AJ McCarron and Waka Flocka Flame remind you that Alabama is No. 1.

If you judge a man solely by his Twitter account, then Alabama QB AJ McCarron comes across as a pretty big douchebag. That’s not to say that I think he is a big ol’ bag of oil and vinegar to the billionth degree, but if I were a non-sports fan with no clue who he was and I came across his Twitter profile, I’d probably be like, “Gee, this guy is a total uber-douche, white sunglasses and all.” Of course, the same can be said for plenty of people, myself included.

Now, do I blame McCarron for rocking the whole “SWAGGY BRO” vibe now that he’s a national champion college guy whose girlfriend rocketed to fame after she was made out to be the second coming of Helen of Troy on national TV? Hell no. He’s behaving exactly how I’d expect any 22-year old guy to behave. In fact, I’m a little shocked that he doesn’t have his own replica WWE Championship belt to wear everywhere. It’s a white belt, naturally.

However, I do have to issue one little, “Dude, come on, bro” for McCarron after he hung out with rapping Muppet Waka Flocka Flame over the weekend.

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Behold, the glorious first pitch of Heisman Trophy winner Johnny Manziel.

“Every person kept saying, ‘Don’t bounce it, don’t bounce it,’” Manziel said, according to USA Today. “I was wild, a little nervous.”

Maybe he could look into being Johnny Basketball? I just want the guy to have another sports last name. I want to call him Johnny Two-Sports. And then I want to get Dick Tracy to arrest him.

The USA Today article goes on to helpfully explain how Johnny actually played a little high school baseball, and wore Derek Jeter’s number 2 because of course he did.

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Photo credit: Everywhere On The Internet

If you missed this yesterday, it’s a photo of Texas A&M quarterback and Heisman Trophy winner Johnny “Football” Manziel sporting a suspicious-looking Texas Longhorns tattoo on his ribcage. Your first thought is, “this can’t be, Johnny Football would never get the Longhorns logo tattooed on his body!” Your second thought should probably be, “well, I don’t know, it IS Johnny Football, and it’s not like the rest of his tattoos are high art.” If you told me “Johnny Manziel has a butterfly with a tiger’s face in the wings tattooed on the back of his neck” I’d probably believe you.

Anyway, Johnny wrote an impassioned explanation of the situation in the editorial section of yesterday’s New Yorker, professing his love for the Aggies and promising his fans that he’ll never … wait, sorry, I got my notes mixed up. He did this:

Of course, Twitter has two ends (the asshole and the other asshole), so the conversation didn’t end there. Some fans (“fans”) started being Twitter People to Johnny about the photo, and because John Football is the type to register for online classes to avoid going to college with other college students, he handled it delicately.

Here are a few of his interactions with the world of Trollgaze:

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Because people love to act outraged at everything, TMZ thought it was so shocking and incredible that Texas A&M quarterback and Heisman Trophy winner Johnny Manziel was photographed partying after he led the Aggies to a victory in the Cotton Bowl to cap their remarkable 11-2 season. Then people began raising eyebrows and calling shenanigans when Manziel was spotted courtside at several NBA games, and of course we’ve all been well aware that Johnny Football is dating aspiring model and perfectly-named WWE Diva heel Sarah Savage.

Well, all of that attention has now made it impossible for Manziel to focus on the one thing he actually attends Texas A&M for – making the school millions of dollars for winning games attending class.

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Remember back in September when that weird Arkansas Razorbacks fan put on a pig helmet, strapped some tape to her nose a la Pee-wee Herman in Pee-wee’s Big Adventure and sang a Razorback-themed version of Brotherhood Of Man’s ‘United We Stand?’ Okay, you probably don’t remember ALL of it, but you remember the lady in the pig helmet.

Anyway, in celebration of signing day, said lady (YouTube user LIZHONEY2U) has uploaded a cover of Johnny Nash’s ‘I Can See Clearly Now.’ Her reason:

Great job recruiting, Coach Beilema!!!! Alex Collins, whew!!!

“Whew” is one of the many words I’d use to describe this video. I’d also include the sentence, “if you can afford a novelty Razorbacks helmet and button, why are you recording your YouTube videos with a toaster.”

I hope Arkansas has a terrible season, just to see if she’ll do a cover of ‘Gloomy Sunday.’

[h/t to Dr. Saturday]

Congrats, you've all been reinstated.

Remember back in August of 2011, when Yahoo! Sports’ Charles Robinson blew the doors open on a Miami Hurricanes scandal that had most college football fans chanting, “DEATH PENALTY! DEATH PENALTY!” At the heart of the story was a Napoleonic booster named Nevin Shapiro, who wanted so desperately to be accepted into the lore of “The U” that he planned stripper yacht parties and booze-fueled night club ragers that lasted entire weekends.

The problem was that he also planned one hell of a Ponzi scheme, and he eventually went to jail for it. That’s when he conveniently spilled the beans to Robinson about all of the players he had paid and gifts he had given over the years, and Miami had to slam on the brakes and do some serious damage control. Of course, that meant a slap on the wrist for a few guys and some crossed fingers, because after that it was all up to the NCAA’s enforcement team to determine what would happen next.

So naturally they f*cked it all up.

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