Nothing in the world of NCAA men’s basketball recruiting mattered until today, as the presumed No. 1 recruit, Andrew Wiggins, finally made his decision about which school he’d attend for one year before declaring himself eligible for next year’s NBA Draft. A 6-8 forward, Wiggins was the American Family Insurance ALL-USA Player of the Year and averaged 23 points per game for Huntington Prep, and his slam dunk mixtape had some people calling him “The Canadian Jordan”.

Every bigtime program in the nation was recruiting this 18-year old phenom, including Florida State, which had its best and brightest (above) turning up the fire for his recruitment. And a lot of people predicted that he’d follow in the footsteps of other bigtime one-and-doners like Anthony Davis and Nerlens Noel by attending Kentucky.

But they were all wrong, as Wiggins announced that he will play for the Kansas Jayhawks next season. In the wake of his decision, there is a ton of hate being spewed at Wiggins on Twitter right now, so I thought we’d examine one of my favorite hateful Tweets and shake our heads at some others.

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Indiana point guard Yogi Ferrell is a talented kid, but you can’t know how truly talented he is until you’ve heard him rap about wanting to go to Duke, but how he won’t because his cousin goes there, when he was 13 years old. Yep, Yogi recorded a rap song back in the sixth grade, when he was merely a Boo-Boo, and it is adorable.

A quick explanation, courtesy of YouTube user Channing Mitzell:

So I just found my computer from 6th grade and this video (from seven years ago) was on my hard drive. I have no idea how or why this was on here but I thought I’d share haha. If I remember correctly, back in 6th grade at Park Tudor we had a business fair (in Mr Weymuth’s class) where every student had to sell a product…this was his product haha. In case someone cares, this was posted with yogi’s permission

Here’s the song, if you’re interested in buying Yogi’s product:

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Ladies man and the reigning best college basketball coach in the state of Kentucky and beyond, Rick Pitino, is a man of his word. That word? Tattoo. That word elaborated? Pitino told his Louisville Cardinals during the 2012-13 basketball season that if they won the National Championship, he would get a tattoo to commemorate the occasion. Sure enough, The Ville prevailed and became the 2013 Men’s Basketball Champions, and Louisville senior associate athletic director Kenny Klein Tweeted the above image this morning.

Not to be outdone, a still drunken “Papa” John Schnatter stormed into the tattoo parlor and shouted, “You think yer f*ckin cool or something, Pinocchio? I’ll get a f*ckin tat right on my balls that says, ‘F*ck Kentucky!’ because I’m the biggest f*ckin Looooville fan in the world. I drive a f*cking Camaro, bro, you don’t even know! Yo, tattoo guy, put an eagle on my d*ck!” And then he passed out in a puddle of vomit that looked like garlic butter dipping sauce.

All I could think of while watching this clip was, “man, I wish Taiwan Animation did all of Marvel’s animated movies.” And hell, the special effects here are at least as good as the ones in X-Men Origins: Wolverine.

Anyway, the amazing thing about Next Media Animation’s recap of the NCAA Championship Game is that the weirdest moment doesn’t come during the game, it’s Taiwan’s interpretation of what an American office looks like. A lady dressed like Minnie Mouse causes a Georgetown fan to literally explode with rage because he lost the pool. It’s … weird.

But you knew that already. Here’s the clip:

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And, you know, also Louisville for winning the national championship. But mostly Rick Pitino, and his OH GOD WHAT I DON’T WANNA DIE fireworks avoidance. The poor guy has nightmares of Uncle Sam living under his bed. Also, he’s a vampire. More on that after the jump. (via OTB)

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Links

Your Complete Guide To 90s Stars Who Have Randomly Popped Up On ‘Mad Men’ |UPROXX|

UPROXX Video: Is ‘Mad Men’ For Real? |Warming Glow|

Amanda Bynes “burst into tears when she attempted a cartwheel and her wig fell off” |Film Drunk|

Real Life Phil Dunphy Steals The Show At Chicago White Sox Loss |With Leather|

Russian Bears Getting Crunk On Jet Fuel Are Our Anti-Drug |Gamma Squad|

Yeah Yeah Yeahs To Concert-Goers: Put Those “Motherf*cking” Cameras Away |Smoking Section|

Report: Four Gay NFL Mascots In Discussions To Come Out Together |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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In perhaps the most shocking development of the Rutgers men’s basketball scandal, which featured now-former head coach Mike Rice physically and verbally abusing players, Saturday Night Live produced a sketch about it within a week of it taking place. Normally, we would have expected to see this sort of sketch in two months or so, after every joke had already been made and the world had been outraged by at least 15 other incidents since then. But credit is due to SNL for jumping all over this one.

That said, the sketch in question featured Melissa “Rex Reed’s Hot Desire” McCarthy as a women’s basketball coach named Sheila Kelly who is apparently 10 times worse than Rice. A brief perusal of the Twitterverse and Tumblrsphere leads me to believe that people thought this was a funny sketch, and I’ll admit that I laughed at McCarthy staring down Jay Pharaoh through the window.

Other than that, I didn’t think it was anything remarkable, but that may also be due to the fact that my blood is still boiling over the fact that both Rice and ousted athletic director Tim Pernetti will receive $1 million from the school, per their contracts. Seriously, if I’d known that I could get $1 million for screaming “F*ggot” at a bunch of teenagers, I would have never stopped being a substitute teacher.

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