I watch all of my NFL games on Sunday with a group of friends at a bar that is owned by a huge Washington Redskins fan, so naturally there’s a small group of burgundy faithful who hang out there as well, and if I can keep blocking out the existence of Daniel Snyder, I can actually appreciate the team with them. It makes it exponentially easier, though, that I have Alfred Morris on my fantasy team and have grown to appreciate him as a player and a person in his rookie season.

So last week, I noticed that some Redskins fans on Twitter were trying to develop a good nickname for Morris, and the very boring and unoriginal “A-Mo” was picking up steam. No. People, please. We need to put an end to this horrible trend of first name, first letter hyphen abbreviated form of last name as a viable nickname already. It’s fine with A-Rod, because aside from A-Hole, there isn’t much else to call him. But A-Mo? Do you really want to give Philadelphia Eagles fans that easy of a chant? The alternative was “Monster” but that’s equally boring. Beast. Monster. Come on.

That’s why I was pleased to see that the inventers of Griffining over at The Burgundy Blog had come up with “The Natural” based on Morris’ patented home run swing touchdown celebration. I like it, a very plain and simple nickname for the guy with the plain and simple car and the ability to drag defenders 10 yards at a time. Good stuff.

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He’s been referred to as “Crazed” and his amazing recent effort has been called “Insane”, but the truth is that Don Martini is the kind of sports fan that most of us want to become some day. The 75-year old retiree lives in Blairstown, New Jersey with his wife, and he’s a lifelong fan of the New York Football Giants. So what does a 75-year old superfan do when he’s got $20,000 burning a hole in his pocket and a heart full of memories of Giants Stadium? He rebuilds it in his garage like a total badass.

Martini’s life is an inspiration to those who still believe in the American dream, according to the New Jersey Star-Ledger, as he was able to retire in his 50s after inventing some thingamajig for cabinets. So for the past 25 years he has just done whatever the hell he’s felt like doing, including building a 20-ft. x 17-ft. scale model replica of his favorite sports stadium that was torn down in 2010. His wife called him crazy, our blogging peers have called him insane, but his reasoning behind the project is just so damned poetic.

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It had been rumored for some time that one of our favorite Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Models, Chrissy Teigen, had been selected to be The X Factor’s female version of Ryan Seacrest, and that would have been awesome, because she’s funny, intelligent and very easy to look at. Then it was reported yesterday that she’s out and Khloe Kardashian and Mario Lopez are in, because f*ck us, that’s why.

This has nothing to do with sports, but my rage should be noted.

NFL: New York Giants at Carolina Panthers – 8:20 PM ET on NFL Network

Eli Manning and the Giants are without Hakeem Nicks, who had 412 catches for 6,215 yards on Sunday while seemingly being injured on every single play. Seriously, I’d watch a play and Nicks would be limping off the field, and then I’d look at another TV, and when I’d look back at the Giants game, he’d make a catch and then start limping again. That said, even sitting out, he’s more effective than all Miami Dolphins receivers.

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Eli Manning Toyota commercials are the Peyton Manning United Way sketches. Okay, maybe not, but watching him dress like an accountant with Kenny Powers hair and not be able to catch a set of keys is still pretty funny. *runs out and buys a Toyota because Eli Manning is sorta funny* (via Terez Owens)

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Links

10 Minutes Of Terror Starring Mike Tyson & His Greatest Knockouts |Smoking Section|

The Best Moments From Cowboys Over Giants Season Kickoff Game |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Sports On TV: Married… With Children’s 20 Greatest Sports Moments |With Leather|

The Pentagon’s Cheetah Robot Beats Usain Bolt’s Speed Record, Is Nightmare Fuel |Gamma Squad|

The 25 Greatest Local News Interviewee Descriptions |UPROXX|

Ranking Television’s 10 Most Epic NOOOOOOOOO Moments |Warming Glow|

Seven Things About Looper You’re Going To Love |Film Drunk|

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Come on, look at him. You don’t want to be like him, do you?

That’s what you’ll look like if you forget to sign up for our TOTALLY FREE Week 1 NFL Fantasy Football game with FanDuel.com. All you have to do is click that link (or this one), sign up and draft a team of players from Sunday and Monday night’s games. The teams with the best performance win money from a $1000 cash pool, and that’s a crazy profit for like two minutes of work for one of your ten fingers.

Here’s how it works:

Again, the game happens this Sunday, September 9 and includes the Monday Night Football game, so don’t try to draft anyone from the Cowboys/Giants game. Payouts start up immediately after MNF, and hell, I’ve been reminding you twice a week for the last three weeks, so just sign up already and let me stop badgering you about it. Be sure to let us know how you do if you place.

In case you’re wondering, I look exactly like Eli up there after every fantasy football game.

Now that the NFL and NCAA football are back in action (BACKTION!) we understand that sports can get a little confusing, so we’re bringing back this old running feature in which we help you decide what to watch each night. This way, you won’t miss anything important, whether it be an incredibly tight and exciting American League East race or an incredibly tight and exciting Oregon Ducks cheerleader.

Dallas Cowboys at New York Giants – 8:30 PM ET on NBC

The NFL comes to us one night earlier than usual – thanks, Obama – as one of the league’s fiercest rivalries takes the main stage. Can Eli Manning and the defending Super Bowl Champion Giants keep momentum in their favor with a win over Tony Romo and the Cowboys’ banged up receivers? Probably. But you can discuss the game in style with our cooler cousin Christmas Ape over at the KSK Live Blog, which is undergoing a sexy makeover this season.

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