Back in April, two buddies decided over a few adult beverages that they wanted to have a little fun with the National Basketball Association and declare themselves eligible for the upcoming draft. It’s nothing that hasn’t been done before, but for some reason I get a kick out of it every time that someone does it, ever since a friend of mine did it in the months before we graduated high school.

(RELEVANT UPDATE: I knew I had read a similar story before, and apparently Maxim Magazine ran a story about an “average yutz” who went through the NBA Draft eligibility declaration process back in 1999. That I remembered even a hint of a Maxim article from that long ago means I wasn’t that bowled over by Melissa Joan Hart’s cover and spread.)

Except while some people might say, “Big deal, bros” to Nick Moran and Andrew Hunter for their joke, I tip my flat-billed cap with all the NBA team logos to them for not just making the joke but also taking it from coast-to-coast for the easy layup. Since receiving a letter from NBA Vice President Andy Taub, who informed them that because they graduated college in 2010 they’re actually free agents and are therefore ineligible for the NBA Draft on June 27, the friends have even created their own website called “We Declare”, hoping to catch the eye of… someone.

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There were a lot of heroes at last night’s NBA Draft in New Jersey, from the Boston Bros (BROSTON!) to the Knicks Bros to the ninja-like Heat Bros to this hilarious Brooklyn Nets kid and the awesome finger-wagging Knicks kid. We also got everything we expected, with New York Knicks fans booing everything, including their own draft pick, and David Stern going full WWE heel as the crowd booed him and the Heat mercilessly.

But if I had to pick a favorite thing about the draft, it’s probably the Knicks dude above, wearing an airbrushed tall T with a picture of Skip Bayless on it. He’s either the ultimate Bayless hater or the biggest ESPN fan on the planet. Either way, he proves that people who watch ESPN because they love sports or hate the network’s personalities are legitimately insane. I mean, who the hell makes an airbrushed Skip Bayless shirt?

*goes back to puffy-painting “I Love Samantha Steele” t-shirt*

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Originally, I was going to publish a huge NBA Draft preview yesterday that was going to provide very little actual insight while serving up a few dozen jokes about why our favorite teams suck and the rich will get richer. But instead I came down with a cold, so I’m going to settle in tonight and watch the NBA Draft from the comfort of my own couch, with some hot tea and a few vintage issues of Penthouse.

So what the hell, let’s have ourselves a live discussion while we’re at it. Will Anthony Davis scream with joy when the New Orleans pick him with the first overall pick that was in no way given to them by a corrupt commissioner? Will Davis trademark my toe hair? Will he run straight out and buy a Bentley like a responsible draft pick? How will the Charlotte Bobcats screw up their pick? By what time will Dwight Howard be a Houston Rocket? Will Royce White overcome his fear of flying to become a millionaire?

Join us tonight as we break down the NBA Draft in real time, and share this post on Facebook and Twitter to unlock the TRADEMARKED unibrow badge. And enjoy that badge until Davis tries to sue me. Don’t worry about me, though. I’m represented by Franklin and Bash.

Last week, I was giddy like a school girl when I saw that Jack McBrayer, AKA Kenneth from my favorite show, “30 Rock”, was following me on Twitter, because as someone who watches roughly 4-6 episodes of “30 Rock” each day, that would be pretty cool. Of course it was a fake account, with someone just pretending to be McBrayer, which led a few of us to wonder, “Who the f*ck pretends to be Jack McBrayer?” And the moral of this edition of #CoolStoryBro is that people on Twitter are f*cking weird.

Case in point, yesterday there were two huge “rumors” that blew up on Twitter regarding NBA Draft news. The first came yesterday afternoon via a Tweet:

Upon first glance, you’re probably thinking, “Holy crap, are the Celtics out of their f*cking minds?” And a lot of people thought that, because it was retweeted more than 1,100 times. But if you’re more adept and you actually read stuff before reacting, you’ll notice that A) Chris Broussard’s name is misspelled, and 2) the real Broussard has almost 500,000 followers. You’d think it would be pretty obvious.

But it wasn’t, as the rumor spread so far, so fast that it actually became a news story in Boston. People were ready to rip Danny Ainge’s body to pieces and send them to the corners of Massacusetts as a warning.

To quote the legendary rap group Onyx, B-B-B-BUT WAIT IT GETS WORSE!

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Last week, we shared with you an unbelievable Kate Upton GQ cover and photo-shoot somebody wonderful green-lit even after Terry Richardson showed up with nothing but “wet t-shirt, popsicle” written in his Ideas Notebook. We assumed this would be the finest piece of sports (related) reporting in 2012, but we were mistaken.

That honor will go to Felesia M. Jackson of Cleveland’s The Plain Dealer for her real-time news piece entitled ‘About the NBA draft: PDQuotient’. I can’t add anything to it, so here’s the epic work reproduced in its entirety:

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I’m still planning to wait until tomorrow to unleash my incredible, unparalleled NBA Draft Preview on your asses, but I’m pretty happy that the Houston Rockets have finally stirred the pot and created some excitement for us fans of franchises that blow. Apparently the Rockets are hellbent on wrangling as many first round draft picks as they can, and they took one step closer to fruition of their diabolical plan today when they shipped Chase Budinger to the Minnesota Timberwolves for the No. 18 pick.

This was perhaps the best response I saw regarding that trade.

Now the Rockets have the 14th, 16th, and 18th picks in Thursday night’s draft, and it’s no secret at all that they covet disgruntled drama queen Dwight Howard, who may or may not have once again told the Orlando Magic that he wants to be traded to the Brooklyn Nets. So are those three picks enough to get Howard?

Houston’s first-round assets will create an intriguing proposition for the Magic and their new general manager, Rob Hennigan. Just a week into his job, Hennigan will be faced with his first major player-personnel decision.

The Magic have maintained they don’t want to go through another season like they just did, when the drama surrounding Howard and his future dominated Orlando’s every move. Multiple first-round picks might be the enticing offer Orlando needs to break free from Howard. (Via USA Today)

It should be noted that aside from a few rumblings about “sources close to Howard”, Howard is still recovering from back surgery and hasn’t talked to anybody about his future since the Stan Van Gundy mess, when he had TMZ on speed dial. In fact, as far as anyone knows, Howard hasn’t even had contact with new Magic GM Rob Hennigan yet.

But while the Miami Heat celebrate and Anthony Davis trademarks his eyebrows in time to be called by the New Orleans Hornets, all we’ve got are rumors. So let’s entertain this one a little further…

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