Remember when we cared so much about the Ohio State White Elephant Gift Exchange Scandal that tattoo parlor operators were being sent to jail and players were getting suspended by the NFL for things they might’ve done in college? Well, Penn State happened and caused 90% of non-sports America to forget OSU is even a school, so the Buckeyes are free to go about the business of organizing a football team and making news … and today’s news is big, suggesting that former Florida head football coach Urban Meyer is set to take over the program with a a seven-year, $40 million deal.

Of course, I’m using “news” loosely for two major reasons. Reason #1:

“The concerns are still there,” Meyer told The Sun. “No. 1 — my health. No. 2 — my family. No. 3 — the state of college football. I’ve done some research into the second one. I’ve found that it is possible to have balance between your job and your family, that there are coaches out there who are doing it.

“I’m in a good place right now mentally and physically. So if something happens with Ohio State, I’ll have a decision to make. But there has been no interview. There has been no offer to make a decision about.”

That’s normal though, right? People are always denying deals and relationships and showing up the next night arm-in-arm with some 40-million-dollar thing. And technically what he’s saying could still be true. Why would you need to interview a guy like Urban Meyer? You know his history, you know what he can do. And he said “there has been no offer to make a decision about”, not “there has been no offer”, so maybe the choice was obvious. Urban Meyer is coming to Ohio!

Except, no. Reason #2: David Pingalore is the sports director of the Orlando television station that broke the story on Tuesday night, and under “football” and “television” on his Facebook info page he lists “reporting bullsh*t with no verification” as a like. Last year, our own Burnsy had fun with him in response to hilarious community douchebaggery by “leaking” a story to someone Ping knows about how the University of Central Florida was going to be invited to join the Big East. Like clockwork, Ping heard about it reported it on TV as breaking news from his “inside sources”. It went as far as ESPN. The next day it was gloriously shot down.

So that’s Urban Meyer saying “no, I’m not going to Ohio State” and a disreputable source breaking the story. Do we need a day and a half’s worth of speculation on ESPN? Let’s source this when it actually gets sourced, and at least attempt to do our impossibly unprofessional job professionally.

In a related story, here is a slideshow of girls in bikinis.

Via Guyism comes the funniest and saddest thing you’ll see all over the Internet today:

Your blooper of College Football Saturday comes courtesy of 6’10″ 377-lb Terrell Brown, who, apparently is not aware of how big he is. Watch as he sits on this small plastic chair…and watch as the chair crumbles beneath him.

To his credit, that chair looks like it would buckle to a light breeze and was already in the process of breaking when he sat down. The scale of the matter and the juxtaposition of such a hopeless chair with such a gigantic sports ass it what makes it memorable. A special thanks goes out to whichever College Football Saturday producer decided it was a good idea to air and deride poor Terrell in his moment of (extreme) weakness.

We know, dude. Trust us, we know.

Sometimes I think that young people in the Third World look at America and they think, “Why can’t I have that?” And then on days like this, I assume they’re thinking, “What a bunch of pricks.” Last night was probably one of those times, as thousands of students and fans of Penn State University rioted through the streets of University Park, some in support of iconic football coach Joe Paterno, and others in support of the university’s sudden decision to fire JoePa after 45 years.

The Board of Trustees announced at a 10 p.m. press conference that Paterno’s employment would be terminated immediately, as opposed to yesterday’s reports that he would be allowed to resign at the end of the season. The termination comes, of course, after Paterno’s former defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky was revealed to have allegedly sexually abused young boys in Penn State athletic facilities. Paterno was admonished by investigators as having done everything necessary when accusations were first made in 2002; however, that has done nothing to quell the moral outrage.

As I stated yesterday, I will make no humor of or judgment toward this affair, but it’s worth pointing out how ludicrous the behavior was of those causing property damage to small businesses and the university last night. And of course it even reached the Occupy Wall Street people, because they really seem like the sporting bunch to me.

UPDATE: Now with more pictures of students tipping over a news van and with their faces clear as day so that people might identify them and put them in a jail cell of their own. As well as a few others of people generally supporting Paterno.

INCREDIBLY OBNOXIOUS UPDATE: Penn State rioters planked. Unreal.

