Morning Links: The Hive Is Open For Dot Biz

Written by Brandon Stroud / 12.28.11

We’ve endorsed him for New Orleans Hornets owner before, but comedian-slash-pro-wrestling-manager-slash-Air-Sex-Pioneer-slash-everything-else Chris Trew should already be running the team and throwing together Alonzo Mourning handshakes for pregame festivities. Make this happen, anyone in charge of basketball.

With Leather Links

- Follow us on Twitter @withleather
- Follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud and Burnsy @MayorBurnsy
- Like us on Facebook.

ROFLMNBAO: The NBA Weekend In Pictures - First, two links from us we want to make sure you don’t miss … the first is Burnsy’s loving tribute to Kissing Suzy Kolber, wherein big white block letters make people like Khloe Kardashian acceptable. Click through this, love it, drop a comment. [With Leather]

The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 12/26: Hate Leads To Suffering - If we can get this back up to 150 comments on the reg I’m going to give away more cash (two people have already won 50 bucks each for retweeting the last pay-per-view report) so if you read the report, get over there and comment. Eventually you’re going to comment on everything you read and I will stop bugging you about it. WRESTLING, YAY [With Leather]

Additional Links

sonny-with-a-chancePeter King Has A Theory - Doesn’t he always? P.S. the Discount Double-Check is my new favorite gif. I feel like I could watch it forever. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Seems Appropriate, Disney Channel - Eating disorder jokes aren’t anything new to the Disney Channel (that episode of The Suite Life when London has to lose weight, for example … yes I can make that reference) but Demi Lovato almost lost her mind to one so they should probably cool it. Also, show more cartoons and stop making 12 year olds rich. [Warming Glow]

The Avengers Will Be Converted To 3D In Post - Hugo was amazing in 3D. Also, nothing else should be 3D again ever. [Film Drunk]

Fat Joe And Chris Brown Have Made Another Terrible Song - I can’t confirm it, but I’m going to go ahead and say that Fat Joe is the Uncle Kracker of hip-hop. Chris Brown is a crazy monster. They love to drink! This is not good. [Smoking Section]

A Portal 2 VGA Acceptance Video Trying To Trick Me Into Thinking Half-Life 3 Exists - I’m just going to keep pretending that a Half-Life 2: Episode 3 lives in my house and can be played whenever I want and that Valve doesn’t secretly hate and resent me. [Gamma Squad]

Hot Potato: 15 Photos of PXC Ring Girl Abby Poblador - Have mercy. Oh, and by the way, Cage Potato’s slide viewer should make you really appreciate how reader-friendly ours is. [Cage Potato]

Let’s Take A Moment To Blow Up Christmas Ornaments In Slow Motion - Yes, let’s! [UPROXX]

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@Storytime: Ice Cube Might Have To Use His AK On David Stern

Written by Ashley Burns / 12.16.11

"Who you tryin' to get crazy with, Twitter? Don't you know I'm loco?"

There was already a week’s worth of backlash in the media over David Stern* blocking the trade between the New Orleans Hornets and the Los Angeles Lakers that would have teamed Chris Paul with Kobe Bryant by the time that the league announced that Paul had instead been traded to the L.A. Clippers. But yesterday began the entertaining backlash that I had been waiting for, as Lakers fans started their campaign of “Stern hates us, we got screwed.” It’s adorable, really, watching so many people hilariously ignore why Pau Gasol is even a Laker in the first place.

Then last night someone on my Twitter feed retweeted Ice Cube echoing that sentiment, that the Lakers have been screwed because Stern wouldn’t allow the Lakers to get Paul for dirt cheap while making the Houston Rockets do all the heavy lifting. While Cube failed to mention that the Clippers gave up a wealth of talent in Eric Gordon and one of the most valuable 2012 draft picks (Minnesota’s), he did continue on with a rant about how the Lakers own the Clippers and Kobe and Co. will still win another title this year.

You can read his Twitter rant after the jump, and I took the liberty of incorporating his Tweets with my favorite Ice Cube photos. Very funny.

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Eric Gordon Isn’t Crying, It’s His Allergies

Written by Ashley Burns / 12.15.11

In what I would think is a pretty cool effort to show love to some people who suffer so much, the Los Angeles Clippers sent Blake Griffin, DeAndre Jordan and Eric Gordon on a bus ride with a group of season ticket holders. Together, they could embrace the legacy of Donald Sterling and gently weep into each other’s arms.

Then a funny thing happened. The Clippers and the New Orleans Hornets agreed to a trade involving Chris Paul – again – and after a conference call with Hornets GM Dell Demps, David Stern actually approved it. That’s right, Chris Paul has finally been traded. And that’s awesome for Griffin and Jordan, who chest bumped each other on the bus after someone announced the news that they acquired Paul for Chris Kaman, Al-Farouq Aminu, Minnesota’s unprotected first round pick in the 2012 draft and… Gordon.

Yikes.

In case you’re wondering, yes, the Los Angeles Lakers are furious over the Clippers getting Paul. As the L.A. Times points out, everyone is talking about the Clippers right now and dreaming of the amazing alley oops that we’re going to see for Griffin this year. But the Lakers, they were supposed to have Paul and Kobe Bryant while shedding everyone but Andrew Bynum so they could also get Dwight Howard. Now, unless they give up their stance and agree to send Bynum and Pau Gasol to the Orlando Magic (spoiler: they will!) the Lakers will be scrambling to start rebuilding soon.

