In case you missed it last night, Dwight Howard had one of the more remarkable games in his career as the Orlando Magic had their most remarkable win of the season. The Magic overcame a 14-point halftime deficit that was the result of a 20-0 Miami Heat run in the second quarter to defeat their in-state rivals 104-98 in overtime. Howard posted 24 points and 25 rebounds to lead his band of merry just-not-good-enoughers to their third straight win. And that’s where the fun ends.

During last night’s game, a Dwight Howard New Jersey Nets shirt (above) was briefly available on NBA.com, and after the game, ESPN had a very peculiar description for Howard’s effort and the importance of that game.

Howard is currently with the Magic in San Antonio, so if it was his Orlando finale, the Magic are getting as much mileage out of him as possible. Leading up to last night’s game, the Twitters were alive with the sounds of rumors that the Magic were part of a threeway deal with the Milwaukee Bucks and Golden State Warriors that would land them Monta Ellis, one of Howard’s preferred additions, but that was shot to poop when the Bucks and Warriors kicked the Magic out of bed and just had themselves a two-way.

Meanwhile, Howard was asked after his team’s win if he wants to be traded before tomorrow’s deadline and his response was: “I told the team I want to stay and finish the season.” He also said that the Magic could then roll the dice on him in the offseason, to which LeBron James responded, “Yo Cleveland, check out this assh*le!”

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"Ladies and gentlemen, if the husband is a dipsh*t, you must acquit."

As the 2011-12 NBA season has now lasted longer than his marriage to Kim Kardashian, New Jersey Nets forward Kris Humphries will soon head to court to convince a judge to grant an annulment instead of proceeding with an actual divorce. Kardashian, on the other hand, hired divorce attorney Laura Wasser, who previously helped Maria Shriver, Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie take their famous husbands to the cleaners.

Humphries originally wanted to be represented by his family’s attorney in Minnesota – and broadcast the hearing to show us all the real “reality” – but California law requires someone from that state, so instead of finding his own big gun to fire back against Wasser, he’s going in the complete opposite direction – by representing himself. So what does Michael Bluth expect to get out of playing Matlock?

“Kris would like there to be an admission that there was fraud, that there was a malicious intention by the Kardashians to use Kris and to make money and benefit themselves from him ,” says the source. “He wants them to publicly admit that they never intended for it to be a real marriage.” (Via Hollywood Life)

Yeah, good luck with that, dude. Here’s a quick prediction of how Wasser will prepare Kardashian:

Wasser: “Can you cry on command?”
Kardashian: “I’m not sure, I’m not an actress or singer or person with discernible talent.”
Wasser: “Pretend that Nicki Minaj’s cousin just refused to make a sex tape with you.”
Kardashian: *screams out in agony*
Wasser: “Your honor, my client is the victim.”

Video analysis: Blake Griffin is awesome at slam dunks.

Personal insight: The hardest part of being a basketball announcer has to be the post-dunk declaration. You don’t have to say anything great — something in the vein of “LeBron James, LIVIN’ LA VIDA LOCA!” would be fine — but it has to be different and dunk-specific every time. If you call a Blake Griffin game you’ve got to have like 25 options written on a piece of paper when you put on the headphones.

For this dunk, “THAT’S A MAN’S JAM!” and “this … is a RACK ATTACK!” were chosen. I’m not one to reinforce gender stereotypes, but a man’s jam would be straight up and straight down as hard as possible, not one with a bunch of twirling, and it wouldn’t call itself what you might call ejaculate. Also, this is a Rack Attack.

And for the record, this is a Woman’s Jam.

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IT’S SABU, SABU HAS RETURNED TO THE BANKERS LIFE FIELDHOUSE*

Sadly when the lights come on there’s nobody there with a chair to toss at Kris Humphries’ face and jump kick it, but the power randomly going out during the second quarter of Thursday night’s game between the Indiana Pacers and New Jersey Nets was still pretty funny.

It caused a five minute delay and did about as much damage as the Monday Night Football outage at Candlestick Park back in December, so I think my favorite part is the announcer going “hello? HELLO?” when they go out and imagining that he thought he’d just died, or found himself thrust into a Febreze commercial.

*Alternate joke: Great, now the judge in the town’s got bloodstains on his hands.

[h/t to SportsGrid]

For the past few months, Kim Kardashian and her family of reality TV gypsies have tried their hardest to play the PR game in the wake of her divorce from New Jersey Nets forward Kris Humphries. As we’ve discussed with great fervor and joy, the public response to her divorce after 72 days of marriage was fiery and hateful, as the Kardashians tried very hard to play the role of victims after milking Kim’s big day for approximately $17 million. Allegedly.

The PR game, of course, was controlled by the producers of Khloe and Kim Take New York, as each episode of the show made Humphries out to be the most despicable man on the planet. Some of us knew better than that – because he’s too dumb to be evil – but Humphries still needed a chance to expose the actual reality and not E!’s warped version.

BOOM! Welcome to divorce court.

Sources tell us … Kris and his lawyer, Lee Hutton, want to “expose the M.O. of reality TV” by proving Kim had no intention of staying married to him, but just wanted big ratings for her reality show.

Now here’s the irony. The duo wants to prove their point by asking the judge to allow TMZ and TV stations to broadcast the trial — something that the judge might find a tad hypocritical … not that we’re complaining. (Via TMZ)

Ummmmm, no. That’s not what hypocritical means, guys. Hypocritical would be Humphries selling the rights to air the divorce after he and his management team edits it to show the “reality” that he wants to show.

What Humphries and his lawyer want to do is broadcast the divorce hearings so us jerkholes that have been bagging on him can see the real truth – that Kim and her mom, Kris Jenner, are manipulative divas with no talent other than preying on the dimwitted for the sake of profit, and that the wedding was their ultimate masterpiece.

But of course TMZ points out one big problem…

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Let’s play a game. Pretend that you were once an inexplicably famous TV star, despite never displaying a single actual talent, and your only contribution to society was an amateur porn tape. You dated professional athletes and made your relationships public news by leaking sordid details to the tabloids, and you eventually decided to marry a mouth-breathing backup forward at the height of your popularity. But then the empire began to crumble when word leaked out that you profited $17 million on that wedding, and the public became enraged when that marriage ended after 72 days.

This game is called “Common Sense Damage Control” and I’m obviously talking about Kim Kardashian, who has possibly put on the worst charade in the history of public perception. After her divorce from New Jersey Nets forward Kris Humphries, Kardashian used charity work and sharp video editing skills to try and salvage her image by making Humphries look like the bad guy, but none of her efforts really worked. So let’s put ourselves in her shoes.

If the whole world was screaming for your demise because you just received a windfall from an allegedly fake wedding during one of the worst economic periods in American history, would you:

A) Call Oprah and Ellen and beg for them to have you on their shows so you can be open and honest and try to redeem yourself through appealing to the emotions of your angered fans.
B) Take some time off, drop out of the public eye and let people forget about you for a year or so.
C) Air your reality show’s season finale, in which you meet with fake telepathic medium John Edwards, who pretends to channel your dead father, and then sob about how that is your reason for wanting to get a divorce.

Oh you f*cking know it was C. Seriously, if you watch “Kourtney and Kim Take New York”, please email me your address so I can come to your house and throw a brick through your TV.