Good morning. This is a drawing I made.

Hi! Danger Guerrero from Warming Glow here. It’s Brandon’s birthday, so Burnsy and I are running the show today. GET PUMPED UP STAY PUMPED UP. One important With Leather-related question before I get started: wtf is a CM Punk? Is it a music store? Like a Sam Goody that only sells Blink 182 CDs? I bet that’s it.

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Links

Lana Del Rey Was Impossibly Awful On SNL Last Night – I want to be nice here. I do. So instead of saying something mean like “Lana Del Rey’s performance was like a trainwreck where the train fell off a bridge and into the water and it later caused a shipwreck and everyone on the train and ship drowned and went to hell and a puppy saw it happen and cried,” I’ll just wish her better luck in the future. Keep your head up, kid. [UPROXX]

Tebowie Throws From Station To Station – Tim Tebow? Never heard of him. [With Leather]

Armond White Gets Asked About FilmDrunk – In which Armond White calls Vince “a little mole.” OO OO, DO ME NEXT! [Film Drunk]

Lollipop Chainsaw Has A Predictably Emo Villain, Cheerleader Upskirts – I thought really hard about clicking on this link to find out what in the holy hell “Lollipop Chainsaw” is, but I was pretty sure whatever it was would be a letdown. I mean, how could it not be? LOLLIPOP CHAINSAW. I think this is what they mean by “ignorance is bliss.” [Gamma Squad]

Best Guy Ever Alert – If I could grow facial hair like the guy in the picture at right, I would throw all my shaving supplies in the ocean. [@MichaelDavSmith]

Most Important Breaking News: Telemundo Still Awesome – If you only watch one video today where an attractive Telemundo weatherlady is the victim of a green screen prank so it looks like her head is attached to a dancing fat guy in a Speedo, make it this one, won’t you? [Warming Glow]

Kobe Bryant Unveils The #KobeSystem: Success For The Successful – The following things are true: 1) Kobe is a creep. 2) He almost definitely did badtimesex with that lady in Colorado. 3) This commercial is pretty cool. It’s what I would call “a low-level Michael Jackson situation.” [Smoking Section]

Drinking 3 Beers With No Hands In 37 Seconds – Cool. Now drink them with your hands at a normal pace like a goddamn adult. [Buzzfeed]

Victoria’s Secret’s ‘Angel Island’ Seems Like a Nice Place to Spend the Winter – Concur. [Brobible]

The 10 Least Successful Spin-Offs In TV History – I will never understand what Matt LeBlanc was thinking when he signed up for “Joey.” He was a multi-multi-millionaire by age 40 after “Friends.” I’d have been on Angel Island drinking boat drinks in the sun. Work is for the birds and poor people. [The FW]

Tila Tequila is converting to Judaism – Makes sense. She always struck me as someone who was really into the Old Testament. [FARK]

Five Ways “Star Trek” And Star Wars Are Better Than Each Other – I’m sure this particular link may appeal to many of you, and I wish you nothing but the best with your beakers and quadratic formulas and other assorted geekery. Please do not hack me. [Pajiba]

A Jawdropping Gallery of Fairytale Fantasies – What is this? Nerd day? I’m posting a Slayer song after the jump. [Unreality]

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One of my guiltiest white nerd pleasures is billiards, as I played a lot growing up and learned how to hustle at an early age. Now it works out great for playing drunks for free shots, so I’m sort of glad that I was allowed into pool halls at 11-years old. But I’m also especially fond of trick shots, because, again, I’m a nerd and easily impressed by stuff. Factor in my appreciation for attractive blonde women and today’s pool trick shot video is especially great.

In the video you’re about to watch and share with all of your friends, an unnamed billiards guy (player?) receives assistance from an attractive young lady as he performs trick shots around her on the table. It’s pretty impressive that the balls never touch her, which I assume is not the case at her other gigs. But I like to imagine that when they were done filming he asked her if she’d like to get some drinks and she laughed and went home with someone who doesn’t play billiards.

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This is my FunFunFun Fest print from the weekend, autographed right in the middle by Donald Glover. I got to shake his hand and tell him I’m that boyfriend of the cute hipster girl he doesn’t give a sh*t about, officially making me the coolest and best person at the UPROXX Network. ‘Camp’ rules so hard, buy it.

