Being a fan of a college football team that puts more stock in stupid things like “graduating student athletes” and “focusing on educations”, I rarely pay attention to recruiting classes. Hell, half the time I can’t even count high enough to find my team on ESPN’s annual recruiting rankings. But to a lot of other people, National Signing Day is like Christmas, except instead of presents under a tree, they’re getting 17- and 18-year old boys. It’s as creepy as it is exciting.

However, the one thing I love to look out for is the rare signing of freak athletes, who are either amazingly, incredibly gifted for their age or are well beyond the expectations of size and strength. I believe I have found my favorite athlete of the 2013 college football recruiting extravaganza in new University of Hawaii running back David Fangupo.

While the Kealakehe High School senior’s numbers weren’t very impressive – 75 carries for 534 yards and 6 TD – his physical numbers are what attract the most attention. He’s 6-2 and 350-pounds. A running back! Eat your heart out, adolescent Andy Reid.

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Remember back in September when that weird Arkansas Razorbacks fan put on a pig helmet, strapped some tape to her nose a la Pee-wee Herman in Pee-wee’s Big Adventure and sang a Razorback-themed version of Brotherhood Of Man’s ‘United We Stand?’ Okay, you probably don’t remember ALL of it, but you remember the lady in the pig helmet.

Anyway, in celebration of signing day, said lady (YouTube user LIZHONEY2U) has uploaded a cover of Johnny Nash’s ‘I Can See Clearly Now.’ Her reason:

Great job recruiting, Coach Beilema!!!! Alex Collins, whew!!!

“Whew” is one of the many words I’d use to describe this video. I’d also include the sentence, “if you can afford a novelty Razorbacks helmet and button, why are you recording your YouTube videos with a toaster.”

I hope Arkansas has a terrible season, just to see if she’ll do a cover of ‘Gloomy Sunday.’

[h/t to Dr. Saturday]

Last year, the University of Alabama caused a minor sh*t storm when the football team set up a live cam to announce and introduce the program’s latest recruiting class on National Signing Day. It wasn’t that people had a problem with the fact that Nick Saban and Co. were bragging about their new studs. No, it was because they had the very not unattractive Briana Baisden assisting them, and people thought that was inappropriate.

Fun fact: People are morons.

(Image via 247sports.com)

So this year, Saban and the Alabama football program stuck to their guns by having yet another fax girl shake her ass for the web cam, and boy did she ever give the National Champion Crimson Tide fans what they wanted. As you can see in the banner pic, this year’s fax girl definitely delivered the goods.

Too bad we were trolled so hard.

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Ohio State might have to reverse its field on incoming recruit Chris Carter. No, not the Cris Carter that played for the Buckeyes in the 1980s and later the Minnesota Vikings. Referring to the 6-5, 350-pound offensive lineman from John F. Kennedy High School in the Cleveland area, Carter coerced female students at the school to strip for him while he pretended to measure them for ROTC uniforms, according to a police report filed after his arrest yesterday.

Cleveland police said a 15-year-old girl told officers that Carter took her out of her classroom and into a room behind the JFK auditorium and told her he needed to measure her for the uniform.
“Once inside the room, [Carter] asked the victim to take off her sweat shirt and shirt so he could take her measurements,” the police report said.

“He cut off the lights. . . and stated ‘I need you to take your bra off.’ The arrested male than put his arms under her arms from behind and attempted to pull her bra up.”

–Plain Dealer.

And that was the underwire that broke the pervert’s back, to coin a phrase.

Police said when they talked to Carter he admitted that he had fondled other girls using the same ruse. Police asked him to give them the book that he used to record the measurements and he turned it over.
“The book revealed more victims,” the report said, noting there was measurement information for eight girls in the book.

Another victim told police that Carter stopped her in the hallway and asked her to come into a room where he “asked her to take her clothes off. The victim took off everything except her panties” and then he measured her, police said in the report.

–via Eye On Recruiting.

I don’t even have a joke for that, except that I’m glad I was never in ROTC. Ohio State hasn’t made any announcement on the scholarship offer it had extended to Carter, but knowing Ohio State, they might just offer him two or three scholarships now. Hey, he’s a big boy. He’s good for it.

I REALLY need some new cutouts...

You’d expect a B1g Ten School to be able to handle a little inclement weather. But Wisconsin, whose football team won a share of its league title before losing to TCU in the Rose Bowl, had a liveblog scheduled to cover the program’s progress during National Signing Day. And they canceled it…because of a blizzard?!

MADISON, Wis. — Wednesday’s Signing Day Live Blog, scheduled to start at 7 a.m. CT, has been postponed indefinitely. Please check back to UWBadgers.com periodically throughout the day for updates.

–UWBadgers.com

Rivals has Wisconsin ranked 39th in the national rankings this winter, which means…nothing. Alabama, by the way, decided to skip the trouble with all the words and just stream a camera feed of a fax machine in the athletic department. So the fax machine has finally arrived in Alabama? Good to know.

If you are looking for a National Signing Day live blog, I recommend heading over to SI.com for theirs. I just can’t get into that sort of thing. No really, I’m forbidden from following minors in 26 states. I still live a good life, but I’d give it all up right now for just one more day of coaching boy’s gymnastics.