“I’m tired of doing all this stuff for free. And this is where you make your money, the NCAA tournament.”

Those were the words that Ole Miss star guard Marshall Henderson uttered early on in the 2012-23 NCAA Tournament, leading many to believe that the brash, showboating junior SG from Hurst, Texas was calling his college career quits after this year and declaring himself eligible for the NBA Draft. Well, apparently that wasn’t true, and it just further proved that Henderson is full of words. Granted, he’s also full of talent, but NBA-ready talent? That’s up for debate.

Not up for debate is the fact that Henderson is widely loathed by pretty much every fan that doesn’t wear Ole Miss gear, and if he is indeed returning to the SEC Champion Rebels for his senior season, then he’s going to have a colossal bull’s eye on his back. You know, more colossal than the one he knows he already has.

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Last week, as the myth of the 2013 NCAA Tournament Cinderella grew beyond their redneckian beach town of Ft. Myers, the No. 15 seed Florida Gulf Coast Eagles were gifted with their new nickname, Dunk City, and their very own rap anthem. And while I’d thought that I would never, not in a million academic school years, hear anything as wonderful at Chet Haze’s “White and Purple” anthem for Northwestern football, FGCU MC Black Magic showed up and made Chet look like Colin Hanks.

Set to the beat of Tyga’s “Rack City”, Black Magic and his female counterpart, Bambi, delivered a “Dunk City” rap song that racked up around a half million views in less than a week. But apparently it was missing something, because Mr. Magic and Bambi are back today with “Dunk City 2” and this time they brought Eagles star and one-time bench scrub Sherwood Brown with them.

They also brought a bunch of students and some new rhymes, so I thought we could break down the finer points of “Dunk City 2” today.

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He's gonna fill Jay Leno's shoes just fine.

Part of the charm of the mostly unknown Florida Gulf Coast University Eagles becoming the first No. 15 seed to ever advance to the Sweet 16 in the NCAA Tournament is that these kids just don’t give a f*ck. They’ve been largely celebrated – and occasionally lambasted – for their overzealous celebrations, and the truth is that these kids deserve to be excited and dance around like a-holes, because they’re the only people who ever thought they could get to this point.

Now, as the people of Ft. Myers and surrounding communities have rallied around the Eagles, and the rest of the nation encourages them to keep winning through SportsNation polls, the Eagles are sadly finally apologizing for one aspect of their celebration. Well, at least FGCU’s student government is apologizing after a “F*ck the Gators” chant broke out a recent pep rally.

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This has already been one hell of a strange NCAA Tournament, with my bracket’s Elite 8 missing just one team, and yet I have no chance of winning my pool. Oh, and I suppose it’s also strange because you have Florida Gulf Coast University as the first 15-seed to ever make the Sweet 16 after humiliating No. 2 Georgetown on Friday night. But obviously we all care about my bracket more.

Soon we’ll watch a “One Shining Moment” video montage that will feature the stars of FGCU’s Dunk City and La Salle’s whatever it is they do, as well as poor Gonzaga alum John Stockton up there, as he pouted to Gonzaga’s 76-70 loss to Wichita State on Saturday night. Poor, John. Nothing good ever happens to him.

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Check out how excited that Harvard bro is after his Crimson upset the No. 3-seed New Mexico Lobos yesterday in the first round of the NCAA Tournament. Better yet, check out young Megyn Price next to him, being all, “Cool it, dweeb.” You cool it, young Megyn Price. That man is a big ball of pure joy and he has every right to be.

This is the NCAA Tournament, dammit. This is one of the greatest platforms in the world for college fans to truly humiliate themselves through showing nothing but unbridled enthusiasm. I’m happy for you, Harvard bro. I hope the Stansbury of the East keeps winning and we get even more of you. You’re an Alabama fan for the Ivy League.

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My evening unfolded almost exactly as I predicted last night, from the bunny playing piano to the cat tipping his hat, but how I handled that much LSD in one night is still a mystery to me. Regardless, our brackets are filled out and the games are about to begin, so I figured we could run down today’s schedule with the help of the wonderful ladies at Playboy, who, when not being shunned from society by Darren Rovell, are actually quite the NCAA Tournament experts in their own rights.

Okay, maybe I’m using the term “experts” a little loosely, but I’m still pretty impressed that these women could take the time out of their busy schedules of ignoring me to compete against each other in the 2013 Playboy Bracket Challenge. Fans and bros were able to fill out their brackets on the (obviously not-necessarily-SFW website) and compete against some of their favorite Playmates, including Kari Nautique, Nikki Leigh, the wonderful Chloe Miranda, and recent mom Jaime Edmondson, among others.

The biggest missing piece, though, is Ciara Price, but I think the restraining order may just completely block her from my computer. Haha, she’s such a kidder. Anyway, today’s remaining schedule is after the jump, as well as some special Playboy NCAA Tournament cards featuring Nikki Leigh, and serve no purpose other than to make me like Ohio State and Florida for once.

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