Wow, what a day for speculation in the NBA! First some black-and-white airbrush Brooklyn logos show up and now the city of New Orleans may be in danger of losing the Hornets franchise to those troublemakers up in Seattle. After the league’s recent purchase of the Hornets, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer coincidentally sold $1.4 billion worth of stock and he’s been very open about his desire to return a NBA franchise to the Emerald City.
Now I know what you’re thinking – “Burnsy, aren’t your abs naturally sculpted and isn’t it pretty common for a billionaire to just up and sell $1.4 billion worth of stock?” And to be honest, I read the figure “$1.4 billion” and lost control of my bowels, blacked out and woke up in a puddle of my own tears. Regardless, Seattle is making a push to replace the void left by the Sonics’ move to Oklahoma City after David Stern left a flaming bag of dog poop on the entire city’s doorstep.
Cool Dog thinks you should pursue an acting career, Chris.
With all of the free agent hullabaloo going on in the NBA, it’s easy to forget about some of the more talented players under contract. Chris Paul is one of those who has been over looked, but he seems to have a scheme or two up his sleeve. Paul, like a fundamentalist Christian during Mardi Gras, wants to leave The Big Easy sooner than later. The problem for Chris is that he still has two years left in his contract.
When Paul was quoted a few weeks ago as saying he’d be open to a trade if the Hornets aren’t committed to building a championship team, it was only a small hint as to the size of the chasm that exists between the franchise and its cornerstone player. Paul, in fact, has put into motion an aggressive exit strategy that will accelerate in the coming weeks, and his clear intention is to be traded before the start of the 2010-11 season, a person with direct knowledge of his plans told CBSSports.com Wednesday.
“He wants out,” said the person, who has been briefed on Paul’s strategy but spoke on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to discuss it publicly. “He wants to play with another superstar. He wants to follow LeBron’s model of teaming up with other great players.”
Paul’s list of preferred destinations consists of the Knicks, Magic and Lakers, and members of his inner circle already have sent word to the Hornets of his desire to be traded to one of those teams, sources say. If Paul has his way, he’s played his last game in a Hornets jersey. –CBS Sports via USA Today
“He wants to follow LeBron’s model?” If LeBron’s setting a precedent for how players treat their careers, then I’m worried about the future of the league. Are hour long specials and documentaries just the beginning? If so, they should start doing free agent reality shows in space. Chad Ochocinco could host it on VH-1. They’ll call it Child Please, Baby Gurl: An Interstellar Quandary. Chris Paul shows his acting chops after the jump Read the rest of this entry »
If I were forced to select my favorite player between James Posey and Stephen Jackson, I suppose I would have to go with Posey. The guy clearly knows how to set a pick.
I suppose this means that Posey and Jackson aren’t buddies, because as the old saying goes, “You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose,” and Posey is almost knuckle-deep in Jackson’s nostril.
What do you mean booger jokes aren’t funny? These bits were (nose) gold, Jerry, (nose) gold!
Give credit where it’s due to NBA star Chris Paul and his three associates here in a terrific spoof of the film Paranormal Activity. It’s rather charming throughout, but has two solid lollerskating moments. My favorite part happens ten seconds before the end of the video when Paul gets called for a personal foul against Dwyane Wade. Sorry, that will never not be funny to me. Unless somebody else does it. Thanks to Ben at That NBA Lottery Pick. Video’s after the jump.Read the rest of this entry »
The Hornets fell to loathsome Spurs 91-82 in Game 7 of the Western Conference semis in New Orleans last night, setting up a San Antonio-LA conference finals showdown that forces anyone with a soul to partake in the unenviable chore of cheering for the same team as Jack Nicholson.
Chris Paul (18 points, 14 assists, 8 rebounds, 5 steals) and the Bugs mounted a fourth-quarter comeback to whittle a 17-point lead down to three in the final minutes, but the Spurs' playoff experience, three-point shooting, and ability to act like complete bitches were simply too much for the young home team.
Balding puddle of feces Manu Ginobili led all scorers with 26 points on a blistering 6-19 shooting performance, while all-world bore Tim Duncan chipped in 16 and 14 boards. Stubblecunt Tony Parker added 17 and a Gallic look of being near the brink of tears, while the thrill-a-minute Spurs busted loose for two fast break points. Whoa, someone slow the game down!
In conclusion, the Riverwalk is just a sewage ditch. Fuck San Antonio in the pants.
NBA — Spurs-Hornets isn't so much a series than a succession of home-court blowouts with the sheen of import. Game 6 was in San Antonio so… (consults playground folding paper fortune teller device) YES! I will live in a mansion when I grow up! Also, Spurs win. (Now about that mansion…) Manu Ginobili hit six 3-pointers en route to 25 points and finds he's much more likable when he doesn't emphasize the flopping aspect of his flopketball skills. David West jacked up his back again, making things even more interesting for Game 7 in New Orleans. Of course, Game 7 is three days away, because the NBA Playoffs must last at least five months.
NHL — The Flyers, like the Stars, stubbornly refuse to be swept. They caught the Pens thinking they had the whole thing wrapped up, surprising Pittsburgh with three goals in the 1st period on the way to a 4-2 win in Game 4. It must be because it's the 33-year anniversary of the Islanders coming back 3-0 against the Penguins! Because the number three equals jinxed and two threes? Yo, that straight plaguish, son. The Penguins leave Sid Crosby in in the waning moments to get beat up and analysts lose their shit. He's gotta earn that pout, you know.
MLB — Jason Bay, inspirer of bad covers of "Yesterday," was the latest to tee off on Jason Isringhausen, who picked up his 5th loss with three earned in a 1/3 inning, with a homer to touch off a 7-run rally by the Pirates in the 8th and 9th to win 11-5…Brandon Webb starts 9-0 for the season with a 7-plus innings, eight strikeout performance in a 8-5 win over the Rockies…Cole Hamels gets a complete game four-hit shutout over the Bravos, and loogit, Ryan Howard did good…"Big Puma" Lance Berkman hits his league leading 15th homer in the 9th to down the Giants 8-7...The Nats' Willie Harris comes up with an insane grab in the 9th, included after the jump, to preserve a 1-0 win over the Nigh Mets.
