Could A Charity Game End The NHL Lockout?

Written by Ashley Burns / 11.23.12

Won't someone please think of the Ice Girls?

Not like they really needed it, but we can add yet another reason to support the NHL players as we enter Day 70 of the NHL lockout – they’re good human beings. New York Rangers center Brad Richards and Philadelphia Flyers forward Scott Hartnell got together and decided to partner with Caesar’s Atlantic City to create a charity hockey game known as “Operation Hat Trick”, which won’t feature many of the league’s best players, but it will showcase some guys who want to play a little hockey and raise money for Hurricane Sandy relief. Somewhere, an NHL team owner wiped his ass with a $100 bill and stuck it to an orphan’s cheek.

According to Richards:

“It’ll be a real, 60-minute game,” Richards said. “The focus will probably be more on the offensive side. But we’ll put on a good show for the fans.”

Wouldn’t it be nice if this incredibly generous act led both sides of this lockout to finally sitting down for an entire day and hammering out a 50/50 deal, instead of the owners trying to find any and every way to take as much money from the players as possible? Haha, I know, that was my funniest joke of the year.

The game will be played tomorrow at Boardwalk Hall in Atlantic City, and Rangers goalie Henrik Lundqvist recognizes that while it sucks for players and fans that there probably won’t be a 2012-13 NHL season, that’s a far cry from the pain that people in New York and New Jersey, among other states have been dealing with.

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10 Amazing Predictions For This Week In Sports

Written by Ashley Burns / 05.15.12

Welcome to my day-late weekly predictions that will astound and amaze you, because they’re so incredibly tuned into to a psychic frequency that nobody else on this planet could come up with them. Since I started making predictions a few weeks ago, I’ve been right about everything. Even the stuff that might have been wrong was technically right, because I say it was. It’s not really hard being a psychic.

This week, we take a look into the crystal ball to see if David Stern really will stick to his guns and stop the L.A. Clippers from flopping, Matt Leinart can turn Carson Palmer into the perfect QB and if anyone would ever believe that Phil Jackson would even remotely entertain the idea of coaching a team as dysfunctional and broken as the Orlando Magic. SIM SIM SALABIM!

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Brad Richards Craps All Over The Devils

Written by Brandon Stroud / 05.15.12

new_york_rangers_two_shits

Imagine how good they’d be if every player gave two sh*ts. (via @hockeypuckck)

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Links

Kim Kardashian’s IMDB Bio Is AMAZING |UPROXX|

Peter Berg calls Israeli interviewer a draft-dodger in probably the best interview ever |Film Drunk|

‘Game of Thrones’ Recap: ‘A Man Without Honor’ |Warming Glow|

Thor Delivers Uncomfortable News To A Radio Listener |Gamma Squad|

Jay-Z Is Joining The Music Festival Business |Smoking Section|

Mad Men Discussion: Okay, Seriously, What The Hell Did January Jones Do To Matt Weiner? |UPROXX|

High School Student Makes World’s Worst Song Great |UPROXX|

After 20 Years, Columbia University Janitor Becomes A College Grad |Smoking Section|

George Lucas & The Housing That Spite Built, in Marin County |Film Drunk|

Usain Bolt Dumped His Hot Girlfriend For One Of Several Dumb Reasons |With Leather|

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You Know What’s Exactly Like 9/11? This Rangers/Caps Series

Written by Brandon Stroud / 05.10.12

As a Washington Capitals fan, I was stoked to see them top the New York Rangers on Wednesday and force a game 7. If I had to compare it to one thing, I’d compare it to the excitement Todd Beamer felt when he decided he was ready to roll on United Airlines Flight 93. Wait, no I wouldn’t, because that would be f**king ignorant.

But here we are. CBC’s Ron MacLean intro’d game 6 by comparing Ryan Callahan and Alex Ovechkin (pictured, right) to 9/11 first responders. Somehow this game wasn’t broadcast on the Onion News Network. “They ARE like police officers, they ARE like firefighters” is especially insipid, and the reason MacLean thinks dying in a collapsing skyscraper and one game of a seven game hockey playoff are similar is “you can’t fight fire with ego”. Or “eagle”, I’m not really sure what he’s saying. You can’t fight fire with either of them, and either word makes the same amount of sense in context.

Ron should spend the rest of the playoffs saying stuff like this, if only for the publicity. He could turn CBC into the Fox News of sports. I want to see him compare Marian Hossa to Trayvon Martin.

[video via Puck Daddy]

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And For No Reason, Here’s What Taiwan Thinks About The NHL Playoffs

Written by Brandon Stroud / 04.20.12

taiwan-nhl-playoffs

My favorite part of NMA World Edition’s recap of the rising violence in the NHL Playoffs should be players drowning each other, morphing into literal devils and damage-dealing penguins (!) or attacking one another with rocket shoes, but it isn’t — it’s the fact that I guess Taiwanese animation doesn’t have a pre-rendered hockey helmet in their clip art so they just gave everybody motorcycle helmets. That’s amazing.

So yeah, here’s the blood and guts report from our favorite, barely-talented journalistic savants. Come for the fans high-fiving each other for getting hit with body parts, stay for the child-on-child violence.

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Hockey Says F**k It, Gets To The Point

Written by Brandon Stroud / 03.20.12

A brief place-setting and match listing from Travis Hughes at SBN:

Rangers coach John Tortorella and Devils coach Peter DeBoer were jawing at one another before the game, perhaps as a result of the lineup card handed in by New Jersey. Nevertheless, when the lineups came out for each team, New York had an equal amount of firepower ready:

Devils: Eric Boulton, Cam Janssen, Ryan Carter, Marek Zidlicky, Bryce Salvador
Rangers: Brandon Prust, Brandon Dubinsky, Stu Bickel, Mike Rupp, Marc Staal

That’s a good way to assure some bloodshed. The players all knew what they were out there to do, the fans knew it was coming, and everybody watching at home knew what was coming. Then, it happened.

I guess I’ve got the wrong perspective on professional sports, but what’s so bad about the New Orleans Saints setting up bounties to injure opposing players when hockey is premeditating gang fights? Hockey fights are cool and all, derp derp, but when they happen with entire teams before hockey has been played, that’s not cool, that’s unprofessional, childish, stupid, any number of negative adjectives you wanna throw at it. You’re orchestrating a situation that causes me to watch a dude’s blood splatter, and poor Sidney Crosby is standing there a few teams over with a head that barely works. None of this seems productive.

Well, maybe it could be productive. Is five-on-five MMA a thing yet?

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