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Obviously the general news media is in an uproar over the happenings at Penn State University this week, as longtime head coach Joe Paterno will retire at the end of this season thanks to no other choice from the school’s Board of Trustees, because his former defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky allegedly sexually abused children. It gets worse because these were kids that he was purportedly helping through his philanthropic endeavors, and it gets even worse because a witness reported encountering said sexual abuse at Penn State facilities.

The above image is a student gathering at Paterno’s house last night, as a hundred or so Nittany Lions fans showed up to support the embattled 84-year old. Many people have argued that they should have showed up to storm his castle gates, and I can understand the outrage. And that’s where our discussion is going to end today.

Being that this is primarily a sports humor blog, there aren’t really any jokes that I feel comfortable making about the sexual abuse of children. I also don’t feel like opening the doors to endless debates about why JoePa is a complete scumbag POS for knowingly allowing this behavior or why he still deserves to be loved and adored by the people and fans that appreciated the two national championships he won in 45 years because the police said that he did what he was legally obligated to do. Feel free to argue, though, I just don’t have much desire to stand on a soapbox and shake my fist in rage.

In the meantime, I had a once-in-a-lifetime sports collectible opportunity that I was going to recommend to our readers with deeper pockets, but unfortunately Sandusky’s 1986 National Championship ring has been removed from eBay. Presumably to be thrown into the fiery pits of Mordor.

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After news broke that Syracuse and Pitt were leaving the Big East for the greener pastures of the ACC, it seemed like the Big East might need to make some big moves to remain relevant and especially maintain its BCS status. After all, the addition of TCU made it seem like there was nothing to worry about. Then TCU announced that it was not even going to bother with the Big East and join the Big 12 instead and Big East commissioner John Marinatto was seen feverishly Googling “seppuku.”

The departure of Pitt and Syracuse leaves the league with just 6 teams, so the Big East is now finally recognizing an urgency to add 6 schools and become a 12-team conference. Hold on to your zany foam hats, because they are doozies – UCF, ECU, Temple, Navy, Air Force, and maybe Boise State. And that’s assuming that none of the Big East’s other schools leave.

The issue lingering over the league’s future involves Missouri. If Missouri leaves the Big 12 for the Southeastern Conference, that would put Big East football in peril. The Big 12 would probably grab West Virginia or Louisville, or both, to replace Missouri. The Big 12 could also take one or both if Missouri stays. Big East officials say they will not wait for Missouri to decide, but no definitive timetable is in place.

(Via The New York Times)

With all of the other big news and rumors that have been circling the Big 12, SEC, ACC, Big 10 and PAC-However-Many-Schools-They-Have-Now, the Big East has been easy to ignore. But here’s a quick recap – nobody wants to join the Big East except for schools the other schools don’t want. For instance, USF has been trying hard to keep UCF out. Does anyone care about that? No. Hell, UCF is my alma mater and I don’t even care about it.

Ultimately, the Big East is going to lose West Virginia and probably Rutgers. If Louisville can get its act together and start winning again, it will probably leave as well. Best case scenario – and probably only case scenario – the Big East ransacks Conference USA and locates photos of NCAA President Mark Emmert in bed with a transgender donkey. That’s about the only thing that will save it.

UPDATE: My buddy Brandon Helwig at UCFSports.com Tweeted earlier that a rumored scenario is an East Division with UCF, USF, UConn, Rutgers, Temple and Navy, while a West Division would be WVU, Cincinnati, SMU, Louisville, Houston and Air Force.

ESPN college football sideline reporter Jenn Brown took her extra N to the University of Cincinnati’s Nippert Stadium last night as the Bearcats took on N.C. State for some hot Thursday night action. Chances are that you were frozen in terror or confusion while watching “Whitney” on NBC, but if not you probably caught Brown’s tiny faux pas in the third quarter, as she accidentally called Cincinnati’s coach, Butch Jones, “Bitch.”

A mistake? Absolutely. But she quickly corrected herself and moved on like the consummate professional that she is, and she even recognized her mistake on Twitter, which means that the whole situation is resolved. After all, it’s not like she said, “Sh*t” on Monday Night Football and just kept guffawing along about quarterbacks. I guess what I’m trying to say is that Brown is more attractive than Ron Jaworski.

Video and apology after the jump.

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