Links

‘There is No Bigatory in Juggaloism’: Pictures & Quotes from American Juggalo - Juggalos should be a reminder to white people that they should 1) not smoke, 2) lead a healthy lifestyle, 3) not take advantage of poor women with no self-esteem. [Film Drunk]

Colbert Had Hipster Paramedics Standing By ‘In The Event Any Radiohead Heads Totally Lose Their Sh*t’ - There is a dangerous use of the word “hipster” in today’s Morning Links. Do hipsters like Radiohead? More importantly, do hipsters like things? [UPROXX]

5 Best Uses of Radiohead in Film - Sadly “that scene I wrote in my book so that I could use ‘Street Spirit’ in the movie adaptation” is not on the list. Scott Tenorman is still the best use of Radiohead in something, including Radiohead concerts. [Moviefone]

ACW Evolution Of The Revolutinon V - I missed Anarchy Championship Wrestling’s last show when I was in Los Angeles, but Dirty Dirty Sheets recaps it and makes me feel like I was there. Fans are being encouraged to wear HALLOWEEN COSTUMES to their next show, so if you live anywhere near central Texas, holy sh*t, be there. [Dirty Dirty Sheets]

WTF, Japan? - Japanese people reenact the opening scenes of the Pokémon game using bad costumes, bad editing and buckets of water. Charizard Guy is the saddest. [Gamma Squad]

God Smites Earth with Nancy Grace Nip Slip - Dowdy, thick middle-aged conservative nutcases #cangetit [Warming Glow]

Top 10 Pictures Of Justin Bieber Looking Like A Hipster Douche - Again, I don’t think Bieber looks like a hipster douche, I just think he looks like an idiot. He’s also the reason why every child dresses and acts like this now, so he’s not “hipster”, he’s totally and completely the social norm. [Buzzfeed]

‘Drive’ Set to Sh*tty Music - Funnier than it should be. The only thing it needs is a record scratch. [Film Drunk]

Irish Farmer Shocked by Rihanna’s Toplessness - I feel like Rihanna needs to spend more time with actual human beings. Like, take a year or two off, go work at a soup kitchen. And stop trying to finger yourself through your clothes. [FARK]

Is ‘The Playboy Club’ or ‘Pan Am’ More Accurate? - No. [AOL TV]

Ice Cream Shop Mascot Repeatedly Mistaken for KKK Member - I need to get a picture with this guy. I already have pictures with KKK members, it’s called my family photo album. [The Daily What]

How to Make Your Own Chewbacca Suit - 1) Kill as many dogs as possible, 2) lay down a sheet of glue, 3) roll around. [Unreality]

A few weeks ago, the blogging/social networking website Tumblr boasted its 1,000,000th blog post and I figured that just meant that people re-posted the same Nyan Cat picture a few hundred thousand times, but it was a milestone nonetheless. Hipsters everywhere flipped their scarves and sipped their PBRs to the news that their beloved site was going mainstream, and the rest of us just kind of shrugged.

But every once in a blue moon, in the Tumblr sea of copycats and re-blogs, there is a shining light that makes it all worthwhile and today that beacon is F*ck Yeah! Nancy Grace Monster Jams. So what is this new favorite obsession? It’s a site devoted to Nancy Grace’s head crudely photoshopped on slam dunking basketball players.

Sure, I’m easily amused. But I think there’s plenty of joy to be had in her ridiculous faces plastered over Dwight Howard’s shoulders. At least for a few weeks until I find more things to fire out of Miley Cyrus’s babymaker. But in the meantime, fire up the “Jock Jams” for Nancy “Snarls Barkley” Grace.

Read the rest of this entry »

Here’s a picture of me making the world’s teenagers and emo bands jealous. I spent the last six days in southern California doing what one does there (eating sprouts, finding Vince McMahon’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame) so if today’s posts are just big pictures of LeBron James with “uhhhhhhhhhh” under them, I apologize. Before I try to wedge myself back into the creative process, I just wanted to formally say what an amazing dude Burnsy is for holding down the ship while I was gone and making me look like a complete chump.

Oh, and also, a huge thank you goes out to Andrew Johnson and Dr. Diego McCafferty for their outstanding work filling in on The Best And Worst Of WWE Night Of Champions and The Guest And Worst Of Raw 9/19. I couldn’t have left the column in better hands, and am really happy I was swimming in the Pacific Ocean instead of writing 10,000 paragraphs about that sh*t they pulled with Alberto Del Rio. If you haven’t read these yet, give them a look and leave these guys some love.

Otra Links

The Plot of ‘Two and a Half Men’ Recapped by Bored TV Critics - “Person says four or five sarcastic words, makes a face, studio audience laughs. Repeat.” I didn’t even know Two and a Half Men had a plot. At least King of Queens goes places and tries to get away with things. [Warming Glow]

Nintendo Cartridges Get Recycled: 5 Awesome Products Made From Old Games - I was hoping “40 dollar version of Excitebike for new portable system that is still just 30 seconds of game” was on the list. Nintendo cartridges are awesome and make great wedding invitations. [Gamma Squad]

Ryan Gosling Says He’ll Eventually Quit Acting To Focus On Babies - That Brad Pitt “grow a huge beard and carry people/things for Angelina Jolie” model is catching on, isn’t it? [Film Drunk]

7 Shows That Peaked in Season One - Does “The Joe Schmo Show” count? Because it had a second season, and Ingrid’s boobs were the only good part of it. [Unreality]

Darrelle Revis x Jesse Boykins III For Nike Sportswear “Always On” - My dream job is to be the guy who comes up with inspirational buzz-phrases for Nike ads like “Just Do It” or “Always On”. I come up with them all the time. My favorite so far is “Doing Sports”. Second favorite, “Dunking Constantly”. [Smoking Section]

Conan O’Brien Loves Boobs Too - I hear George Lopez hates boobs. [UPROXX]

Nancy Grace’s Cleavage Cannot Be Unseen - You know what? Real talk, I would have so much sex with Nancy Grace. It’d be like those puberty fantasies about hooking up with your mean teacher happening for real. She’d probably drink alcohol out of a Sprite can like my actual 8th grade English teacher, too. [Warming Glow]

Futurama Takes Twelve Years to Tell a Joke? - The best show. [Gamma Squad]

20 Additional Albums From 1991 Cameron Crowe Should Turn Into a Documentary - You have no idea how much money I’d pay for a “Joyride” by Roxette documentary. That song features my favorite lyric ever: “C’mon, join the joyride. Be a joy ride Er.” [Moviefone]

Six Rotten Tomatoes Movie Ratings that Contradict Popular Opinion - The Country Bears has a 30% on Rotten Tomatoes, which I’ve just realized and is total horsesh*t. Somebody get that added to this list. [The Smoking Jacket]

Actors We Love in Sitcoms That Suck - This begins and ends with Reginald VelJohnson. Wait, doesn’t it? [Pajiba]