The Sacramento Kings must be nervous about the emotional maturity of their first round draft pick, DeMarcus Cousins, because there’s no other reason the franchise would hire Cousins’ high school coach, Otis Hughley. Cousins, the fifth overall pick in this year’s draft, is like a 10 year old in a giant 10 year old’s body, so hiring someone to serve as an authority figure is a good idea. Better to be safe than sorry, and in this case, sorry is having the second coming of Eddy Curry.

Cousins was the No. 1 pick by the Kings and Hughley coached him at Mobile (Ala.) LeFlore High.

“Otis has a wealth of experience working with young players and is ready to jump to the NBA,” said coach Paul Westphal. –USA Today

The Kings are hoping that Hughley can be the Bizzaro Don King. Here’s a tip, Sacramento management, when DeMarcus starts dressing like JaMarcus Russell cut him. At which point, you should hire me to run the team, because I know everything about basketball. I’m sorry, I forgot to tell you I was Bill Simmons. Read the rest of this entry »

The greatest player in the history of the Chinese Basketball Association is ready to take his talents to the Miami Heat. Well, he will be ready, as soon as Miami calls him back. The two time NBA All-Star and fashion icon says reports that indicate he’s unwilling to return to the league are false. That’s what happens when the local reporters speak Mandarin.

Stephon Marbury told Marc Berman of TheNew York Post that a Chinese reporter lost something in the translation and called it “total nonsense” that he turned down a chance to play for the Heat.

“…why would I turn down a chance to play for the Miami Heat?” Marbury said. “The report was a fabrication.”

“What I was saying was I wouldn’t be making a major difference with those guys because they have great players,” Marbury told The Post. “I’d just be filling a smaller role. Miami was considering bringing me there. They told me they’d get back to me. I haven’t heard back.” –USA Today

Did they say “don’t call us, we’ll call you,” Steph? If so, I wouldn’t spend too much time waiting around the phone. That’s only going to lead to drowning your tears in a pint of Ben and Jerry’s at 2:30 in the morning, something I wouldn’t know anything about at all. Why didn’t you call me back, Real World casting? Am I not real enough for you? When you prick me, do I not bleed? Oh well, there’s always next year. Highlights from Stephon’s CBA All-Star Game MVP performance after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

Michael Beasley has had a very difficult time adjusting to life in the NBA. Thankfully for him, there are terrible GMs like David Kahn who are confident in their abilities to develop potential. Two second round draft picks turned the Miami Heat’s trash into David Kahn’s treasure earlier this summer, and our favorite GM has an idea of how to get the former NCAA POY back on the right track. He’s getting the munchies just thinking about it.

Timberwolves general manager David Kahn told ESPN 1500 Twin Cities that the 6-10 forward struggled because he “smoked too much marijuana.”

Kahn said Beasley told him “he’s not smoking anymore, and I told him that I would trust him as long as that was the case… he has developed a really good support system around him this past season in Miami. He’s hired people to help him grow up. He is growing up — he’s not grown up. He’s 21 … ”
–USA Today

Good luck with that, Dave. There’s a lot to do in Miami, and Michael still just wanted to get high. You think there’s going to be anything to keep him occupied during a Minnesota winter? In David’s defense, Beasley hasn’t been bad enough to be considered a bust. He’s put up pretty good numbers throughout his career, and Minnesota only had to give up two second round picks to get him. It’s probably a good idea for Kahn to trade draft picks, considering he’ll just waste them anyway.

It’s pretty common knowledge that athletes ‘partake’ from time to time, so it should come as a surprise to no one that pictures of Joakim Noah shopping for a bong have been released.

These photos were taken in March, on Chicago’s North Side (on a block known affectionately as “Head Shop Row”). At the time, Noah was recovering from plantar fasciitis, an ailment that would sideline him for nearly a month.

The Bulls, caught off guard when we alerted them to the photos, gave us an official “no comment.” –Deadspin

Of course Joakim Noah is a stoner. I mean, just look at him. You have to smoke weed if you have hair like that. My problem is deciding if I’d rather hang out with Hot Bong Girl or Stoned Birthday Dog. Too bad it’s a choice I’ll never have to make. Pictures of Joakim are featured over at Deadspin, and after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

With all of the free agent hullabaloo going on in the NBA, it’s easy to forget about some of the more talented players under contract. Chris Paul is one of those who has been over looked, but he seems to have a scheme or two up his sleeve. Paul, like a fundamentalist Christian during Mardi Gras, wants to leave The Big Easy sooner than later. The problem for Chris is that he still has two years left in his contract.

When Paul was quoted a few weeks ago as saying he’d be open to a trade if the Hornets aren’t committed to building a championship team, it was only a small hint as to the size of the chasm that exists between the franchise and its cornerstone player. Paul, in fact, has put into motion an aggressive exit strategy that will accelerate in the coming weeks, and his clear intention is to be traded before the start of the 2010-11 season, a person with direct knowledge of his plans told CBSSports.com Wednesday.

“He wants out,” said the person, who has been briefed on Paul’s strategy but spoke on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to discuss it publicly. “He wants to play with another superstar. He wants to follow LeBron’s model of teaming up with other great players.”

Paul’s list of preferred destinations consists of the Knicks, Magic and Lakers, and members of his inner circle already have sent word to the Hornets of his desire to be traded to one of those teams, sources say. If Paul has his way, he’s played his last game in a Hornets jersey. –CBS Sports via USA Today

“He wants to follow LeBron’s model?” If LeBron’s setting a precedent for how players treat their careers, then I’m worried about the future of the league. Are hour long specials and documentaries just the beginning? If so, they should start doing free agent reality shows in space. Chad Ochocinco could host it on VH-1. They’ll call it Child Please, Baby Gurl: An Interstellar Quandary. Chris Paul shows his acting chops after the jump Read the rest of this entry »

Not like that, you pervert. The former King of Cleveland’s image will be plastered all over his new furniture line, Home Court by LeBron James. There were concerns on whether or not the deal would go through, LeBron’s enormous head is known to give kids nightmares.

Will parents in Cleveland approve of their children sleeping on LeBron James

That question will be answered in the coming months, as American Signature, the company that signed the former Cleveland Cavaliers star in February, has confirmed to CNBC that it will continue with its plans to launch a collection of items inspired by James.

“Our relationship with LeBron has not changed,” Jonathan Schottenstein, chief operating officer of American Signature, said in a statement provided to CNBC. “The youth collection by LeBron James focuses on his commitment and relationship with America’s youth. We are looking forward to this introduction in the Fall.” –Sports Biz with Darren Rovell

Children should be way more afraid of LeBron than the Boogie Man. There’s no way the Boogie Man has LeBron’s vertical jump or wing span.