New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and his wife, eventual billionaire model Gisele Bundchen, just welcomed their second child (Brady’s third) into the world. Joining the two boys that Brady has already fathered is a daughter named Vivian Lake Brady, which is considerably better than Katniss Vanellope. But I’m not here to make child birth announcements for millionaires. I’m here to ask the hard-hitting questions and make people think. That said…

When is Brady going to meet with Jay Cutler about raising their kids to eventually date and get married so they can eventually breed an army of quarterbacks that feature Brady’s strong talents and Cutler’s lack of concern for anything and anyone?

I look forward to the day of their marriage.

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In a not-so-shocking turn of events, the Miami Dolphins only lost to the New England Patriots by a touchdown yesterday, and I say that it’s not shocking because the Dolphins are usually good for a close game against their bitter rivals this late in the season. But in even less of a shocker, the Pats’ 23-16 victory in front of the rain-soaked masses at Joe Robbie Pro Player Sun Life Dolphins Sun Life Stadium marked New England’s 10th AFC East title in 12 years, which makes me absolutely miserable, but it’s probably pretty fun for Pats fans.

As for Dolphins fans, though, they’re learning to look to other favorite pastimes to have fun as their favorite NFL team slowly climbs out of a two-decade funk. And it seems that the pastime du jour is working the stripper pole, and I fully endorse any female sports fan, or just any female north of 18 years in age for that matter, who wants to hop on the pole. It could be for making a tailgate more enjoyable or charity or just a general exercise, just go ahead and straddle that aluminum pony, ladies, because it will make me feel a lot better when I’m dropping my daughters off at pole-dancing class.

Anywho, some female Dolphins fans busted out the stripper pole before yesterday’s game and it was rather enjoyable.

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So it turns out that Wild Turkey football-picking turkey Jimmy Junior is full of shit. On Wednesday, we shared the video of him picking the NFL’s Thanksgiving day games … he picked Detroit over Houston (Houston won 34-31 in overtime) and Dallas over Washington (Washington controlled the entire game and won 38-31). His only correct pick was New England over New York, and I don’t want to throw shade at a prognosticating animal, but Paul The Psychic Octopus could’ve called that one, and he’s dead.

I think I speak for everyone when I say the highlight of the Patriots/Jets game was Mark Sanchez running into his own lineman’s ass for no reason, fumbling the ball and giving up a touchdown. It was one of the most inexplicably pathetic things I’ve ever seen on a football field, including the time in 10th grade when I went out for a pass, got wide open, got too confident and tripped over my own feet about 20 yards ahead of the ball. At least I didn’t leave my faceprint in somebody’s buttcrack.

There isn’t a lot to be said that wasn’t covered in the KSK live thread for the game, so instead, here are my ten favorite YouTube comments from Ass Fumble-Gate.

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Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, which means it’ll be a light day at With Leather. Burnsy will be enjoying a turkey dinner with all the trimmings, and I’ll be driving an hour south to San Antonio to eat mashed potatoes, green bean casserole and something called “glazed wham”. We’re very different people, but we love you the same.

If you’re like a lot of Americans, Thanksgiving means football. At UPROXX, Kissing Suzy Kolber means football, so here’s my best contribution to the vibe: a clip of Jimmy Junior, Wild Turkey Bourbon spoketurkey, choosing Thursday’s NFL match-ups. He picks the Houston/Detroit, Dallas/Washington and New England/New York games by eating feed out of a particular helmet, and hey, it’s not rocket science, but it’s as statistically valid as anything you’re gonna read at Bleacher Report.

Check out Jimmy’s picks below. “That turkey belongs on my plate” jokes not appreciated. Well, by half of us.

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After a brief hiatus, the Sports On TV column returns with one of the most requested shows ever: Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s 16-season strong cultural landmark, ‘South Park’.

‘South Park’ has been around since 1997, and has changed along with the times. When it started, Parker and Stone were getting $1,200 to make video Christmas cards for Fox executives. In 2012, they are influential, Tony Award-winning, multi-millionaire media moguls. One thing hasn’t changed: in season one, Kenny was getting ripped apart by football players. In season 16, Tom Brady is guzzling a Gatorade bottle of a child’s semen. Sports are one of the weirdest, stupidest, most ritualistic and overly-glorififed things human beings can do, and ‘South Park’ has been in tune with that since the very beginning.

So, in the Interest of easing us back into regular Thursday columns, here are my choices for the 20 greatest South Park sports moments. Like a lot of the shows we do, there are a ton of moments we had to leave out, so a part 2 will probably happen. If we left out your favorite moment, or you have something to say about a moment we chose, be sure to drop down into our comments section and let us know.

As an added bonus, participating in the discussion and sharing the column on Twitter or Facebook (courtesy of one of those handy buttons at the bottom of the post) will net you the BAT DAD BADGE. You don’t want the Bat Dad Badge? I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA.

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In a new commercial that perfectly illustrates the value of wearing fuzzy pink boots made out of Muppet fur in public, UGG’s “Invisible Game” features New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady catching a pretend pass from a precocious child in an airport and engaging in a full-on tackle football in the concourse. Of course, the child prevails, catches a long bomb and pulls a Jerome Simpson in the endzone to (I guess) win the game. It’s cute, and because of it I’m suddenly okay wearing shoes that make me look like the Ultimate Warrior in front of strangers. UGG: the only shoe that describes itself.

Hopefully Funny Or Die has spent the last hour writing up a version of this with Brett Favre, or maybe one where Brady catches a pass from the kid’s mom and invisible fingerbangs her in the airport while everyone tries to get his autograph. That’s the only thing I can think of more unbearable than having kids pretend to throw footballs to you every time you’re trying to catch a plane for the rest of your life.