Too little, too late, Lonely Island guys. Spring Break has once again come and gone. Or maybe that was the point. Comedy has so many layers these days.
Also, I wouldn’t marry James Franco. He’s just so strange, like he’s trying way too hard to be an artist. I feel like I’d come home from a long day at the office and find him cheating on me and he’d be like, “It’s art, bro husband.” I’m not falling for that again, James.
Well, friends. We’re not going to get a better image from the NBA Playoffs than this one, Tweeted by CBS Sports’ Matt Moore last night. Hell, if I were picking the best overall sports photo from 2013, this beauty would already have a giant blue ribbon slapped on it, as it dined for free at Red Lobster this evening.
It doesn’t need much of a recap, obviously, as the Miami Heat absolutely demolished the Chicago Bulls in Game 2 last night – as I and probably everyone outside of Chicago predicted – and Joakim Noah didn’t bottle his emotions very well. Noah was ejected in the 4th quarter after sharing some choice words with official Scott Foster after the refs missed a goaltending call, and as you can see he was greeted by this woman on his way to the locker room.
But there’s more to this woman and her husband – the Heat Bro and Babe, if you will – than just this image, as the video of Noah’s ejection reveals.
I was going to post that new TV commercial from Morgan & Morgan asking the Jacksonville Jaguars to sign Tim Tebow, but I knew that our beloved NFL expert Christmas Ape would be all over it. If you live outside of Central Florida, John Morgan’s ads are quite famous for the serious-yet-familiar tone, as he is one of the more famous faces in Orlando and beyond.
Instead, I forgot that I hadn’t done anything with this amazing music video that my Twitter friend Dan brought to my attention the other day. It has jumped more than 300,000 views since I first saw it and rightfully so. It’s also apparently based on a delightful true story (read here and here, from the bottom up). I hope that this isn’t the last that we’ve heard from Miss Wolf.
If you’re happy to see the Miami Heat lose game 1 of their East semis series against the Chicago Bulls, perhaps you’ll like to see the Heat portrayed as rusty Terminators while the Bulls mascot puts out the Miami logo fire by pissing on it. Taiwan Animation, everybody. Stick around for LeBron James drawn like Pitbull.
Last night, as my beloved (when it’s convenient) St. Louis Blues were allowing the Los Angeles Kings to score two goals in the third period and even the series at 2-2 in the process, one of my favorite women in all of show business was not only attending that game, but she was also live-Tweeting the experience, as it was her first ever NHL game. That woman is Retta, who plays the wonderful Donna on Parks and Rec, and she was also the comedienne who delivered my favorite coverage for the 2012 Summer Olympics in Tweet form.
At that time, I pleaded with NBC through Twitter and telepathy to assign Retta to full-time Olympic coverage and now I’m asking the embattled home of my favorite TV show (Parks and Rec, obviously) to let her be an analyst for the rest of the NHL’s Stanley Cup Playoffs. I guarantee it would increase ratings by at least one person. That person being me. Hey, it beats the crap out of me making endless jokes about not knowing what channel the games are on.
If you watched the game, you may have heard the dulcet tones of a puppy being born for the entirety of the second half and both overtimes. It was just a lady enjoying a great game of basketball with an unfortunate pitch in her voice, but yeah, it sounded like something that would try to kill you in Lord of the Rings. Every time the Spurs scored a basket I could see Frodo fleeing for his life. For The Win put together a list of “Jesus, somebody shut that lady up” tweets from Notable Internet Types, but they’re in good fun, because man was she annoying.
That “good fun” runs out when you leave For The Win and venture into YouTube, where commenters are not afraid to get INCREDIBLY SPECIFIC about why they hate this lady and the things that should be done to her. For your enjoyment (or whatever), I’ve collected a few of the most horrible comments about the Screaming Spurts Lady. Warning: This is the YouTube comments section, and is not suitable for any audience. Reader discretion is advised.