we should be happy this wasn’t women’s cricket.

[h/t Sweater Punch]

Over the weekend, while we were busy with more important things like Tiger Woods’ knee, Peyton Manning’s jet and Dwight Howard’s flip flops, people were gathering in major cities across the globe to help preserve a better future for our billionaire athletes and us to live in. On Saturday, hipsters galore shed their clothes for the World Naked Bike Ride to raise awareness for various global issues, including oil and fossil fuel dependency, traffic safety and, of course, stone cold nudity.

So what better way for cyclists to tell drivers they’re fed up with being struck and killed in traffic than by risking their droops and sags being caught in spokes and chains? At least that’s what more than 300 people in Peru did, as they brought awareness to the 3,000 cyclists who were killed in Peru in 2009. And all 9 of the New Zealanders who rode for clean air. Come on, New Zealand, you’re better than that.

Anyway, this was one rabbit hole of pictures I was not prepared for. Maybe next year I’ll join in ride to raise awareness that nobody wants to see a bunch of old hippies’ penises. Until then, enjoy some SFW highlights from around the world.

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I don’t know what a domestic T20 match is or what it means to have a 74-run partnership. I don’t even know what a crumpet is (and apparently you have to understand that to understand cricket), but I know this catch is awesome, and that you should see it.

From the YouTube video description:

Bevan Small has become an overnight internet sensation after the little-known New Zealand cricketer took an astounding catch on the boundary in a domestic T20 match.

According to the video and news reports, the cricketer jumped in the air to not just deny Northern Districts’ Brad Wilson a six but also dismiss him by flinging the ball to a teammate before crashing beyond the ropes. His athletic ability broke a vital 74-run partnership.

Small deserves extra credit for completely Jetering it into the ground on the way down. I also love how quickly “awareness” starts to sound like “weenus” when you’re from New Zealand. “Look at the a weenus! LOOK AT THE A’WEENUS!” Also: how many times the guy says “whilst” whilst trying to explain what happened. People should say whilst more often.

Great catch, and great news about that 74-run partnership (?).

[h/t to Fark Sports]

From CNN, to catch you up.

At least 76 people died in Norway in a terror attack July 22 that started with a bomb blast in the capital Oslo and continued with an hour-long gun rampage at a camp for Labour Party teens and young adults on nearby Utoya Island.

Of course, that didn’t stop New Zealander Cameron Leslie from gunning his lats. Cameron was at an gymnasium and was an eye witness to the initial attack, a car bomb that exploded between government buildings in Regjeringskvartalet, the executive government quarter of Oslo. He was interviewed about his experience on a New Zealand television station, and if you think he’s got a compelling story or a poignant point of view about the shattered lives and blood-soaked faces that immediately surrounded him … you might be putting too much faith in humanity.

The choice excerpts were transcribed by our friends at Off The Bench, and I ask you enjoy them, but Jesus Christ.

“Secondly, also for the fact that when the blast went off I was on the eighth repetition of a 165-KG bench press, uh, you know, that’s quite a lot of weight.

“You know we had ceiling and stuff come down around us, we had a lot of confused looking faces, and shortly after we heard an announcement over the speaker phone to evacuate the area as quickly as possible, people started leaving, uh, naturally I finished my sets and then quickly made my way to the second level.”

Naturally. He then added “I asked the guy to my right to spot me, but he couldn’t, because he no longer had arms”. Imagine how mad you’d be if a week after 9/11, some guy showed up on Wake Up Wisconsin talking about how he was doing chin-ups on the roof of the World Trade Center when the plane hit, and he thought “heh, whoa, that’s weird” and finished up, did a little yoga and calmly waltzed down the stairs. If only his collar had been popped, we might’ve been witness to the douchiest f**king guy in cultural history.

The McCann Ad Agency in Mumbai recently released the above ad for Shivam handloom deep sleep mattresses, which shows a sleeping Tiger Woods dreaming of a bevy of provocatively dressed white women. There’s also an unconscious cameraman, which references Tiger hitting cameraman Mark Pain in the face with a chip shot at the 2010 Ryder Cup (which also gave us this famous image).

But this isn’t the first time that Tiger’s likeness has been used in clever marketing campaigns. Last year, PETA tried to capitalize on his sex scandal with a billboard emphasizing the importance of spaying and neutering pets near his home in Windermere, Florida. While that campaign was scrapped at the request of Tiger’s lawyers, a few others, including Shivam’s mattress ad, have made their way into the mainstream.

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Oh Bekki, you left your socks on just for me!

Old Boys University is not actually a college, despite what I would think when trying not to care about it, but it is in fact a rugby union club in the Wellington Rugby Football Union in New Zealand. That’s where Lord of the Rings was filmed. *gives self wedgie* But I’m not here to pretend to know anything about rugby, because this little story involves boobies, and that’s something the entire world understands.

The Old Boys women’s rugby team is having trouble drawing fans each season, so gals like Bekki Abernathy up there grabbed a camera, ditched their clothes and they made themselves a little calendar. Hoping to escape the classic assumption that women who play rugby are butch goblins with ham fists and bulbous bearded clams, the ladies are not only using this nudie calendar to attract male fans, but also to show more women that hot chicks can also get drunk and beat the crap out of each other.

From the Old Boys Women’s website:

Our classy and artistic 2011 naked calendar rails against this myth by contrasting the concept of the seductive and submissive pin-up girl with images of women who assert themselves as strong athletes and empowered women.

Our calendar only presents images of women who play for our team and we see it as a great way to break down the stereotypes of Women’s Rugby and encourage potential Womens players to see that you dont have to be a certain size, temperament or demeanor to play.

And I think that’s both an outstanding attitude and BLAH BLAH BLAH BOOBIES!!! But don’t go getting any ideas, WNBA. I’m not sure that the 2011 “Luscious Layups” calendar will go flying off the shelves.

Only 1,000 Old Boys calendars are available, and they’re a hot item… or maybe not. Stick around after the jump for ordering details…

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