Wade McGilberry is living the dream. The 24-year-old from Alabama just won a $1 million promotional prize that came with being the first player to pitch a perfect game in “MLB 2K10.” And it took him less than a day.

McGilberry [not pictured] took the perfect game to seventh, to the eighth and closed out the ninth. It had taken him less than an hour and a half to do it, he said.

“I called my wife, who was a work, and said, ‘Honey, I’m done. I don’t need to play anymore,” McGilberry said.

McGilberry nervously submitted his tape to the folks at 2K Sports. His wife Katy thought it came so easy that some college student who didn’t have to work surely did it before her husband.

2K Sports kept the contest open for two months and couldn’t believe what they saw when they reviewed the time code on McGilberry’s perfect game. Was it really possible that a gamer threw a perfect game in the first 24 hours the game had come out? –Darren Rovell/CNBC.

Nice going, 2K. This reminds me of that stripper scavenger hunt that Howard Stern had when the “finish line” was at the only strip club he’d ever been to in his life. Oh, and that $1 million prize was uninsured, so that’s coming right out of 2K Sports’ pocket. Great work, promotional department. Why don’t you set aside 500 grand for the next guy to look at porn on the internet. I’m sure that won’t be happening anytime soon.

This is Jason Spezza of the Ottowa Senators, and he was pretty impressed with himself after this shootout goal against Carolina. But dear Mother of Pearl, nobody should ever stick a microphone in this guy’s face ever again. That laugh sounds like something that should be coming out a bad Dan Ackroyd character. Although, putting it like that suggests that there actually was a good Dan Ackroyd character, which there wasn’t. Actually, Doctor Detroit was kinda good. Kinda. See for yourself after the jump. SITE NEWS: Power Rankings and Weekend Picks will be a bit late tonight. Read the rest of this entry »

Here’s a video of a guy that tries to solve a Rubik’s Cube while in freefall, and let me go ahead and ruin the ending for you–he’s a tool. I guess he’s cheated death by jumping out an airplane so many times that I guess he’s just bored with it. Maybe it’s time for a new thrill-seeking hobby. Like jumping out of a plane BY YOURSELF, possibly? Or maybe doing something really dangerous, like model trains. Douchebag.

I’d never fully understood the “base” metaphors for sex until XKCD made this cartoon detailing the intricacies of how it works.  Like, I knew first base was kissing, and I knew home was intercourse, and I felt pretty confident that second base was touching boobs… but there was a whole lot of stuff between second base and home, and only one base left to describe it.  Fortunately, I’ve never made it that far, so I was spared the embarrassment of not knowing.

Of course, it’s XKCD, so you’re not gonna get out of this without dealing with some nerd jokes.  A Star Trek reference AND a root PW joke?  And a joke in binary code!  Oh, what good deeds have I done to deserve such comedic riches?

Every now and again I make fun of the pitifully awkward world of people who play quidditch (see here, here, and here), the made-up game from a children’s book that requires people to pretend to be able to fly on brooms.  Which of course requires them to wear a cape and run around outside holding a broom between their legs.  It appeals to them, I presume, because it requires no hand-eye coordination, and the notion of regular “sports” doesn’t satisfy their need to occupy a fantasy world apart from the harsh reality that scoffs at them and knocks books out of their hands and pushes them down the stairs.

ANYWAY, Dalhousie University, supposedly one of the best colleges in Canadia, is now using its quidditch club as — and I have to switch to all-capitals to make this clear — A REASON TO ATTEND THE COLLEGE.

Oh yes.  Sounds amazing.  Without doing the exact math, I’d guess that there are about a million different ways you could advertise for college.  Exciting, challenging courses.  Ivy on the walls and shit.  Careful use of attractive (but diverse! always racially diverse!) people in the ads.  Nearby outdoor or urban activities.  And so on.  And if you wrote them all out and put them in order from #1 down, I guaranfuckintee you “quidditch club” is number one million.

[Joey deVilla via Food Court Lunch]

Yesterday 289 sent me the link to what is undoubtedly the best way to spend $300 ever: of the Year.

Celebrate your flag football or fantasy football championship in style with the Ultimate Fantasy Football Trophy ($300 and up). Handcrafted from solid wood in designs resembling the Super Bowl trophy, these unique awards can be customized with the commissioner’s signature, roman numerals, Swarovski crystals, and more.

That’s right, $300 is the starting price.  Want side panel wood?  $399.  Commissioner’s signature — how could you go without that?  That makes it $499.  And what fantasy football trophy is complete without Swarovski crystals?  $599 and up, my friend.

If you’ve got that kind of money and you’re thinking about spending it on a fantasy trophy, definitely get a hooker instead, because you sleeping with a woman is a rarer event than winning your fantasy league championship.