Adidas posted a video to YouTube this morning to debut their new alternate uniforms for the Nebraska Cornhuskers, a bright red number with decorative knee-socks, those stupid gloves that make a pattern when you hold your palms out that everyone loves and nobody will wear in five years, and a gigantic black “N” on the front. They look nice, aside from a few places (like College Football Section) making all the appropriate “LOL, you look like the Kool-Aid Man” jokes.

As a nerd born in the 1980s, my first thought wasn’t the Kool-Aid Man, and I’m relieved to say I’m not the only one who thought this: Nebraska’s new uniforms make them look exactly like Kevin from ‘Captain N: The Game Master’. See?

Read the rest of this entry »

The summer of unnecessary goddamn sports-related Carly Rae Jepsen ‘Call Me Maybe’ covers continues. First it was eight million views for a Harvard Crimson baseball team lip sync video, then it was literally everyone else on the planet, from the Miami Dolphins cheerleaders (good) to local Oklahoma bands who are excited about the NBA Finals (not so good).

You’d think that would’ve died down by now, but nope, between every update about whether or not Dwight Howard has heard of the Indiana Pacers (he hasn’t) there’s a ‘Call Me Maybe’ parody. Today’s effort, relevant to my interests, is from the Big Ten conference mascots. Highlights include Sparty chasing tail, Brutus Buckeye’s arbitrary hip-hop dancing and Herbie Husker hanging out with the four attractive women in Nebraska. At no point does Carly Rae Jepsen stop being the most grating f**king thing of all time.

Don’t let that dissuade you from watching, though. Full video (with a hat tip to Kegs n Eggs) is below.

Read the rest of this entry »

I don’t know how to feel about this. As an adopted OH-bro (I lived in Cleveland for four years), I am emotionally obligated to hate Michigan, but I love watching people get trolled. So when Red Hot Chili Peppers drummer Chad Smith ended a concert in Columbus by making people woo and try to catch his drumsticks, then busted out the University of Michigan fight song before dropping the mic (as it were) and bailing, my emotions were conflicted.

According to our friends at Dr. Saturday, Smith didn’t go to Michigan, but was raised in Bloomfield Hills and Andover High School and graduated from Lahser High School, so he’s a Michigan local. I don’t know. Part of me thinks he’s my new hero. The other part, probably the part that remembers 30 years of Red Hot Chili Peppers songs, wants to jump on stage and beat him to death with his own backwards cap.

Come to think of it, this was probably the best song they played. Flea should interrupt the next concert with the Melbourne Victory club song. Anthony Kiedis can awkwardly rap over it.

The last time country music star John Anderson walked in the swamp, he sat upon a Cypress stump. He listened close and he heard the ghost of Osceola cry. Why was Osceola crying? Because Florida State University had just deemed him inappropriate for “certain opportunities” and replaced him with Rarity from the f**king ‘My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic’ cartoon.

You’d think they would’ve at least gone with Chief Thunderhooves.

“Osceola and Renegade are revered and honored symbols of Florida State athletics, as has been recognized by their recent selection as the best tradition in all of college football,” said FSU Assistant Athletic Director of Marketing and Promotions Jason Dennard. “We treat our symbol with great honor and respect, and they appear only at football games, Homecoming and Fan Day. Cimarron has been revived to give a promotional presence at other designated events. It also allows us to participate in some opportunities that were not appropriate for the distinguished symbol of Osceola and Renegade.”

Florida State commissioned the design and fabrication of Cimarron by Scollon Productions Inc. in the fall of 2011. Scollon has been the costume character designer and manufacturer of choice for many corporations worldwide, including Warner Brothers, Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network and more than 100 sports teams. (via CFB Section)

CFB Section’s report suggests the switch to Cimarron means FSU is “obviously looking to do away with” Chief Osceola, but that’s not the impression I got. What I gathered from the statement is that sometimes you want to send your mascot to the local elementary schools, and a dude wearing warpaint and pointing a spear at kids from atop a charging horse might not be the way to go.

But hey, if you’re the type who gets bent out of shape about “politically correct” types thinking you shouldn’t have a denomination of people as your team mascot (and as a fan of the Cleveland Indians I understand this fully), just point out that Cimarron means “runaway slave” in Spanish. Eventually FSU’s mascot is just going to be a grey rectangle with the word “SCHOOL” written across it.

Because nobody learned from UGA’s ‘The Dawgs Are Comin’ For You’, here’s a bunch of Texas A&M’s least coordinated white people doing choreographed dances to a hip-hop anthem about campus locations and semi-national burrito chains in Lawrence Knox’s ‘Aggie Swag’.

College kids, please write this down: No matter how many LMFAO videos you’ve seen you aren’t as good at rapping as your girlfriend flattered you into believing, so if you go to Virginia Tech and get an awesome idea to rap about Burruss Hall over a Kottonmouth Kings instrumental and call it “Bong Hokies”, don’t do it. The 15,000-ish YouTube hits you’ll get down outweigh the shame of bringing your Hot Chelle Rae “swagger” to the masses.

I’ve got to be honest, I was hoping there’d be a ‘California Love’ part at the end where he asks the various trade schools at the college if they’re in the house. “Agricultural, agricultural always up to no good. MECHANICAL, MECHANICAL WHERE YOU AT.”

[h/t Kegs 'N Eggs]

I like to imagine this video was created when the Don Draper of Taiwanese Animation walked into the studio (apartment where these are put together), wiped his hand across the sky and boldly stated, “Bobby Petrino getting a blowjob on a motorcycle”. And then those two high-fiving ladies from the end of the NMA World Edition videos drew up these beautiful painted storyboards of Petrino making O-face and powersliding off the road, and eventually it became what you see below.

Not to ruin anything for you, but at one point Petrino gets catapulted through a window when a domesticated boar headbutts him in the junk. Stay for the slow motion replay.

Read the rest of this entry »