When the final BCS rankings came out and revealed which two teams would be playing for the BCS Championship, a good majority of us responded with a collective, “Aw come on, not them again!” When LSU and Alabama played on Nov. 5, we witnessed a 9-6 overtime festival of snores. Last night, when they met again in the BCS Championship game… well, at least one of them scored a touchdown this time.

Make no mistake, Alabama put on a heck of a show, dismantling the nation’s top team to the tune of 21-0. I remember hearing one of the commentators say that this was the first time that the No. 1-ranked team had ever been blanked in a championship game, but I was also busy trying to convince the bartender to put on a hockey game so we could watch something more exciting.

I’ll give LSU coach Les Miles some credit, though. It is pretty ballsy to play in a National Championship game without a quarterback while running a sorority flag football offense. I’m sure Nick Saban appreciated it, too.

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While most of us are eagerly awaiting the most important bowl game of the year – the GoDaddy.com Bowl, obviously – some people are still apparently hung up on that BCS Championship Game that is taking place on Monday night in New Orleans. I mean, I guess if you’re into things like the No. 1 and 2 teams in the country playing each other to determine the season’s ultimate champion, then this game is alluring. But still – Arkansas State! Northern Illinois! A match made in heaven.

With all the hoopla surrounding Monday’s title game, it’s easy to lose track of everything that LSU and Alabama players and coaches have been up to, like, for instance, Nick Saban showing off his DERP cannon at practice. LSU coach Les Miles and his players took time away from their practice to visit the cancer ward of the Children’s Hospital of New Orleans yesterday, and I think that’s worthy of a hearty With Leather Solemn Nod of Respect.

And in return, I’d like to ask that both teams play one man short on defense so we’re not stuck with another 9-6 snorefest. Well, unless it gives us this again…

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Usually when a school in the deep south wants to insult a rival, they print out a bunch of stickers of Calvin from Calvin & Hobbes pissing on their logo or something and plaster them on the windows of their trucks, and an entire school of rednecks end up with a child urinating on their car forever and we move on with our lives. Unfortunately for the University of Alabama, some enterprising soul has decided to take the “lol look you got peed on” joshing to a weird, hate crimey place.

The report, from the unfortunately named UnicornBooty.com:

In preparation of their upcoming game against LSU on January 9, the University of Alabama is selling t-shirts promoting a hate crime. The plan is for thousands of Alabama Crimson Tide fans to flood Bourbon Street, home to some of the oldest gay watering holes in the country, dressed in t-shirts that read:

HEY HOMEAUXS – WE JUST BEAT THE HELL OUT OF YOU.

As if using violent assaults against LGBT victims as a pun to sell college football merchandise wasn’t bad enough, the printer’s French is also atrocious. Aux is already plural, and in no need of an S.

Thank goodness LSU’s mascot isn’t the “black” something, I guess.

The comments section of the mythical creature’s ass contains a conversation with someone claiming to be the creator of the shirt, rationalizing that he didn’t realize gay people would be offended by “hey faggot I’m going to murder you” and noting that the shirts are a response to some fans from a few years ago wearing “Alabama Fans Are Homeauxs” shirts to games. He’s very sorry. And while it’s pretty easy to believe a guy from Alabama could be super stupid instead of homophobic, it’s interesting to consider why a Louisiana team would think calling a Tuscaloosa team with a vaginal bleeding euphemism for a mascot “homos” with a Frenglish spelling is beyond me. I’m gonna stick with “he’s an inbred goon and thought this was hilarious”.

"So I'd like to stay another year and nail many, many attractive college girls."

If USC quarterback Matt Barkley enters the 2012 NFL Draft, he is a Top 10 draft pick, without a doubt. Depending on whether or not the Cleveland Browns decide if they’re content with Colt McCoy instead of selecting one of three seemingly sure-fire NFL QBs, he could even be a Top 5 pick. Of course we also need to see how the Top 10 unfolds, with so many terrible teams still jostling for position, but in my cold, dark heart, I know he was going to be a Miami Dolphin.

And then he had to be a big ol’ jerk and stay at school for his senior year.

Matt showed Kiffin an ornament he had made for him that had Barkley and Kiffin embracing after the USC-Colorado game in November, in which Barkley set the school’s single-game touchdown passes record. Below the picture, it read, “2011 Great Memories.”

Kiffin looked at the ornament hastily made out of cardboard and said, “That’s neat. Cool ornament, Matt.”

Barkley then said, “Turn it over, Coach.”

Kiffin had to read the hand-written inscription twice for the words to sink in: “One more year. To the memories next year.”

(Via ESPN LA)

My overwhelming disappointment aside, this is a bold but understandable choice by Barkley. On one hand, he loses the substantial payday he was guaranteed as one of the three franchise QBs – the others being Robert Griffin III and that Stanford kid nobody talks about – taken in the first round, but he doesn’t necessarily seem like a guy who is too worried about waiting another year for that coin.

On the other hand, he can help guide the Trojans out of their humiliating suspension by making a National Title run next year, and if they look anything like they did this season, the Trojans will definitely be in the thick of it. And that stinks, because nobody wants to see Lane Kiffin win.

Heisman Trophy winner and Jay Pharaoh character Robert Griffin III showed up on ‘Late Show With David Letterman’ to read the “Top Ten Thoughts That Went Through Robert Griffin III’s Mind When He Won The Heisman Trophy” and hit almost every necessary comedic note — Tim Tebow loving Jesus, the Indianapolis Colts being terrible, Kim Kardashian being a gold digging succubus who already has way too much of her own gold and so on.

You can check out video of the appearance below. I found it on YouTube so you didn’t have to watch it on the 100 x 40 CBS video player, so watch it quickly.

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I’ve often joked that the Florida Gators and their fans were the nouveau riche of college football, having a long history of being the distant 3rd in Florida’s “Big 3″ until only recently coming into success and fame. And the joke grew funnier to me when Urban Meyer arrived and so many Gators fans acted like Steve Spurrier – the reason that they had any national pride at all – never existed. But I’m not putting all Gators fans under that giant umbrella, especially when a true fan like Jen Wiley exists.

Both huge Gators fans, Jen and her husband were married in 1996 and they had their first child, a bouncing baby boy, back in 2006. Because those years are so important to the University of Florida football program and its fans, they decided to honor their favorite team by naming their child Spurrier Urban Wiley. Call me a dick, but I kind of hope he goes to FSU.

“My husband and I got married in 1996, when Spurrier won the championships,” she said, “and then we conceived in 2006 when Urban Meyer won the championship.”

It was a seemingly perfect fit for these Florida fanatics, until now. So mom’s ready for a change.

“I want to change his middle name,” she said.

(Via Bay News 9)

And what does she want to change his middle name to? Tim. As in Tim Tebow, our holy reptilian quarterback. It’s worth pointing out that this woman is from Florida but the child was born in Ohio. That’s like the ultimate double whammy.

What I really enjoy about the article, though, is that the husband’s name is never mentioned, almost as if he didn’t want this story about his child’s ridiculous name being told in the first place. But the real victim in this is poor Billy Donovan. Won’t some insane, overzealous fan name her child after the Gators’ national champion basketball coach? Maybe one day, Billy. Maybe one day.

(Hat tip to Kegs and Eggs.)