With Leather policy dictates that I post video of hockey fights without ever learning anything or writing something in-depth about the NHL. Of course, I dictate With Leather policy, which is one of the reasons I love my job so much.
So here we are: an all-out brawl between the Rangers and Islanders that includes the goalies. I guess it's only hockey preseason (there's a preseason?), but New York City hating Long Island is a year-round affair.
Islanders center Mike Comrie is apparently dating Hilary Duff, who I think is an actress or maybe a singer but is basically famous for being young and hot. He took her to dinner in Santa Monica, and as you can see she had an absolute blast. For someone who used to date whatshisface — you know, the chick who thinks he's a punk because he has tattoos, but makes pop music — I gotta say, she has no right to look anything but fucking elated any time she goes out with a guy who isn't wearing Vans and more makeup than she is. Especially when the guy is basically Bruce Wayne, except instead of Batman he's an Islander. TMZ writes:
[T]he Canadian pucker comes with quite a wad of cash — as heir to the Brick Warehouse fortune. Score!… Sources tell us that the twosome have been hot and heavy since a wet weekend of jet skiing in Idaho.
Idaho, huh? This guy just oozes romance. I guess Hilary is just like the rest of us. She really wants to like hockey, but… well… you know how it is. I forgot which channel Versus is, so I started flipping channels and there was a Golden Girls marathon.
"So you play in Long Island, huh? *Yawn* No, that's fascinating. Go on. Oh hey, I'm just gonna take this call, okay?"
It's a little-known fact that the NHL playoffs are going on, and the usually-sucky Islanders are competing in the postseason for the first time since I don't really care. To celebrate the occasion, some Islander fans want to remind you that Buffalo Sabres fans should fuck themselves, probably because they're "fucking faggots."
The audio is NSFW, unless you have an awesome job where you're allowed to yell obscenities. Like drug dealer. Or rapper. Or Hollywood movie director. Or Tourette's.
Note: It is unclear whether the young girl directly in front of these fans is also a "fucking faggot." I bet she is, though.
The Fanhaus is all over the brewing controversy in Long Island, where members of the Rangers — an organization noted for pigheaded behavior — allegedly mistreated members of the Ice Girls, spandex-wearing ladies who are like sexy little human zamboners during stoppages in play.
[T]eams of three Ice Girls clean loose ice known as "snow" in the goal and the blue-painted goaltender's crease in front of the goal line. But Rangers goaltender Henrik Lundqvist declined to move and used his stick to whack the squeegee Kelli Higgins, 23, was using to push the snow into a pile during the first TV timeout, knocking the butt end of the squeegee stick into her stomach.
"I said 'Excuse me' maybe two or three times," Higgins said Wednesday. "He didn't move and didn't say anything, so I gave up and went around him. "The tip of my squeegee kind of hit the tip of his stick. I don't know if he thought I did that on purpose or whatever, but he took a big windup and slashed the squeegee pretty good.
In addition, fellow Ice Girl Chanel — who has a tremendous stripper name and should give me a call if she's not busy next week — claimed another Ranger player spit on her as she left the ice.
The hubbub has caused some to wonder if attractive women should be doing jobs that could be done by regular rink personnel, which may be the stupidest question in the history of modern sports. Haven't these people ever conducted an interview? Attractive women should be favored to get every job. I'd vote for a cheerleader if she ran for president. I'm just so sick of the liberal anti-basket-tossing agenda.
Via a whole bunch of people who emailed me this video, here's the video of the Islanders' Chris Simon chopping down the tree that is the Rangers' Ryan Hollweg.
This is the beauty of hockey: somebody can use their stick as a baseball bat and illegally slash someone in the face, and the commentators say, "Wow, he might get five minutes for this." Any other sport and he'd be tarred and feathered. But make no mistake: hockey shouldn't make the move to become more like other sports; other sports should be as lax as hockey is about violence.
p.s. Obviously Simon was just pissed because the Islanders rep crappy Long Island while everyone from the city loves the Rangers.
