Nobody Tell Phil Mushnick About Los Lakers

Written by Brandon Stroud / 05.07.12

jay-z-nets-racist

Jay Z owns 1.5% of the Brooklyn Nets and played a role in designing their new uniforms — simple black and white gear with a shield on the front that says “NETS” and a basketball with a B on it. Thankfully, the New York Post’s Phil Mushnick is here to point out an aspect of the unis that us basement-dwelling man-children in the blogging community might’ve missed: that black people are violent animals. Wait, what?

From his column ‘Equal Time’:

As long as the Nets are allowing Jay-Z to call their marketing shots — what a shock that he chose black and white as the new team colors to stress, as the Nets explained, their new “urban” home — why not have him apply the full Jay-Z treatment?

Why the Brooklyn Nets when they can be the New York N——s? The cheerleaders could be the Brooklyn B—-hes or Hoes. Team logo? A 9 mm with hollow-tip shell casings strewn beneath. Wanna be Jay-Z hip? Then go all the way!

In case you bl—cked out reading that, Phil Mushnick has decided that black people only dress in monochrome, that when you say Brooklyn is urban you have to say it’s “urban” because you don’t mean urban, you mean black, and if a rapper were put in charge of a basketball team he’d obviously degrade women, call his players a racial slur and change their logo to a gun.

As you might already know, people who say racist sh*t can never understand why people think THEY’RE the racist. You can read this next blockquote, wherein Mushnick expresses outrage over people having a problem with the pageview diarrhea that comes out of his fingers, or you can just assume he said “but it’s the N**GER who is racist!” and move on with your life.

Such obvious, wishful and ignorant mischaracterizations of what I write are common. I don’t call black men the N-word; I don’t regard young women as bitches and whores; I don’t glorify the use of assault weapons and drugs. Jay-Z, on the other hand…..Is he the only NBA owner allowed to call black men N—ers?

Jay-Z profits from the worst and most sustaining self-enslaving stereotypes of black-American culture and I’M the racist? Some truths, I guess, are just hard to read, let alone think about.

I don’t know, Herb Kohl can get pretty controversial.

And so continues the “old media becomes new media” circle of life, where people write something they know will be controversial, half a dozen people edit and publish something they know will be controversial and spend a few weeks wondering why everyone thinks it’s so controversial. And yes, I just called Herb Kohl a racist, please link to my blog.

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Chris Christie Wishes The Best For The Nets

Written by Ashley Burns / 04.24.12

Governor Christie displays his controversial new state seal.

Last night, the New Jersey Nets played their last game ever as residents of the Prudential Center, as they wrapped up a lackluster 22-43 season with a 105-87 spanking at the hands of the Philadelphia 76ers. But Nets fans showed up in force to support their team of lovable losers, most of which will probably be on different teams next season when the Nets move to Brooklyn and open the brand new Barclays Center. Unless Brooklyn wants to keep having lottery picks, in which case Gerald Wallace can check Craigslist for some rentals.

Meanwhile, not everyone in New Jersey was chanting, “Let’s go Nets” last night. Governor Chris Christie was less than pleased when asked about his opinion on the Nets leaving for Brooklyn.

“My message to them is, goodbye,” Christie said at an afternoon news conference at Newark Beth Israel Hospital where he signed a bill to promote organ and tissue donation. “You don’t want to stay, we don’t want you.”

“That’s one of the most beautiful arenas in America they have a chance to play in, it’s in one of the country’s most vibrant cities, and they want to leave here and go to Brooklyn?” he asked. “Good riddance, see you later. I think there’ll be some other NBA team who may be looking to relocate and they might look at that arena and the fan base in the New Jersey and New York area and say, `This is an opportunity to increase our fan base and try something different.”‘ (Via Sports Illustrated)

I’m not quite up to speed on my New Jersey politics – at least not since state leaders shot down my proposal to unleash Koala Chlamydia on the shores – but has Christie even weighed in on the Nets before today? It’s kind of adorable watching Christie stomp his feet as his NBA team leaves for Brooklyn, but does he really think one of the 22 NBA teams reportedly losing money are going to pick Newark over Seattle or Kansas City or anywhere that’s not Newark?

Well, maybe the Charlotte Bobcats would, but Jersey would be better off with a WNBA team.

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Ouch My Face LOL -_-

Written by Brandon Stroud / 04.19.12
Fan hit in head by basketball while texting

>=(

Basketball can be a divisive game, but from Larry Brown Sports comes a story we can all enjoy — a guy spends thousands of dollars on front row seats to Wednesdays Knicks/Nets game in New Jersey, decides he’d rather text than pay attention to what’s happening on the court and catches a Tyson Chandler pass to the face.

Full video is below.

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Mark Cuban Is Trying To Turn This Into A Wrestling Blog

Written by Brandon Stroud / 04.12.12

New Jersey Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov and Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban are living out their own WWE storyline.

