It looks like tennis star Maria Sharapova [you know, as opposed to Wichita Federal Credit Union middle manager Maria Sharapova] finally has settled on a man. Cue the obligatory “That’s too bad, really, because I totally had a shot with her.”
Now comes word that [Lakers] struggling backup guard Sasha Vujacic and tennis star Maria Sharapova might be dating after the two were seen cuddling at a recent U2 concert.
And now the LA Times begins a cititation spree that may or may not force to lose control of bowels and leave you huddled in the corner crying for Mama.
In a recent posting, the website SportsByBrooks reported that CNBC reporter Darren Rovell revealed on Twitter the possibility of this power union earlier today. That was followed a few hours later by Matt Cronin of tennisreporters.net tweeting that it was indeed true.
But Tommy said that Heather said that Brandon said that they were just friends! Oh, who to believe; I’m sure he’s pounding that sweet, tender Vujacic all the same. It’s a good time to be a basketball player that nobody outside of LA has ever heard of. It’s also a good time to be a porpoise. I just think they’re nifty animals.
Dallas Mavericks big man Dirk Nowitzki is a rampaging beast! No, really, look at that ugly dude. He looks like a sasquatch after a body wax and Atkins. But the Abominable Dirkman found his groove in the fourth quarter against the Jazz, dropping 29 in the last period to pull off a 96-85 win against the mighty Mormans.
Nowitzki broke the franchise record of 24 points in any quarter set by Mark Aguirre against Denver on March 24, 1984.
“It was an ugly game,” Nowitzki said. “We couldn’t get anything going for three quarters. We were slow. We were looking for a spark offensively and I was able to do that tonight.”
Yes, Dirk, it was an ugly game. That’s your kind of game. Though you may not have the natural looks to lure a woman into a Colorado hotel room, your presence in the paint last night was a penetrating force all its own. You made it look so easy that a caveman could do it.
Other NBA news: Boston is still undefeated and Allen Iverson is pissed about playing time. Also, water is wet and the sky is blue.
With all the noise that vampires and the Twilight movies out, it was only a matter of time before bats started going to NBA games. It’s been all over ESPN today so I guess we had to post it here as well. And leave it to one of the dirtiest players in the NBA to knock that rat with wings out of mid-air. But to be fair, that is an impressive left-handed swat from the Spurs’ Manu Ginobili. But they swat things in Argentina all the time–mosquitoes, girlfriends, the value of their own currency. But mostly girlfriends.
Another sports website has obtained a copy of the book, Blowing The Whistle: The Culture Of Fraud In The NBA, written by former NBA ref Tim Donaghy. The book exposes some of Donaghy’s personal dirty laundry, including how he decided to bet on certain NBA games during his tenure there. But one of the lighter anecdotes in the book involves a bet that referees would make to see who could hold out the longest before calling the first foul of the game.
During one particular summer game, Duke Callahan, Mark Wunderlich, and I made it to the three-minute mark in the first quarter without calling a foul. We were running up and down the court, laughing our asses off as the players got hammered with no whistles. The players were exhausted from the nonstop running when Callahan finally called the first foul because Mikki Moore of the New Jersey Nets literally tackled an opposing player right in front of him. Too bad for Callahan-he lost the bet.
I became so good at this game that if an obvious foul was committed right in front of me, I would call a travel or a three-second violation instead. Those violations are not personal fouls, so I was still in the running to win the bet. The players would look at me with disbelief on their faces as if to say, “What the hell was that?”
Seriously, read the whole thing at Deadspin, and here’s hoping that the book actually sees the light of day. I mean, everyone knows that outcomes are fixed in the WWE and they seem to be doing pretty well. Besides, I’m pining for the day that Kevin Garnett finally smacks Bruce Bowen in the head with a steel chair.
One of the biggest gripes about baseball is that everyone seems so sure that only a few teams have any chance of winning the title in a given year. The logic indicates that teams in smaller markets don’t have the financial firepower to compete for talent with a team like, say, the Yankees, who can spend the equivalent of Liberia’s annual GDP to corral any free agent they please. Never mind that the supposedly lowly Tampa Bay Rays won the AL pennant last season, or that the Florida Marlins won it all six years ago (and that was after liquidating nearly all of the roster from their 1997 title run). But I digress.
The NBA maintains wage controls, in the form of a specific but exception-laden salary cap, to prevent that sort of talent hoarding from happening. Kinda like that “whore fund” that your buddies took to Vegas that one time. And I guess it works, since the New York Knicks have become a perennial laughingstock in the NBA’s biggest market, and free agency seems like the least likely answer to get them on track.
Because of the N.B.A.’s salary-cap rules, the Knicks cannot outspend any other team to land a superstar. In fact, [LeBron] James and [Dwyane] Wade can make millions more by staying put. [Knicks coach Mark] D’Antoni is tremendously popular among N.B.A. stars, but his charm and his wide-open offense will get the Knicks only so far on the recruiting trail. Ditto for the mystique of Madison Square Garden and the lure of Madison Avenue. –NY Times.
So the Knicks can’t “buy” themselves into the playoffs like the Yankees supposedly have done, but honestly, while everyone waits for the Summer of LeBron to play out, how can anyone be excited about that team this season? And forget about the NBA for a minute; the competition for a New Yorker’s entertainment dollar is so damn high, especially in These Trying Economic Times. Those whore funds can only stretch so far, people.
I’m not sure which day will haunt me more: the day I first learned that there was no Santa Claus…or the day that I learned that Orlando Magic guard J.J. Redick was releasing a rap album.
He said as much in a video interview originally posted on the NBA’s main website (which says it was “added” yesterday). His currently-unnamed “rap supergroup” already has a name for their first album, “Waste Management,” which should drop before the…alright, honestly, this is the worst idea I’ve ever heard.
This is like Kevin Garnett trying out for the Pittsburgh Penguins. I mean, a rap album? This is a joke, yes? I’d have a better chance of believing Allan Iverson getting into Augusta National. I refuse to believe this is happening. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to make a quick run to Walmart for canned food and shotguns. –NBA Offseason, via Unsilent.
Video of JJ’s interview is after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »
