Tommy Bowden is a blessed man. Born with one of the golden names in college football, Bowdenrose quickly through the coaching ranks, landing at Clemson with only two years of head coaching experience. That pedigree was on display last Saturday night when Bowden’s Tigers took on Alabama, only to be molested like a Japanese teen using public transportation. Reeling from defeat, Bowden sought advice from a most unusual place–his vanquisher, Alabama coach Nick Saban.
“As I talked to coach Saban, I said, ‘I’m not one to have enough pride where I’ve got all the answers. I see you got six months to study me, a guy like you, what did you see?” Bowden said Tuesday.
Saban wasn’t the only high-profile coach Bowden called on this week. He said he also spoke with his father, Florida State coach Bobby Bowden; Georgia coach Mark Richt and Virginia Tech coach Frank Beamer about how the Tigers would recover from the beatdown at the Georgia Dome.
“I’m always trying to learn and correct mistakes and solve potential problems,” he said.
And I’m sure that Richt and Saban picked Tommy’s brain as well. Those discussion topics would have included how Bowden gets his teams rated so high every year, only to have them plummet out of contention like clockwork. Don’t sell yourself short, Tommy! It usually takes us until mid-October to remember what a horrible game-day coach you are. You’re like six weeks ahead of schedule! Let’s go celebrate at TD’s. You know it’s meatloaf day today. Mmmmm, meatloaf with failure sauce. Just thinking about it makes me want to underachieve right now.
Oklahoma lost to the Texas Tech Red Raiders yesterday 34-27 thus ending hope the Sooners had of winning the national championship. And with Arizona's upset win over Oregon Thursday night, Kansas, who defeated Iowa State 45-7, stands to move to #2 in the nation behind LSU. If the Jayhawks can defeat Missouri next week and win the the Big 12 Championship game, they will play in the BCS title game. Meanwhile, the only other undefeated team in the Top 25 is Hawai'i. The Warriors have some tough games left (Boise St., Washington), but if only they could remain perfect and get some help (i.e. several plane crashes, LSU loses 6 more games with only 2 left to play), they could play Kansas for the national championship. They would certainly dub it the Barack Obama Bowl, since the Democratic presidential candidate's Kansan mother and Kenyan father met in Hawai'i. The point is that sometimes I wish my mother would have married a Kenyan because then I could not only drink plentiful amounts of the water of life, but also kick ass in the greatest sporting event ever invented: the Steeplechase. Anyway, remember that episode of Magnum P.I. where the supposed NFL team was training in Honolulu but you could totally tell they were just using old University of Hawai'i football uniforms? That was an awesome episode. -KD
The Wisconsin Badgers travel to the well-lit Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome today to take on the mighty Minnesota Golden Gophers to renew the oldest and most-played rivalry in Division I-A football. Of course they will play for Paul Bunyan's Ax because these states have nothing redeeming and are forced to compete for imaginary implements. They used to play for a slab of bacon, but that part of the country is much more health conscious now. If you thought they were just a region of worthless fat fucks, you were wrong. And the girls - top notch. Why don't they have any other Tall Tale college football trophies? Who wouldn't love to see a game for John Henry's hammer, Sally Hemmings' enchanted petticoat, or Joseph Smith's magic golden tablets? In other Big Ten Trophy action today:
Oh yeah, Ohio State is playing Michigan for the trophy they compete for nearly every year - the Big Ten Championship trophy. -KD
The Bayou Bengals of Louisiana State are your new #1 college football team, as the AP have ranked them the supreme squad in the nation. LSU held on to narrowly defeat mighty Louisiana Tech 58-10 yesterday, while former #1 Ohio St. fell to Illinois 28-21. The Fightin' Illini were led to their upset victory by quarterback Juice Williams who threw for 140 yards on 12 for 22 with 4 TDs. Wow, I know some sweat-shop workers who aren't that efficient. Illinois' victory hinged on a crucial 4th and inches with 6:53 left in the game:
"I said, 'Coach, you don't think we can get a half an inch?"' Williams said amid the uproar of the postgame celebration. "He looked at me and got on the headset to (offensive coordinator Mike) Locksley. He (Zook) said, 'If you don't get it, I'll hurt you.'" Zook remembered it differently. "Juice said, 'I'll get you an inch,"' Zook said. "I said, 'You'd better.'"
Ha, motivation through corporal punishment is funny. Anyway, if Omar Epps was at this game, he would be all like, "Man, you know what your problem is? You got no juice." to Ohio St. because they lost the wily Illibuck. But if Tupac (God rest his soul) was a LSU fan he would be all like, "One, if I lose, I'm gonna beat that ass. Two, if I lose, I'm gonna beat that ass. So pop two quarters in, pop tart, and let's get this game on, I'll be gettin' that ass!" to all the other teams in the country. In conclusion, Juice was a good movie, but I wouldn't want to live in Harlem. -KD
P.S. Farewell Orange Bowl, I'll always remember you in all your NSFW glory.
After Michigan's come from behind win against its intra-state rival last week, Wolverine running back Mike Hart had this to say:
Well, the clock in Madison reads zero now Mr. Hart, and your team was just beaten by the Wisconsin Badgers 37-21. The Wolverines still have a chance to win the Big Ten title though if they can beat Ohio State next week. Yes, that's right - a squad that lost to Appalachian St. can win a "major" conference. Anyway, why don't Michigan and Wisconsin play for a trophy? They could for the Upper Peninsula (of Michigan). The loser would have to take ownership of that desolate region of inbreds. Speaking of the UP and teams sinking like ships, please observe a moment of silence for the 29 souls who descended to the depths of Lake Superior 32 years ago today. -KD
I know you're probably already transfixed on the pictocube watching the majesty that is Big Ten football, but the Iowa Hawkeyes and Minnesota Golden Gophers are battling right now to see who will take home Floyd of Rosedale. Who is Floyd? Well, it seems to relieve animosity between to the 2 universities, Iowa governor Clyde Herring awarded Minnesota governor Floyd Olson a full-blooded champion pig (and brother of Blue Boy who starred with Will Rogers' in the classic film State Fair - GASP! The Blue Boy?) after the Gophers defeated the Hawkeyes in 1935. A bronze statue of the heroic swine was cast and given to the winner of the game ever since. What a magnificent tradition! As this marquee match-up between Midwestern powerhouses needed anything more.
And the Big Ten's splendid lore doesn't end there. Ohio State and Illinois play today to capture the wily Illibuck:
lly Illibuck is a wooden turtle trophy presented to the winner of the Ohio State-Illinois football game. Originally the "trophy" was a live turtle when the tradition began in 1925, picked for its long life expectancy as a symbol of the long life of the rivalry. Since the passing of the original turtle in 1927 nine wooden replica Illibucks have been carved, each with the scores from games on its back . . . Another part of the rivalry once included the smoking of the peace pipe between members of two junior honorary societies, Bucket and Dipper of Ohio State and Atius-Sachem of Illinois, which occurred at halftime. This practice has not been done for many years. -Wikipedia
I wonder when they stopped smoking the calumet? I mean on the field. I'm sure several scholars at both of these fine institutions still practice this ritual right before skipping class and devouring 4 lbs. of Taco Bell. -KD
