With Leather’s Watch This: Our Favorite Exotic Dancers Say Goodbye To Tim Tebow

Written by Ashley Burns / 05.01.13

By now, we all know that Tim Tebow was unceremoniously released by the New York Jets after what can best be described as one pooptastic season with the team. Tebow barely saw the field for anything other than punt protection, and the infamous New York sports media routinely gave him the business, as if he were the sole problem with the franchise.

However, lost in the debate as to whether or not the Jets made the right decision or if they did it with class that a gentleman like Tebow deserves is what truly mattered most – Tebow never claimed his free lap dance at Rick’s Cabaret. Obviously, our friends at Rick’s are quite bummed about this, but they’re still most concerned with Tebow’s future.

They are truly the most considerate women that I have ever known.

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Peter Tebow Set To Deny His Brother 3 Times

Written by Brandon Stroud / 01.15.13

Tim Tebow’s brother Peter lives in Denver, loves Jesus (according to his Twitter bio, at least, I don’t know him personally or anything) and has over 15,000 Twitter followers, because every Bill Clinton needs his Roger. When the Broncos went down to the Ravens on Saturday, Peter took to the Tweeter and did a little harmless gloating:

That’s not too bad, right? A little misplaced schadenfreude from a guy with a misguided perspective. “My brother wasn’t good enough to play for your football team! I HOPE YOU LOSE! I also hope every other team also loses, I guess!” etc. Besides, his brother kinda-sorta plays for the Jets. What’s he supposed to do, enjoy victories?

Of course, by Monday the Twitter police was all over him, and Pete was forced to issue an apology for having football opinions:

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And Now, It’s The 2012 New York Jets Season Set To ‘Yakety Sax’

Written by Ashley Burns / 12.21.12

The 2012 NFL season began with the New York Jets as the center of attention because of backup quarterback Tim Tebow, and it has ended with the Jets still as the center of attention because of starting QB Mark Sanchez. At 6-8, it’s fair to say that the Jets haven’t had the season that they typically expect, as we’ve come to love those arrogant moments in the offseason when coach Rex Ryan or Sanchez declare that the Jets will win the Super Bowl. But this year there were no cocky declarations, just a trade that brought Tebow to the Big Apple.

Obviously, we’re all wondering why the hell the Jets even traded for Tebow because they’ve barely used him and Ryan has gone out of his way to avoid answering questions about his use in Tony Sparano’s offense. Meanwhile, Sanchez has developed into a parody of a parody on the field, an evolution that culminated with the now-infamous Butt Fumble. And the Jets floated the idea that they’d be willing to trade Sanchez after the season, and the rest of the league just laughed and laughed.

So it’s only fitting that one genius made a blooper reel of the Jets’ season set to “Yakety Sax”. It’s pretty much perfect.

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Tim Tebow Makes These TiVo Ads Very Awkward

Written by Ashley Burns / 12.07.12

Despite being a backup quarterback on a team with a terrible starting quarterback, Tim Tebow is still one of the most talked about people in America. People love Tebow so much that ESPN devoted 99.99999% of its programming this year to focusing on whether or not the former Florida Gator could turn the Jets around, how his All-American persona could co-exist with the bullseye media of New York City, and whether or not he scrubs his taint with a lavender body wash in the shower.

But it’s that chatter and public obsession with Tebow that still makes him a wanted man by companies in need of strong celebrity endorsements, despite those celebrities not being very good at their actual profession. That’s not entirely Tebow’s fault, though, as his rib removal injury has hurt his chances of relieving Mark Sanchez and Jets fans’ woes, so it makes sense that he’d spend this time shilling for TiVo.

Tebow. TiVo. It’s a match made in Heaven, pun very much intended. So why Tebow, TiVo CEO Tom Rogers? Oh, and can you take a cheap shot at the Jets while you explain it? Thanks.

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Here’s A Terrifying Reminder That Athlete Underwear Ads Have Come A Long Way

Written by Ashley Burns / 11.29.12

Earlier this year, there was a considerable deal of buzz around New York Jets backup QB Tim Tebow inking an endorsement deal with the underwear company Jockey, because the world’s most famous virgin doesn’t exactly sound like the perfect candidate for rocking his bulge. But then the ads started flopping out of the fold – like the one above – and we realized that these were newer, more conservative Jockey ads and Tebow wouldn’t be packing heat in print. This naturally made women very angry.

But dried up lady parts aside, Tebow’s endorsement of Jockey is just another chapter in the company’s long, storied history of relationships with professional athletes. And you can even say that it’s a footnote in the grander marriage between what I am told are attractive male athletes and underwear companies in general. For instance, David Beckham has his deal with H&M and Cristiano Ronaldo captures your eyes with his beef pocket for Armani. The point is that athletes have long loved rocking their ding dongs to sell man panties.

And Jockey has done it better than anyone. Well, I guess “better” isn’t the best word. Jockey has done it more than anyone – that’s more accurate. Because the picture that slapped my eyes and teabagged my brain this morning does not qualify as “better”.

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The Top 10 YouTube Comments For The Mark Sanchez Assface Fumble

Written by Brandon Stroud / 11.23.12

So it turns out that Wild Turkey football-picking turkey Jimmy Junior is full of shit. On Wednesday, we shared the video of him picking the NFL’s Thanksgiving day games … he picked Detroit over Houston (Houston won 34-31 in overtime) and Dallas over Washington (Washington controlled the entire game and won 38-31). His only correct pick was New England over New York, and I don’t want to throw shade at a prognosticating animal, but Paul The Psychic Octopus could’ve called that one, and he’s dead.

I think I speak for everyone when I say the highlight of the Patriots/Jets game was Mark Sanchez running into his own lineman’s ass for no reason, fumbling the ball and giving up a touchdown. It was one of the most inexplicably pathetic things I’ve ever seen on a football field, including the time in 10th grade when I went out for a pass, got wide open, got too confident and tripped over my own feet about 20 yards ahead of the ball. At least I didn’t leave my faceprint in somebody’s buttcrack.

There isn’t a lot to be said that wasn’t covered in the KSK live thread for the game, so instead, here are my ten favorite YouTube comments from Ass Fumble-Gate.

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