Charles Pierce Just Threw A Brick At The NCAA’s Head

Written by Danger Guerrero / 04.08.13

The NCAA is a cartel that exploits the unpaid labor of teenagers to make obscene profits for stuffy old people in suits. No one of reasonable intelligence disputes this. It’s been true, it continues to be true, and it will remain true until huge sweeping changes are made or the whole thing goes down in a spectacular fireball like the infamous hydrogen balloon pictured above. Good men and women have screamed about it from mountaintops for a while now (most notably Taylor Branch in his fantastic takedown in The Atlantic two years ago), and it almost, kind of, maybe seems like we’re finally getting to the point where the wood in all this has bent as far as its going to bend, and small cracks, creaks, and snaps are starting to become noticeable. Good.

Anyway, I bring all this up because the always excellent Charles Pierce has a piece up at Grantland today that is pure word-gold if you’re into this stuff. He starts off discussing the absurdity of playing the Final Four in cavernous domes (and really, you should read the whole thing), but the real fun part comes when he gets to NCAA president Mark Emmert’s recent statement that the NCAA’s “miscellaneous expense allowance” somehow doesn’t conflict with their stance that college athletes shouldn’t be paid. You. Read. Now.

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Newcastle Brown Ale’s ‘Really Good Sports Moments’ Is Charming, Weird, Made Of Legos

Written by Brandon Stroud / 03.22.13

Newcastle Brown Ale Really Good Sports MomentsI don’t have a lot of reasons for this to exist, other than March Madness happening and everybody in the world doing a March Madness thing. Here, I’ll let them explain it:

Our officially unofficial video about a month-that-rhymes-with-starch insanity featuring building block men playing games of round hoops. #NoBollocks

That … didn’t help.

Anyway, this is exactly the way to spend a few minutes on a Friday afternoon. Not-especially-well animated Lego guys recreate classic basketball moments, but not really, because the team names and players are all wrong, like they ran the script through a translator and back again, so Christian Laettner becomes “Christina,” UNC becomes the Carolina Dirty Feet, and so on. The best part is either the scathing condemnation of Chris Webber’s life, which is still totally deserved, or the incredibly morose ending, which fits neither a Lego basketball video nor a beer commercial. So … congratulations on making this awesome thing, weirdos.

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Michigan Fans Went Jorting, And I Have A Fantastic New Idea For WrestleMania

Written by Brandon Stroud / 01.10.13

That was the announcement from @UMMaizeRage, the “official twitter of the University of Michigan Maize Rage, college basketball’s most passionate and attractive student section.” I don’t know why they picked jorts — the colloquial name for jean shorts — but they seemed pretty jazzed about it.

This, courtesy of Lost Letterman via Instagram, was the result:

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So, What’d You Get For Christmas?

Written by Brandon Stroud / 12.26.12

This video has been seen by about a billion people since it went up on Sunday and has probably been shared everywhere from WikiHow to your Geocities homepage, but we haven’t updated since Friday and don’t have any cromulent UPROXX network morning links, so here you go.

If you haven’t seen it, it’s one of the nicest videos uploaded over the holiday season, and way more enjoyable than watching a kid get a white iPhone and throw it across the room — an Alabama dad gets surprised with BCS National Title tickets for the Alabama/Notre Dame game in Miami on January 7. It’s a lot like last year when I surprised my dad with Cowboys tickets, except 1) I didn’t upload video of it, and 2) this guy won’t have to sit in the nosebleeds at Cowboy Stadium and watch Tony Romo get hurt five seconds into the game.

So, like the headline says, what’d you get for Christmas? Let’s get some holiday conversation going so we can pretend like it isn’t totally and completely over.

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This IU Christmas Lights Display Is Pretty Cool, Especially If You Have To Watch It Every Night For A Month

Written by Brandon Stroud / 12.07.12

IU Christmas decorations

So far, our sports-related Christmas updates have been pretty weird. We’ve featured pro wrestlers (both foreign and domestic) singing Christmas carols, the NBA inspiring hate for their CGI ‘Carol Of The Bells’ commercial and the Boston Red Sox trying to sell season tickets with rehashed Christmas Vacation jokes. And now, because the quest to be the weirdest Christmas update of the year keeps escalating, here’s a Fort Wayne, Indiana, family paying homage to a game-winning 3-pointer in synched-up Christmas lights.

Via Jeff Eisenberg at The Dagger:

Yes, that’s Christian Watford’s 3-pointer to beat Kentucky at the buzzer last December in Christmas lights form. It starts with the Indiana fight song, it goes quiet for a couple of seconds and then it leads right into the radio play-by-play of the shot that signaled the Hoosiers’ return to national relevancy.

That’s a pretty original way of supporting your favorite basketball team, no? A-plus for the idea, B-plus for the execution.

Here’s the video, which you will enjoy, assuming you are not these peoples’ neighbors. If you are these peoples’ neighbors, here’s a great website where you can buy shovels, which, when ordered, may be used to bludgeon these people into unconsciousness.

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With Leather Watch This: Are You Ready For Some Turnovers?

Written by Brandon Stroud / 11.26.12

Our Man Burnsy’s on the road today, so I’m handling the With Leather Watch This. Who likes shoehorned-in wrestling references? Everybody? THOUGHT SO.

Here’s what’s on TV tonight, highlighted by a “seemed like a great idea when we were making the schedule” showdown between the 3-7 Philadelphia Eagles and the 2-8 Carolina Panthers. Sophomore slumpmaster Cam Newton looks to throw more interceptions than touchdowns against Philadelphia’s Michael Vick, a guy who could seriously benefit from Tim McGraw showing up and duct-taping the football to his hands. It’s going to be GREAT, and the Philly sports fans on your Twitter feed won’t be obnoxious about it AT ALL.

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