Links

Childish Gambino/Donald Glover Performed On Fallon Friday Night, Is Streaming New Album Online - The last five minutes of ‘That Power’ are better than anything I’ve heard on an album (of any kind, in any genre) … possibly ever. Completely f**ked me up. Support this man, whether you understand it yet or not. [UPROXX]

Meme Watch: Idiot Nerd Girl Is Less Nerd Than Idiot, But 100% Annoying - Thankfully I’m a little too old to have encountered too many girls like this, but Jesus Christ, they would’ve ruined my life in my teens. God proved he loved me by not bringing around the Internet until I was already like 15. [UPROXX]

Brett Ratner: “Rehearsal Is For F*gs.” - He’s just trolling us now, but to his credit, how many times do you have to rehearse when your script reads, “Lee. Lee! Lee! Leee!” [Film Drunk]

Tarantino & The RZA Connect: Wu-Tang Leader Joins “Django Unchained” Cast - Pretty excited for this. Less excited for the Tarantino Style Backlash that shows up between when his movies are announced and when they actually come out and are awesome. [Smoking Section]

These Dark Knight Rises Set Photos And Videos Are A Riot - If this movie was built out of the photos we’ve seen (and didn’t get a night filter draped over everything in post) it would be the worst movie of all time. 3 foot tall Zoidberg-faced Bane is not lighting my world on fire, guys. [Gamma Squad]

25 Most Surprising Rock Formations From Around The World - The King of Rock should be on this list, as there is none higher. [Buzzfeed]

11 Bloodiest Video Game Deaths - Sadly this is just for Adult Swim games, and isn’t 11 clips from God Of War. Poseidon’s death > yours. [Adult Swim]

10 Best Solo Dance Music Videos - A decent list, outside of Ciara. Ciara is embarrassing. If you “need a towel” after watching Ciara do something, you are also embarrassing. [Popcrush]

Amy Fisher Loses To Octomom In Celebrity Boxing Event After Taking A Few Well Placed Shots To The Head - I still think Octomom would implode and die if you punched her as hard as you could in the stomach. [FARK]

The 70 Greatest Last Film Lines of the Modern Era - The two best endings of the Modern Era – District 9 and the “constantly refreshing my Facebook to see if the friend request has gone through” thing at the end of The Social Network. [Pajiba]

A Gallery of Modernist Superheroes - I get these, but I’m pretty sick of reimagined superheroes. I can’t be the only one. That’s why I like the Batman video game, it lets me punch the Joker in the face without being like JOKER IS A GAY HISPANIC TEEN PROSTITUTE WHO WEARS AN IRONIC SHIRT THAT SAYS JOKER AND HE’S GOT A RETRACTABLE BO-STAFF AND JOKER-A-RANGS NOW or whatever. [Unreality]

The ISU World Figure Skating Championships took place in Moscow over the past weekend, but you already knew that because I assume we were all watching it with breathless anticipation. In all seriousness, I consider figure skating as much of a sport as tap dancing, but it is a competition and something fun caught my eye, so here is your one and only figure skating post at With Leather for this year. What’s that? We had one the other day? Fabulous!

Russian duo Tatiana Volosozhar and Maxim Trankov won the silver medal for their performance, a tribute to Super Mario Brothers. Maxim portrayed a video game nerd bringing Tatiana’s Mario to life, and that may be the most inadvertently perverted sentence I’ve ever written. While I commend them for their creativity, I’m still pretty disappointed in the lack of Princess Peach. Then again, I wouldn’t expect figure skating to promote sexy women for the male audience.

Perhaps Tatiana and Maxim would have won the gold medal if their performance was anything like the majestic production that was Mario on Ice.

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I don’t typically like to write about soccer things that happened 5 years ago, but I’m feeling rather nostalgic today. After all, 2006 was my 7th year in college and the last year that it wasn’t creepy for me to attend sorority formals (looking forward to Diamond Ball 2011!). It was also the year that John Boileau applied for the head coaching gig with Middlesbrough F.C., an English soccer team. Wait, my bad, I got my soccer terms wrong again. I mean he diggle-wagged to be the blokemaster of the football club in the Queen’s womp womp.

One of the WAG-loving fellas over at The Next Web recently uncovered Boileau’s cover letter and resume that he sent to Steve Gibson, the chairman and managing guvna of Middlesbrough F.C. Boileau cited his excellence at video game football, as well as his brief stint as the coach of a team of 11-year olds as his qualifications to take over the ol’ ball club. Gibson even took the time to respond and gave him a pretty nice “Thanks, but no thanks.”

Check out the letters and resume after the jump…

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As teams from approximately 60 colleges and high schools strap broomsticks between their legs and pretend to fly to Manhattan for the 2010 Quidditch World Cup, I find myself almost shocked to tell you that the worst part of this story isn’t that hundreds of Harry Potter fans have turned this “sport” up a notch. Nope, the real mind-numbing news is that these “athletes” are petitioning for NCAA status for a game taken from a children’s book and played by hipsters and nerds. If these broom-riding Ron Weaslys have their way, Quidditch could be coming to your university in a major way soon enough. And here I thought we were trying to stop bullying.

But before we go getting too up-in-arms about this campaign, remember that it takes at least 40 universities to even get the NCAA to pay notice to a potential new sport. Still, imagine the joy on the faces of the men’s tennis team as they’re told that they can’t play anymore because Title IX requires them to forfeit their scholarships for a women’s Quidditch team. This has awesome written all over it.

Make me change my mind about this silly Quidditch nonsense, Wall Street Journal:

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