Bears linebacker and noted extramarital poonhound Brian Urlacher, who once allegedly texted baby mam Tyna Robertson with the accusation that she was raising their son as “a little pussy,” is now being accused by Robertson of raising a little pussy.

Robertson, a former stripper who was wooed into a one-night stand after a romantic date at Chili’s, wants to restrict Urlacher’s visits with three-year-old Kennedy because the All-Pro puts the boy in pink Cinderella diapers and paints his toenail blue.

“(Kennedy) pulls down his pants and says, ‘Mommy, look how pretty they are,’” she said of the diapers. Robertson also recalled Kennedy informing her, “Big boys paint their nails,” and said he refused to take a bath for two days to keep the blue polish on his nails from coming off…

“[Urlacher] says he can do whatever he wants,” Robertson said. “(Urlacher said), ‘It doesn’t make him feminine. It doesn’t make him gay.’”

There are all sorts of jokes to be made here, but keep in mind that this is all coming from a stripper who once tried to accuse Lord of the Dance Michael Flatley of rape.  Urlacher may be dumber than a box of shit, but Tyna is 57 different kinds of crazy.  Who cares if little Kennedy’s gay or confused about gender?  He beat some long odds just to have a functioning frontal lobe.

[KSK]

Pictured above is what’s left of Arizona State’s indoor practice facility after a flash storm with 75-mph winds tore through the Phoenix area last night.  By all reports, pieces of the newly opened, $8.4 million bubble dome were thrown across campus.

Russell Schilt, a 22-year-old ASU student, said he walked about the school’s practice facility to see the bubble roof in shreds from the storm. Schilt said he was surprised at the damage the new building took.

“The bubble dome had complete deflated,” he said.

No one was hurt, [AD] Brand said. The 103,500-square-foot facility was just completed this month…. It [was] a bubble of fabric supported by air pressure, the ASU official said.

Man what an asshole storm.  Who knew that a desert could have such harsh, unforgiving weather?

[Wired Devils/Cactus Ranch]

Here’s the new Old Spice ad where Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher confronts his nerdy youth.  Copyranter has the print ad, and he says:

While I’m neither a fan of Urlacher or the Bears or even NFL football, this (somewhat ironic) anti-weakling message will definitely play well with the mooky tough and faux-tough guys who read ESPN magazine.

Hey, who you calling mooky tough and faux-tough, buster?  I’ll kick your little nerd-bloggin’ ass! **cracks knuckles, puts ten-pound weights on bench press**

Lindsay Lohan was in Chicago for girlfriend Sam Ronson's DJ'ing gig, and whaddaya know, let's make this about sports:

Also spied dancing with an attractive blonde at Crimson Lounge: new Bears quarterback Kyle Orton — dubbed ''super-hot'' by Lohan, Ronson and [Cyndi] Lauper, who all admired the NFL player's dance-floor moves.

Sure, whatever.  In a much more important story, remember when Lindsay looked like this?  Lord, those were halcyon days.  A note to the ladies: four years of booze, coke, dick and Red Bull is not the best way to keep your youthful beauty.

[Sports Crackle Pop]

The NFL provided two DUI arrests over the weekend, forcing me to try to give a different spin on the tired "these guys are idiots" refrain. 

First up: the Bears' Cedric Benson, who tarnished his "the cops were picking on me" story in his ongoing drunken-while-boating case by getting picked up for DUI.  The details are pretty dull: cops say Benson ran a red light and failed sobriety tests, while Benson — who refused Breathalyzer and blood tests — claims he had only two or three drinks over several hours, that the light was yellow, and that he passed the sobriety tests.  Ya know, because people who take the tests are the best ones to judge such a thing.

Also hitting the blotter by driving blotto was NFL great and former Raiders quarterback Kenny Stabler, who as you can see is an old white-haired man who still goes by "Kenny."  It's at least his third DUI arrest — the others came in 1995 and 2001.  So sad.  You'd think he'd eventually get better at driving drunk.  A guy named Stabler should be able to drive more… stable-er?  Eh, that one worked better in my head.