See? The lockout fixed everything. The Lakers are doomed and the small market Clippers have a chance to succeed now. Hooray David Stern, champion of equality!

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Chris Paul Is Still Going To Los Angeles?

Written by Ashley Burns / 12.12.11

Now that the Los Angeles Lakers have focused their middle market superstar thievery on Dwight Howard, the New Orleans Hornets still need to find a taker for Chris Paul while maintaining a certain level of franchise value for attracting a new owner. It turns out that the Hornets have found that suitor and Paul will be going to L.A. after all. But now he’s going to be a Clipper, which means celebrities are going to be very confused about which L.A. team to pretend that they like.

The Hornets would receive much-needed size in 7-0 center Chris Kaman (12.4 ppg, 7.0 rpg), a promising second-year point guard in Eric Bledsoe (6.7 ppg, 3.6 apg, 1.1 spg), an athletic second-year small forward in Al-Farouq Aminu (5.6 ppg, 3.3 rpg) and the Clippers’ unprotected 2012 draft pick via the Minnesota Timberwolves.

(Via USA Today)

Aside from that Minnesota draft pick, which I assume will be a lottery pick, this deal is incredibly underwhelming to me, but people seem to be very high on Bledsoe, so it is what it is. There was actually some confusion between ESPN and Yahoo! over which Eric was involved in the deal, as the Worldwide Leader claimed that Eric Gordon was heading to New Orleans, but Adrian Wojnarowski says that’s not the case and it is just Bledsoe.

Paul has been very clear about which teams he would sign an extension with – basically the Lakers or New York Knicks – but he said that he’ll pick up his option for the 2012-13, which means that we’ll get to see him passing to Blake Griffin for at least one season. And that’s one more year that Donald Sterling can tell people he has a new black employee, so everyone’s a winner.

UPDATE: ESPN just reported that David Stern will once again strike down this deal… for basketball reasons.

CONFUSING UPDATE NO. 2: Apparently the deal was Kaman, Al Faraq and Gordon, despite what Woj Tweeted.

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And David Stern Was All Like, LOL JK!

Written by Ashley Burns / 12.09.11

Last night, it was like Twitter had a stroke. Tens of thousands of sports writers, bloggers, fans and general morons were going bananas over the reports that Chris Paul had been traded to the Los Angeles Lakers. The first report, which could have caused riots if true, described the trade as a straight-up deal between the Lakers – giving up Lamar Odom and Pau Gasol – and New Orleans Hornets for Chris Paul. Had that been true, David Stern and Hornets GM Dell Demps would probably be in hiding right now.

Then the correction came in – Andrew Bynum and Odom for Chris Paul. A little better, but still nonsense in the eyes of most middle market fans. That couldn’t be the best deal the Hornets could get, and thankfully it wasn’t. The final, actual deal came in – Paul to the Lakers, Gasol to the Houston Rockets, and Odom, Kevin Martin, Goran Dragic and Luis Scola to the Hornets. Even then, nobody was pleased, and it turns out the league owners were the least pleased of all, because they said, “F*ck a bunch of that” and within two hours this blockbuster was squashed.

Why, you ask? Well, it’s complicated.

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Remember When Carmelo Anthony Held His Team Hostage? That’s Chris Paul Now

Written by Ashley Burns / 12.01.11

So it looks like I jumped the gun with the whole “this Chris Paul thing will be fascinating” because it’s about as plain and simple as your mom’s underwear. According to Adrian Wojnarowski and Marc Spears at Yahoo!, Paul’s agent has already told the New Orleans Hornets not to bother trying to sign CP3 to an extension – duh? – because he wants to be traded to the New York Knicks as soon as it’s convenient to the league, the team and his heavenly desires.

You know, I was just thinking about how funny it was when Carmelo Anthony bragged about the owners invoking a “Melo Rule” during the lockout so a player couldn’t drag his feet and demand to be traded wherever he wants to play and not to a team that, you know, offers the best deal. That sure was funny, wasn’t it? Too bad the Knicks don’t have crap to trade.

… the prospects of the Hornets executing a trade with the Knicks appear to be relatively dim. The Knicks simply don’t have the trade assets that come close to meeting New Orleans’ criteria for a deal. Demps has been listening to overtures from teams around the league, and has been actively working under the assumption that Paul would reject a contract extension.

The Hornets have no intention of letting Paul walk away at season’s end without trying to get maximum value for him. There are several teams, including the Boston Celtics, that could be willing to make a deal for Paul with the hope of convincing him to eventually sign an extension.

And Paul already said that he won’t sign an extension if he is traded to the Celtics, so he’s already essentially poisoning the prospects of any great deals being thrown at the Hornets. The one apparent caveat to Paul’s “My Super Sweet 16″ demand is that he really wants to play with Dwight Howard (here’s a crazy thought – ask for a trade to the Orlando Magic). The Knicks trading for Paul isn’t impossible, but Howard, too? Simply outrageous. Hold on, a bottle from the future just appeared in the mailbox at my lake house and there’s a note in it…

“Otis Smith is still the general manager of the Orlando Magic.”

OK, looks like the Knicks will be getting Paul and Howard soon.

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