Congrats, you've all been reinstated.

Remember back in August of 2011, when Yahoo! Sports’ Charles Robinson blew the doors open on a Miami Hurricanes scandal that had most college football fans chanting, “DEATH PENALTY! DEATH PENALTY!” At the heart of the story was a Napoleonic booster named Nevin Shapiro, who wanted so desperately to be accepted into the lore of “The U” that he planned stripper yacht parties and booze-fueled night club ragers that lasted entire weekends.

The problem was that he also planned one hell of a Ponzi scheme, and he eventually went to jail for it. That’s when he conveniently spilled the beans to Robinson about all of the players he had paid and gifts he had given over the years, and Miami had to slam on the brakes and do some serious damage control. Of course, that meant a slap on the wrist for a few guys and some crossed fingers, because after that it was all up to the NCAA’s enforcement team to determine what would happen next.

So naturally they f*cked it all up.

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Man, time sure does fly. It seems like just yesterday I was praising Drew Brees. Actually, it was just yesterday, but I was referring to when I named Brees and the New Orleans Saints winning Super Bowl XLIV the top Sports Moment of 2010. And you know what? That was a boring, predictable pick and it left nothing to the imagination of you, our beloved readers. You deserve more than just the run-of-the-mill year end list, because With Leatherites are smarter than the average sports blog reader, and I know that because I was called an idiot by you guys plenty this year.

You also have a better sense of humor than the average sports blog reader, so when I was entering the qualifications for this year’s Best Sports Moments into my sophisticated super computer (read: old yellow notepad) I wanted to kick the sentimental crap to the curb and really focus on what makes us all tick – namely, poop jokes and hot models. But mostly fun sports moments. As always, I don’t expect everyone to agree, and I’m sure that I left out a few moments here and there (sorry hockey). So feel free to school us on your biggest moments of the year, and let’s all hope that 2012 is a little more sex scandal free…

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"FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOM!"

Last week, it was reported that 13 current Miami Hurricanes football players were declared ineligible after a former booster and current prison inmate, Nevin Shapiro, blew the doors open on a decade of recruiting violations, paid players, hookers, and abortions, among other accusations. The number of suspended players almost immediately dropped to 8 – or it was initially misreported – and the NCAA promised Miami that it would reach a decision within a few days, and it sure did.

Eight players have been given suspensions for this season, and they must repay the benefits. Then they can play. Seriously. Those players include:

QB Jacory Harris – 1 game
WR Travis Benjamin – 1 game
DT Marcus Forston – 1 game
DE Adewale Ojomo – 1 game
LB Sean Spence – 1 game
TE Dyron Dye – 4 games
S Ray-Ray Armstrong – 4 games
DE Olivier Vernon – 6 games

(Via CBS Sports)

In all, the NCAA found that Shapiro indeed gave these players benefits in the forms of cash, food, transportation, and/or night club trips, but the amounts were so low and genuinely insulting to people with any common sense, that nobody is really getting in trouble. Factor in that Miami apparently began covering its ass cooperating right away, and that is supposed to explain why Jim Tressel not reporting the exchange of autographs for tattoos is such a more shameful act.

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Note: The players marked may not have been declared ineligible. Yet.

In case you hadn’t heard, there was a little story about the University of Miami that flew under the radar last week, involving a booster who claimed to have given a bunch of hookers and cash to Hurricanes players over the past decade. In all, Nevin Shapiro claims that he gave improper benefits to 72 former and current Miami football players, and the school’s president, Donna Shalala, admitted that 15 current student-athletes were being investigated. Thirteen down, two to go.

Miami’s internal investigation has determined some players, including quarterback Jacory Harris, are believed to have committed NCAA violations by associating with booster Nevin Shapiro and have been declared ineligible, said a person with knowledge of the process.

The person spoke to The Associated Press on condition of anonymity Thursday because no one is authorized to discuss the ongoing investigations by the university and the NCAA. The person did not divulge how many current players have been linked to Shapiro, a convicted Ponzi scheme architect who is serving a 20-year prison sentence for bilking $930 million from investors. (ESPN)

Wait, which side is the person with knowledge on? I need to know whether to shiv him for being a snitch against Miami or throw a brick through his window for being a NCAA rat. Damn your lousy elaboration skills, ESPN.

But while most people hear “13 people declared ineligible” and they’re like, “Oh snap, Miami is f*cked,” it really doesn’t mean anything, because they can all apply for reinstatement before the season begins on September 5. So basically all these guys are going to play. Hooray, system!

When the mail arrives today, the folks at Yahoo! Sports are probably going to have some nice thank you notes on Ohio State and USC letterheads, because Charles Robinson’s mind-blowing investigation of the University of Miami could possibly go down as the biggest college football scandal in history. Even Southern Methodist alums are probably high-fiving this morning.

Former booster Nevin Shapiro spilled the Cuban black beans on nearly a decade of improprieties that include Hurricanes players and coaches (football and basketball) being paid, lavish house and yacht parties, prostitutes, jewelry, and even bounties for players to cause injuries to opposing athletes like Tim Tebow. Shapiro, in more than 100 hours of taped confessions, even claims to have paid for a stripper’s abortion. Throw in his admittance that his own sports agency, Axcess Sports & Entertainment, was funneling money to college players in exchange for their agreement to sign with them, and you’ve got yourself one hell of a scandal.

But don’t worry, Miami’s officials are taking this all very seriously.

“When Shapiro made his allegations nearly a year ago, he and his attorneys refused to provide any facts to the university,” [Miami associate AD for communications Chris] Freet said. “We notified the NCAA enforcement officials of these allegations. We are fully cooperating with the NCAA and are conducting a joint investigation. We take these matters very seriously.” (Yahoo!)

You bet your darn patootie they take this seriously. They’re likely going to hang a sign around Shapiro’s neck, labeling him a Ponzi scheme-running scoundrel, but that’s not going to alter the public perception of “The U.” What should happen? If the claims are true – and apparently there are 20,000 pages of financial documentation that suggest validity – then it’s the death penalty, even though that doesn’t exist anymore. What will happen? Nobody really knows, but we can guess that it will start with a few years of red-tape-laden legal battles, with the majority of former Miami players, coaches (some of which are now at Alabama and Florida, among other schools), and administrative officials calling Shapiro names, notably a big ol’ poopy pants liar.

Either way, we’ll be entertained. Miami fans won’t, but there are only a few hundred actual Miami Hurricanes fans on this planet, so the convenient fans will just find a new team. Have fun with that, Florida Gators. After the jump, check out the juicier quotes from Robinson’s incredible article.

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