As we discussed back in January, Conan O’Brien’s NBA Mascots That Should Never Dunk is probably my favorite thing that happens on television. As far as I can tell, the list goes (1) NBA Mascots That Should Never Dunk, (2) The Shield matches on Raw, (3) Ygritte telling Jon Snow he knows nothing, (4) appearances from Fat Schmidt.

The segment made its grand return on last night’s episode of ‘Conan,’ and here are your competitors:

- a guy trapped in a folding bed
- a med-evac injured hiker
- an octopus taking selfies
- a guy working behind the counter at a gas station in the bad part of town
- binge-eating Pac-Man

I didn’t think they could top the dunking Olive Garden never-ending pasta bowl, but here we are. Video is after the jump.

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I am a basketball expert. Because of this, I can say with confidence that missing seven consecutive lay-ups is not a good way to win the Western Conference finals.

The announcers play it off as a spectacular defensive span by the Spurs, but it reminded me the world of those times when I’d have to do lay-ups in gym class, and I was just a little fat white kid with negative-a-hundred basketball experience and the coordination of a pug. Just desperate hopping and extended arms and basketballs hitting the bottom of the rim. The Spurs probably could’ve walked backwards with their hands in the air and played the same defense.

Lionel Hollins, if you’re reading this, check your e-mail. I sent you something. The subject is MEMPHIS GRIZZLIES SHOULD TRY HARD TO NOT BE THIS BAD AT BASKETBALL RIGHT NOW. Lots of good information inside.

"Hey guys, let's make a pack to stay best friends forever."

This is a few days (and years, if you’re a stickler for details) old, but the folks over at LeBronJames.com posted some scanned images of LeBron James’ stat sheets from his high school seasons, and without a single ounce of shock in the entire world, they reveal that he was a man among boys. The self-anointed King and four-time NBA MVP averaged 18.1 points per game in his freshman season at St. Vincent-St. Mary, and it only got better from there, as he averaged 30.4 ppg by his senior season.

James also recently took a break from steamrolling the NBA Playoffs to donate $1 million to his old high school to renovate the gym that helped make him a household name when he wasn’t even old enough to vote. Hopefully, some of that money includes a giant throne for when he returns to view games. It should have a glass case around it like the Popemobile for good measure, since some people in Ohio are still emotionally unsure of how to feel about James, lingering somewhere between, “TRAITOR! I HOPE YOU’RE EATEN BY BEARS!” and “Maybe he’ll opt out in Miami and come back to Cleveland!”

Either way, his old stats should make even the most confident high school athletes feel like they were in the cast of Freaks and Geeks.

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Earlier this week, Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban – “The Cube” to us bros – announced on his blog that the Mavs were going to get a makeover. But because Cubes is a new man for a new era, always thinking and scheming, there’s a catch – he’ll only re-do the uniforms if someone presents him with a good enough design.

So he’s putting it on Mavs and NBA fans to present the franchise with creative, edgy ideas by posting them to the team’s site. The Mavs could select one or they might select none. It all depends on how great your designs are. And the greatest design will be rewarded with riches beyond the common man’s wildest expectations…

Who will own your design ? The minute you post it, the Mavs will. If you think its horrible that the Mavs own your design. Do not post. If you think its cool that the Mavs could possibly use your design and you will have eternal bragging rights , then post away. If we really like your design and you , I may even throw in some tickets. If we don’t use your design, it will still be here on this site for now and ever more for you to glance longingly at. If your design is close , if not identical to other designs and we pick one of the other designs, for whatever reason, then thats just the way it goes.

If we don’t choose any of the designs,including yours.then we don’t choose any of the designs. That is life in the big city. Move on.

Oh, sorry. I meant that you don’t win anything at all. Not even a free jersey with your name on it, not even a Dwight Howard or Chris Paul jersey when the Mavs eventually sign them both in free agency. Just bragging rights. But that’s still pretty cool, I guess.

Anyway, just like our friends at The Basketball Jones, who created an amazing denim uniform design, I wanted to offer my own design. Fingers crossed!

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It shouldn’t really surprise anyone that the Indiana Pacers are in the position to advance to the Eastern Conference Finals tonight, as they’re the No. 3 seed in that division and they’re loaded with young, talented guys who can play strong defense. But I’m sure that most people expected the 2-seed New York Knicks to be the team that would ultimately lose to the 1-seed Miami Heat in the ECF. Alas, here we are on the verge of the Pacers pulling off a 4-1 series win over the Knicks tonight, unless Carmelo Anthony and JR Smith can locate their magic and stand up for themselves.

Obviously, a guy like Knicks owner James Dolan up there, seen moping and/or sleeping during Tuesday night’s loss to the Pacers, is going to be upset and embarrassed at this kind of series. But what about the average Knicks fan? Well, one Knicks fan is on his way to a viral video superstar this week, after his video rant about his team going to the NBA Finals hit the YouTubes, and I don’t even know what else to say.

Other than maybe use headphones if you’re at work, because this gentleman’s mouth is of the potty variety.

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We talk a lot about the esoteric weirdos who make those wacky Taiwanese animation videos where Tim Tebow gets literally crucified and hockey fights turn into graphic dismemberments, but sometimes its nice to see actual animation, where the people involved took the time to make it clever or interesting or pretty or not full of random stabbings.

In the spirit of that sentiment, here’s a clip from Blank On Blank that illustrates a 1992 interview with basketball great Wilt Chamberlain. Highlights include:

- Wilt as a giant monster, destroying a town
- Wilt lovingly petting a cat (because this is on The Internet)
- Wilt’s sexual motto (“Viva la difference!”)
- a thorough conversation about dog sizes

It’s good stuff. Check it out, and then watch the rest of their stuff if you’re bored. The Jim Morrison one about the beauty of being fat is a good one. And check out the one where Manny Ramirez beats his wife with an oversized bat that reads STEROID ALLEGATIONS. I think that was them.

[h/t to Deadspin]