In one of the stranger WWE Diva storylines in recent memory, Amy Weber was promoted from the WWE’s Diva Search to Smackdown!, on which she played Bradshaw’s “image consultant”, as well as valet/manager for The Cabinet’s Orlando Jordan and Basham Brothers. Weber, though, eventually quit the WWE because she claims she was being harassed by wrestlers and loathed the “frat house” atmosphere, so her departing storyline was that Bradshaw fired her because she accidentally shot him with a sleeping dart instead of the Big Show. Seriously, that was a plot line.

Anyway, the reason that I had to research all of that on a top secret website that only I know about is because Amy’s name is in the gossip news today and when I read it, I thought, “Who the hell is Amy Weber?” But since the news is that she’s releasing naked pictures, I felt compelled to find out who she was. Oh, and if you think she’s releasing these pictures for attention, you’re so wrong. She’s doing it because she’s brave.

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Before this morning, Muse magazine greatest contribution to my life had been Lindsay Lohan’s greasy hipster freckles and cigarette orgy photoshoot. Also before this morning, the best thing a phony Marilyn Monroe spread had contributed was … well, every other Lindsay Lohan photoshoot.

This morning, everything changed.

Behold, Sports Illustrated swimsuit model and With Leather cultural icon Kate f’ing Upton channeling Marilyn Monroe (and a heavy dose of retro eyebrows) in Muse. In the process, she finds a way to wear less than a swimsuit and complete the artsiest spread she’s pulled outside of a pair of Guess jeans.

We’re about a month from Terry Richardson stumbling upon a pic and deciding to shoot her against stark white with eight garden hoses spraying her in the face. Enjoy Art Kate while you can. (And click the pics to make them as big as I could find.)

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When it comes to Playboy Magazine, I look at it a lot like “Saturday Night Live.” Both are iconic institutions that have created sources of inspiration for many people over the last three decades or more, and both were revolutionary at their respective times of inception. On the other hand, they’ve both been running on fumes creatively for roughly the last 10 years or so, as they’ve surrendered to the status quo instead of constantly trying to raise the bar, as any source of creativity and imagination should.

And while both are criticized immensely for their lack of effort and uninspired retreads, Playboy at least has boobies, and that’s why we’re here today. Despite Tim Tebow and the Denver Broncos being on the wrong end of a 45-10 annihilation against the New England Patriots on Saturday, people still love them some Tebow, and that includes a bunch of Playboy Playmates, who spent last week Tweeting pictures of themselves Tebowing. Despite their best, incredibly sexy efforts, Tebow did not succumb to their seductive ways as he continues to save himself for the virginal Katy Perry.

On a sadder note, with the playoffs over for the Broncos, so ends the excitement that we’ve had with Tebowmania. Frankly, I’m a little exhausted from the whole thing, so unless some actual news suddenly breaks out, we’re gonna take a little break from discussing everything Tebow after today. At least for a day until I remember how awesome his name is for web traffic. Until then, bring on the sexy ladies!

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Sports-related or not, we’re big fans of sexy calendars. Whether a team of British girls needs money to support a weird sport or Kelly Brook just wants to remind us that she has giant breasts, my wall has enough space to support a million calendars. And it doesn’t hurt if they have Kate Upton either. Unfortunately, with the good and the busty, there comes the saggy and wrinkly.

A group of mature women in Lake Helen, Florida decided to make a special calendar to support the American Legion Post 127, which was in need of $10,000 in repairs to bring its kitchen up to code. So the women in question decided that they could sell about 800 calendars at roughly $12 a pop to raise that money. And yes, they’re doing it with partial nudity, which would be awesome if they weren’t all 60+ years old. Above all else, it’s worth it for the incredibly terrible photoshops of cats.

But just like I support plus-sized women in pole dancing (not literally, I’m fragile), I give the ladies of Lake Helen a hearty, “F*ck yeah!” for their efforts and I am going to order a calendar to support them. You can, too, by emailing head granny Pat Chadwick at plchadwick106@cfl.rr.com. And please don’t pretend to be a Nigerian banker.

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Vote In The ASYLUM Poll: Is showing naked pictures of your wife creepy?

Andre Agassi was in Taiwan last week for the Rise of Legends charity event, and while I have no idea what they were raising money for, I’m going to assume that it was for something awesome like introducing me to a hot Asian girl. But Agassi caused quite a stir fry at the event when he announced that he would show the highest bidder a nude pic of his wife and fellow tennis legend Steffi Graf. Because people apparently want to see that.

Said Agassi:

“You pay more than $4,000 and I will show you a picture of my wife on my phone, naked.”

I’m not one to mock a guy’s philanthropic efforts, but $4,000? Andre, dude, make this same offer in Japan and you’ll get at least $4 million. Just cover your wife’s naughty parts in some dead squid from Publix and maybe make it look like she’s stabbing a dolphin with a spear. You could cure cancer with that money.

Video after the jump…

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