Thanks to the success of TV shows like Flip this House and Flip Men, people have been scooping up cheap properties for years in order to give them the ol’ quick fix and sell them for a profit. Take NASCAR star Jeff Gordon and his wife, model Ingrid Vandebosch, for example. In 2007, they purchased a three-bedroom apartment at Central Park West in New York City for $9.6 million and they are currently trying to sell it for the low-but-profitable price of… $30 million. Gee, for that much Ingrid better come with it. Just kidding, we don’t ever buy people.

According to the folks at Halstead Property, this place is worth every penny. All three billion of them. This 3,454-sq. ft. luxury apartment has been renovated top to bottom, as Gordon and his smokin’ wife installed all-new flooring throughout the home, as well as an enormous oak sushi bar in the living room.

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If you weren’t aware, MMA fighter Renzo Gracie is a Gracie Barra Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt and a two-time ADCC Submission Wrestling World Championship gold medalist. He is not the guy you want to mug on a Thursday night in New York City.

Unfortunately that’s what happened, allegedly, and Renzo added insult to the injuries you assume he dished out by live-blogging the entire thing on his Twitter account, @Renzo_Gracie_BJJ. I say “allegedly” because the tweets are thorough but don’t provide a lot of context, so depending on your point of view, one of two things happened:

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Or better yet, instead of choosing between bum vs. tourist, let’s have them team up and beat the hell out of whoever still films videos longways. (via The Daily What)

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Links

Breaking Badass Power Rankings: ‘Say My Name’ |Warming Glow|

RoboCop Remake: Jose Padilha Says Working With MGM Is Hell |Film Drunk|

If You See Tom Hanks In A Restaurant, Steal His Glasses And Pretend To Be Drunk |UPROXX|

Peter King Has Noticed An All-Time High In Preciousness |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

A Golden Treasury Of Cheesy Late-80s/Early-90s WWF Promo Photos |With Leather|

10 Pokémon You Should Never, Ever Use |Smoking Section|

The Best Of #Omar Little |UPROXX|

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That ain't rain, it's a sploosh tsunami.

The New York Jets are 0-2 in the 2012 NFL Preseason thus far, and quarterback Mark Sanchez is a combined 13/17 for 80 yards, 0 TD and 1 INT in those two games. At the same time, the Jets’ backup QB and fan favorite Tim Tebow is a combined 9/22 for 96 yards, 0 TD and 1 INT. Needless to say, this is not a good sign for the Jets. But it’s not time to panic yet, because it’s just the preseason, after all, and besides, it’s all Wayne Hunter’s fault.

When it comes to Tebow’s actual on-field performances, though, nobody seems to care. Well, Boomer Esiason does, but that’s about it. After all, today’s hottest news about Tebow is that he was the only Jets QB to throw a football 25 yards into a trash can after 11 or so attempts (bonus pic at KSK), and South Carolina approved the Tebow Law, which allows home-schooled teenagers to play high school football.

And then there’s the New York Times, which is “reporting” that with preseason under way, the Big Apple’s biggest virgin will finally face his ultimate temptation.

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You know you’re in dangerous territory when the mascot starts facepalming.

Another Independence Day has come and gone, and with it must come and go our contractually obligated coverage of the Nathans Hot Dog Eating Contest. Joey Chestnut took home his sixth consecutive championship and $10,000 for an effort that saw him eat nearly seven hot dogs per minute for ten minutes. It’s the kind of performance that makes you swell with pride or vomit, or possibly both.

The 28-year-old San Jose, California, man nicknamed “Jaws” scarfed down 68 hot dogs in 10 minutes in the sweltering summer heat to take home $10,000 and the mustard yellow belt. He bested his main rival by 16 dogs.

“I feel good, it was a great win,” Chestnut said after the contest, adding he wished he could have eaten a record number of hot dogs for the audience. “I tried my best. I’m looking forward to next year already.” (via Associated Press)

Full video of the contest is below, if you had to go to a wedding or your DVR went on the fritz or something and you couldn’t watch it. Also included is the facepalm-worthy clip of New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg rattling off every single hot dog pun known to man, causing even an anthropomorphic hot dog to be embarrassed for him. Choice quote: “Who wrote this shit?”

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"I'll take a lap grind for the boy and a couple nips on the foot for me."

It seems like a pretty slow Tim Tebow news day, what with the big hubbub around the New York Jets’ new not-so-secret weapon being that he now has a sandwich named after him and he got a manicure and pedicure at MB Nails in West Hollywood on Tuesday. Man, this dude will do anything to make sure Rex Ryan names him the starter.

But our good friends at Rick’s Cabaret want to remind Tebow that Hollywood doesn’t have anything on New York City, especially when it comes to showing the former Heisman Trophy winner some love. In case you forgot, Tim, the ladies at Rick’s have offered to give you your (presumably) very first lap dance free of charge to show you just how grateful they are to have you in the Big Apple. Not like that Mark Sanchez guy who keeps asking the girls if they’re old enough to vote.

The offer still stands, Tim, so don’t let these ladies down, especially after they went out and got themselves some Tebow jerseys. They might be defective, though, because they seem to fall off easily.

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