For those of you who don’t follow professional wrestling, here’s how a modern WWE storyline works. Remember when the guys you watched as a kid would punch each other and lay snakes on each other and rip off one another’s crucifixes? Now they just talk. They badmouth each other on Twitter, that turns into them badmouthing each other in person (for several weeks, usually) until the final, underwhelming conclusion that would’ve been great if they’d been guys who actually hated each other, and not just rich folks pretending on the Internet.

On Tuesday, Mikhail said the following awesome underwater-training thing about Cuban, should he try to sign Nets point guard Deron Williams in free agency:

“May the best man win,” Prokhorov quipped. “If he wins, I will crush him with the kickboxing throwdown.”

I had no idea the NBA settled their contract disputes with kickboxing, but it’d go a long way toward explaining why the owners are always getting kicked in the face. Cuban can’t respond with an IF I CAN CHANGE, WE ALL CAN CHANGE speech until the fight’s over, so (because the greatest talking point of a WWE speech is always “I’ve done well in WWE”) he evoked his time as a special guest host for World Wrestling Entertainment as evidence of his ability to resist kickboxing damage by … I don’t know, shoving?

From ESPN:

“He obviously didn’t see me be the first in WWE history to put Sheamus on the mat,” Cuban replied Wednesday night via email, referring to his guest host appearance on “Monday Night Raw” in 2009. “He knows not what he gets himself into.”

As funny as that is, Cuban failed to mention that his WWE appearances always end badly. Proof:

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Dude, WTF Kris Humphries?

Written by Ashley Burns / 04.05.12

I’ve never heard of WestEast Magazine, but apparently it is quite the source of artsy fashion style stuff – I’m classy, bros – and it even has a website that might be up and running eventually. And what better way to launch said website than by merging style and fashion with professional sports, because as we all know so well, athletes love them some clothes.

So which superstar athlete did WestEast reach out to for its latest issue? Was it one of our noted style icons like LeBron James, Chris Bosh, Andre Iguodala, Dwyane Wade, or even documentary filmmaker and fashion guru Baron Davis? No, it was Kris Humphries. Did you not get that from the title of this post?

Kris, 27, was apparently interested in doing the shoot because of the James Bond action hero theme and “he thought it would be a fun thing to do. He’s a guy, so the action figure theme was appealing. Plus, he wanted to help out his friend, stylist Derek Warburton, who is WestEast‘s fahion director,” an insider told Hollywoodlife.com.

As for reports that Kris did the shoot as “revenge” on Kim Kardashian with whom he’s in the midst of a divorce? — Those rumors are “ridiculous” says a source. (Via Hollywood Life)

How the hell would a fashion shoot be revenge against a girl who Tweets about not wearing makeup as an excuse to post a picture of her huge breasts? Revenge would be actually proving in court that Kim Kardashian is guilty of fraud and that she knowingly and maliciously entered into a fake marriage to fool companies into paying her upwards of $17 million.

Revenge isn’t dressing up like a douchebag and making pouty faces because you think it makes you look like a British movie spy. Hollywood Life also has some exclusive pictures from Humphries’ shoot that I’ve included after the jump. Enjoy. But be ready for the last one. It’s a doozie.

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Kris Humphries Doesn’t Make Much Sense

Written by Ashley Burns / 03.15.12

"See? Forks are much nicer than pointy sticks."

The NBA trade deadline has passed (kind of) with no blockbusters as sort of expected, depending on which side of the Dwight Howard fence you were sitting. But Howard ended up finally signing his ETO to play for the Orlando Magic through next season (hooray for 365 more days of speculation) which means that most other teams just went business as usual, including Howard’s biggest suitor – the New Jersey Nets.

Leading up to Howard’s decision *groan* it was rumored that the Nets were possibly willing to sweeten their deal for the game’s best center by including MarShon Brooks, two draft picks and even Kris Humphries, if the former Mr. Kardashian would be willing to waive his no-trade clause. And I almost missed his outstanding remark about being traded, but thankfully my favorite Klingon tipster didn’t.

“Would you jump off a bridge?” Humphries asked reporters who inquired about his willingness to waive the no-trade. “It depends how high the water is (or) if there was a drowning baby in the water. I mean, because you (might) jump off in the summer, if it was warm out, (and) you know the water was deep underneath.

“It’s all circumstantial, is the point I’m trying to make,” he said. (Via the New Jersey Star-Ledger)

I’m really glad he pointed out that he was trying to make a point, because I would have had no idea what the f*ck he was talking about. At least it’s nice to know that he’d consider jumping off a bridge to save a drowning baby if it was warm enough outside and the water was deep enough. Because, seriously, I’m sick and tired of babies that drown in shallow water and put my body at risk. That’s just selfish.

In related news, Humphries’ ex, Kim Kardashian, is suing a Mexican plastic surgeon for using an image of her in a bikini on a billboard that is currently posted near the California/Mexico border.

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