Originally, I was going to publish a huge NBA Draft preview yesterday that was going to provide very little actual insight while serving up a few dozen jokes about why our favorite teams suck and the rich will get richer. But instead I came down with a cold, so I’m going to settle in tonight and watch the NBA Draft from the comfort of my own couch, with some hot tea and a few vintage issues of Penthouse.
So what the hell, let’s have ourselves a live discussion while we’re at it. Will Anthony Davis scream with joy when the New Orleans pick him with the first overall pick that was in no way given to them by a corrupt commissioner? Will Davis trademark my toe hair? Will he run straight out and buy a Bentley like a responsible draft pick? How will the Charlotte Bobcats screw up their pick? By what time will Dwight Howard be a Houston Rocket? Will Royce White overcome his fear of flying to become a millionaire?
Join us tonight as we break down the NBA Draft in real time, and share this post on Facebook and Twitter to unlock the TRADEMARKED unibrow badge. And enjoy that badge until Davis tries to sue me. Don’t worry about me, though. I’m represented by Franklin and Bash.
Friend of the site and Best And Worst Of WWE Raw report filler-inner Chris Trew does a lot of things with his spare time — co-hosting live Raw watch parties with me, touring the country with stand-up comedy, birthing improv theaters across the southern United States and emceeing the Air Sex World Championships among them — but he’s at his best when he’s enthusiastically conversing with strangers.
That’s what makes this video so enjoyable … Trew showed up at a Hornets Draft Lottery Party at Mannings in New Orleans to interview fans of varying optimism about what they’d do if the team did or didn’t get the first pick in the draft. Highlights include a guy in a Daniel Bryan shirt who wants to loot beer, a guy straight out of Slacker who wants to start his own mini-pizza franchise and a guy who is gonna have a nice day and a pleasant dinner no matter what happens.
As we know now, David Stern worked his magic and the Hornets drafted Anthony Davis and his magnificent brow, so the clip has a happy ending. See? Trew’s a good luck charm. Maybe he’ll end up owning 3.27% of the team after all.
The NBA Draft Lottery was held last night to determine which team commissioner David Stern was doing favors for this year possesses the No. 1 pick and the eventual rights to Anthony Davis, and to mild surprise the big winner was the New Orleans Hornets. Many people had assumed that Michael Jordan’s pathetic Charlotte Bobcats would win the top pick, but apparently they even suck at being the worst.
That’s why the above image is so amusing, as Davis apparently believed that he was destined for Charlotte with the Snapback hat. Fortunately, it’s a Charlotte Hornets hat so he didn’t waste $30.
But many are still crying foul that the team that the NBA still owns – until the new owner, Tom Benson, officially takes control in July – received this pick as compensation for the fact that Stern and Co. sent Chris Paul packing to Los Angeles. In fact, according to an online USA Today poll, A LOT of people think that Stern is a dirty, no-good cheater.
The idea that the man who is in charge of a billion dollar sports league would be so obvious in collusion and hold such contempt for the fans is one that people discuss with such incredible passion on both sides of the argument, so I wanted to make sure that I collected my thoughts properly in making my own argument as to whether or not Stern is capable of fixing the televised NBA Draft Lottery…
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The highlight, of course, is Jackson changing up his “great vengeance and furious anger” monologue from Pulp Fiction to make it about the Hornets lying their vengeance upon thee. He should’ve taken it all the way and repeatedly asked Blake Griffin what Marsellus Wallace looks like. I guess my only real complaint is that he wasn’t unexpectedly eaten by a shark in the middle of it.
The Hornets and the Minnesota Timberwolves have really emerged as leaders in NBA new media this season. They should throw in together and make dumb viral videos introduced by celebrities. It’d be just like Funny or Die!
Comedian Will Ferrell handled player introduction duties during last night’s New Orleans Hornets versus Chicago Bulls game, and it didn’t disappoint. I’d say it ranks somewhere between his Ric Flair-inspired character on ‘Eastbound & Down’ and posing as a Venezuelan to pitch for the Round Rock Express as the funniest Will Ferrell sports moment ever.
Highlights include Derrick Rose loving The Notebook, Luol Deng collecting rare birds (and having a pet dolphin named “Chachi”) and Gustavo Ayon being loved despite not speaking “a lick of English”. I know I said this about Dirk Nowitzki, but Will Ferrell should just announce everything.