By way of Sports Grid comes the latest in Fans Going Woo technology — a Godless machine captioned by the New York Islanders that can fire 12 t-shirts into the crowd in five seconds. Check out those fans at the bottom of the picture … that’s exactly how you should react to a t-shirt gatling gun.

Now, you may be saying to yourself, “I could hold 12 t-shirts in my arms and just toss them into the crowd at once, taking less than five seconds and not requiring any semi-automatic technology”, and to that I say COMMUNIST, GET HIM and tackle you. Apparently t-shirt gatling guns aren’t anything new, as the first comment on Sports Grid explains that the Jacksonville Jaguars have been using one of these for a few years, so maybe the Islanders haven’t commandeered the first t-shirt machine gun, just the first one to ever be fired at fans.

All we need now is for someone in the Insert Sports Team Here Fun Bunch to create a t-shirt shotgun than can fire a fine spray of extra small shirts and my desire for pro hockey to be a first person shooter will be complete.

[h/t to Sportress]

Fights in hockey have always been a key part of the game, for entertaining and also strategic reasons, but rarely do you get to see the goaltenders ever scrap it out. When it does happen, however, it’s always a delight, even if the fight itself is shitty. The pure action of seeing two guys trying to beat each other up while wearing tons of padding and pants that look like they belong in a maternity store is truly beautiful. That was the case with last night’s fight between Rick DiPietro and Brent Johnson, of the New York Islanders and Pittsburgh Penguins, respectively. Although DiPietro ends on the losing side of the scuffle, he does get points for knocking down Matt Cooke right before. F-ck Matt Cooke. Name me someone who likes Matt Cooke and I’ll show you an asshole. It won’t be my asshole, though. That will cost you a nice dinner and fun evening.

Video after the jump.
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Last week, NHL referee Chris Rooney became Internet famous for all the wrong reasons, after his voice cracked while he was calling off a goal during a game between the Carolina Hurricanes and the New York Islanders. And to make matters worse for the guy, he was touching his crotch while he did it. I like to think he was just giving the ladies a little something special.

But because the Internet is a wonderful place filled with diabolical geniuses, it didn’t take long for someone to edit the clip with a Simpsons clip of the squeaky-voiced teenager. After the jump, I’ve got the original and the remix for your crotch-grabbing, puberty joke enjoyment…

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Evgeni Nabokov was picked up on waivers by the New York Islanders, but like anyone else who would be picked up by the Islanders, he doesn’t want to play there. Nabokov wanted to sign a deal with the Detroit Red Wings. So what did the Islanders do because he said he wouldn’t play? They suspended him so he can’t play! It seems like the equivalent of “You can’t quit! You’re fired!”
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Picture unrelated but adorable.

Former New York Islander Kevin Colley is currently the coach of the Utah Grizzlies hockey team in the ECHL Premier AA league, but today he is an Internet star. Since Friday, the Grizzlies have played three games against the Stockton Thunder and Colley’s team lost all three of them. But it was Saturday’s matchup (the second in the series) that pushed Colley over the edge and into YouTube infamy.

Colley was less than pleased with referee Rick Looker, who has an apparent history of being terrible at his job, and after Utah had racked up the bulk of 225 penalty minutes between the Grizzlies and the Thunder, Colley let Looker know that he wasn’t invited to his next Glee party. Video after the jump…

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A paltry 3,136 fans braved the elements to watch the Islanders beat the Canadiens 4-1 at Nassau Coliseum on Sunday, the team’s third consecutive win. The game went on as scheduled after the Islanders’ request for a postponement of the game due to the wintry conditions in Long Island was denied by the NHL. Suck on that, National Football League. This is how a professional sports league should conduct its business as it pertains to dealing with issues related to inclement weather. The NHL sort of, not really but kind of rules!

“The most important thing for us is to ensure that roads are passable for public safety,” Walker said. “We asked Nassau County residents to stay home unless it was an emergency. To have people out of their homes at 7 p.m. didn’t feel prudent at this time. [Campbell] said he understood the issues and would have to discuss the situation with .”

Traditionally, the league decides to postpone a game based on the recommendation of the home team, but it decided otherwise this time.

Although the league declined to comment for this story, it is believed the ruling was based upon the fact that both teams arrived safely and were available to play and because no state of emergency was declared for Nassau County. “Both teams are here, officials are here and that’s why we’re playing,” Islanders director of communication Kimber Auerbach said. [via]

Damn straight. If people want to risk their safety by traveling in blizzard conditions just to watch a terrible team playing in a decrepit, crumbling arena, let them! I might be in the minority here, but this story clearly illustrates how the NFL had it all wrong and why the Vikings should have played those two “home” games at the Metrodome instead of at Ford Field and TCF Bank Stadium. Imagine the unique fan experience that would have entailed. Once again, the NHL shows how it’s done. Whoo!