This is Obama's bracket. We have the same Final Four and champion. I am the new president.
So what’s on TV tonight for the sports fan? Who the hell knows? Who even cares? A lot of people have a long day of pretending like they give a crap about the NCAA Tournament and, more specifically, a bunch of teams featuring players they’ve never heard of, because there’s most likely gambling involved. So let’s be realistic about what’s going to happen tonight with a little GIF storytelling about how the average Joe’s evening will play out.
And then you can tell me how how accurate this is.
Yesterday, we mentioned that Adidas was teasing NCAA men’s basketball fans on Twitter with small glimpses of some special new Adizero uniforms that eight teams would be wearing in the NCAA Tournament this year. Today, as you can see above, we know exactly what those uniforms now look like, as six teams’ new duds have been revealed.
Scrolling through Twitter, people are pretty torn on these strange camouflage and sleeved revelations, and I have to say that I’m firmly entrenched in the “The f*ck? Eh, whatever” camp. Short of setting players on fire, I don’t see what the big deal is with Adidas trying something new, even if the new unis look like someone raided a child’s Zubaz rack at Marshall’s.
I guess if I had to scorn any of these uniforms, I’d choose the Kansas and UCLA gear, because I feel like both of those programs have always had classic looks. At the same time, though, I think the Baylor uniform looks awesome. So it is what it is, I guess. I just think the real shame is not making Duke players wear pink jerseys with flashy sequins and shoes filled with broken glass. Let’s get to work on making that happen, Nike.
There was a point in the second half of last night’s NCAA men’s basketball championship game that I found myself wondering, “Hey self, is this game on track to become what most people on the Twitters will call one of the worst national championship games in recent history?” Thankfully, the Kansas Jayhawks made one of their trademark late runs to chop a 16-point Kentucky Wildcats lead down to 5, making it a slightly above average title game.
And that’s about all there is to it, because terrible ball-handling by the Jayhawks in the last three minutes allowed the Wildcats to win their first title since 1998 and the 8th in program history, according to the really lame “GR8NESS” thing all the fans were doing. But congrats to Kentucky fans, unless they keep setting their cities on fire, in which case you guys are setting a poor example for the students of schools with terrible basketball programs.
As for the star of this game, UK’s Anthony Davis, he probably had the most amazing 6-point effort we’ll ever hear about, because his 16 rebounds and 6 blocks show just how amazing he might possibly one day be, depending on whether he stays at Kentucky or becomes the guy that Michael Jordan passes on as the No. 1 pick in the NBA Draft.
Well, friends, here we are. As the R&B quartet Boys II Men once crooned, “It’s the end of the road, and I something something something” and for the NCAA Tournament, we have indeed reached the end of the road with tonight’s championship game between the No. 1 Kentucky Wildcats and the No. 2 Kansas Jayhawks. Of course, these are the two teams that I picked to be in this title game since the beginning of the season, but I’m not here to brag.
I’ll be back at it for one last chat-stravaganza for tonight’s game, and unlike during Saturday’s action, I will have Internet access. Serious question – do the people who run Las Vegas intentionally want people to have no cell phone coverage? It was incredible how rarely I couldn’t find a signal to even Tweet about the random douchery that I witnessed and may have even possibly participated in.
But mainly, I wanted to convey the insanity of a Vegas sports book during one of the biggest days of the sports year, and it was pretty much what I expected – a bunch of old dudes and degenerates pouting and checking their senses of humor at the door. I dare any of you to go to a sports book in Vegas tonight and make jokes about Anthony Davis’ unibrow. You’ll get a handful of grunts and a few death stares, if they’re in a good mood.
As for the actual game itself – AKA the reason we’re all here – let’s break it down…
I can’t believe the Final Four is already here. It seems like just yesterday I was telling my friends how Missouri was the most complete team and if the Tigers could get past Michigan State, then the championship was as good as theirs. That’s because that was yesterday, and I haven’t stopped bitching about how this stupid NCAA Tournament didn’t start properly and they should have started it over the moment that Norfolk State screwed everything up. Damn it, if I could re-start Contra because I didn’t enter the cheat code in time, then I should be able to demand that 600 student athletes postpone their studies for one more week for the sake of my mild gambling habits.
But that’s the power of the tourney, friends. Very little has made sense thus far, except that the Kentucky Wildcats are as unstoppable as everyone but Ashley Judd and a few hundred moonshine distributors want them to be. That’s not to say that this Final Four lacks excitement, though. Quite the opposite. Sure, I may only have one team left and I’m in dead last, but my viewing enjoyment shall be taken care of. More importantly, we’re all in for some excitement, which is why I’m back once again to display my incredible expert knowledge.
How much of an expert am I? Check my bracket for yourself.
Question Of The Day: Can Anyone Stop Kentucky In The Final Four? - Where have you gone, Christian Laettner, our nation turns its lonely eyes to you. Woo woo woo. [Smoking Section]
Is the UFC’s Fox Deal Hurting Business? - MMA will officially be pro wrestling when its top stars have to fight each other to protect THIS BUSINESS~. [CagePotato]
The 2011 A1W 100: Meet Your Voters and Others Receiving Votes - The list hasn’t been revealed yet, but I sent in a ballot, so you’ll see my esoteric taste eventually. Feel free to fall in love with Veda Scott (pictured, but not on the list) now, before she becomes super famous. [The Wrestling Blog]
Youtube Appreciation: Ratatouille the Snowboarding Opossum - Editor Americus Matt Ufford shows some love for our favorite extreme rodent. Also, I am so awesome at Latin. [SBN]
Watching This Abandoned Blind Dog’s Rescue And Recovery Video Will Absolutely Slay You - The first time I’ve ever cried at an Avril Lavigne song. Be nice to animals. [UPROXX]
The ‘Mad Men’ Cast Gets ‘Archer’-Ized - The only way this mash-up could be more appealing to the UPROXX network is if Kate Upton and Alison Brie had become the same lady. [UPROXX]
Worst Trek Episode Ever: The Bracket Begins - Do the movies count? Because Star Trek V: The Final Frontier is the worst piece of sh*t movie ever. [Gamma Squad]
Donna D’Erico Is On The Hunt For Noah’s Ark - Almost as cool as the time Yasmine Bleeth died searching for the Holy Grail. [Warming Glow]
Worst Anti-Piracy Ad Ever - Worth it for the YOU WOULDN’T DOWNLOAD A BEAR graphic. I will be dead in the cold, cold ground before I pay for even one moment of Battleship. [Film Drunk]
Breaking Dawn — Part 2 Teaser: Bella Gets Laid, Becomes Beautiful Eternal Monster Who Eats Bambi - And speaking of terrible movies, eventually we’re gonna run out of YA novels and sad grown-ups are gonna have to find something else to do. [Pajiba]
You Can Now Buy the ‘Zou Bisou Bisou’ Song From the ‘Mad Men’ Season Five Premiere - I liked it better when I thought it was called ‘Zooby Zooby Zoo’. [The FW]
Question Of The Day: Can Anyone Stop Kentucky In The Final Four? - Where have you gone, Christian Laettner, our nation turns its lonely eyes to you. Woo woo woo. [
