The last time country music star John Anderson walked in the swamp, he sat upon a Cypress stump. He listened close and he heard the ghost of Osceola cry. Why was Osceola crying? Because Florida State University had just deemed him inappropriate for “certain opportunities” and replaced him with Rarity from the f**king ‘My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic’ cartoon.

You’d think they would’ve at least gone with Chief Thunderhooves.

“Osceola and Renegade are revered and honored symbols of Florida State athletics, as has been recognized by their recent selection as the best tradition in all of college football,” said FSU Assistant Athletic Director of Marketing and Promotions Jason Dennard. “We treat our symbol with great honor and respect, and they appear only at football games, Homecoming and Fan Day. Cimarron has been revived to give a promotional presence at other designated events. It also allows us to participate in some opportunities that were not appropriate for the distinguished symbol of Osceola and Renegade.”

Florida State commissioned the design and fabrication of Cimarron by Scollon Productions Inc. in the fall of 2011. Scollon has been the costume character designer and manufacturer of choice for many corporations worldwide, including Warner Brothers, Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network and more than 100 sports teams. (via CFB Section)

CFB Section’s report suggests the switch to Cimarron means FSU is “obviously looking to do away with” Chief Osceola, but that’s not the impression I got. What I gathered from the statement is that sometimes you want to send your mascot to the local elementary schools, and a dude wearing warpaint and pointing a spear at kids from atop a charging horse might not be the way to go.

But hey, if you’re the type who gets bent out of shape about “politically correct” types thinking you shouldn’t have a denomination of people as your team mascot (and as a fan of the Cleveland Indians I understand this fully), just point out that Cimarron means “runaway slave” in Spanish. Eventually FSU’s mascot is just going to be a grey rectangle with the word “SCHOOL” written across it.

Somebody make “Sh*t Tim Tebow Says”!

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Links

UPROXX Discussion: The Best And Worst Rap Beefs Of All-Time - The best part is the link back to Danger Guerrero’s Tina Fey article where he gets all indignant about local convenience stores. Philadelphia is awesome, but not because of the places you get gas, dude. [UPROXX]

The Fifteen Greatest ’30 Rock’ Pop Culture References - Speaking of Tina Fey, I had a weird experience yesterday … I’ve been hearing everywhere how good season 5 of 30 Rock was, so I sat down to watch some of it on Netflix. That’s when I realized I’d already SEEN ALL of it and forgotten it in total. Welp! [Warming Glow]

On John Wall, The Wizards & The Case of Young Talent on Bad Teams - I may never be able to think of John Wall as a basketball player again, he’s just that guy who can’t throw a baseball. [Smoking Section]

WALL-ETHEUS Is Eager To Find Some Life Forms - The worst part about doing something creative in 2012: the Internet immediately eats it and sh*ts it out. [Gamma Squad]

The Dog from The Artist Has all the Right Moves - Now we just need to teach a wolf how to ride on the roof of a moving car. [Film Drunk]

Bronies Before Hoenies: Photos And Videos From The 2012 Winter BroNYCon - I understand what it feels like to love something uncool, but I don’t need a situation where I dress up as my favorite wrestler and go to a building where everyone else is dressed up like wrestlers, and I don’t need to blow anybody wearing a Gobbeldy Gooker costume. [UPROXX]

30 Of The Most Depressing Toddlers & Tiaras Animated Gifs On The Internet - These little girls are all going to be Courtney Stodden someday, obsessed with themselves and tweeting in alliteration. [Buzzfeed]

Flava Flav and Dee Snider Have a Crazy-Off on ‘Celebrity Wife Swap’ - Remembering people from my childhood would be awesome if they hadn’t gotten all Gollum’d out by fame. [The FW]

The 11 Crappiest Movies Of Michael Douglas’ Career - Disclosure will always be the worst to me. Demi Moore had a thing going where she’d do message movies and make them look like Cinemax. G.I. Jane, I’m looking in your direction. [Brobible]

The Muppets Invade Movies: A Gallery - In a better world, The Muppets would’ve been a colossal hit and Jim Henson would’ve risen from his grave with googly eyes to accept an Oscar. Oh well. [Unreality]

The Smell of Napalm in the Morning: The Supercut - Somebody needs to convert Apocalypse Now into 3D in post, and into smell-o-vision. [High Definite]

“I’m not ashamed to say I’m a Christian, but unicorns are kick ass.”

Links

Rick Perry’s Unpopular Opinions - He might not be ashamed to say he’s a Christian, but I am. “My Pokémon team is all zubats” made me laugh out loud, though. [Buzzfeed]

NBA Laboratory: Givin’ Kobe Bryant The Business - I’m seriously considering buying a Robert Awful LA Lakers jersey after watching this video. Talk about team loyalty! [SB Nation]

Alec Baldwin: America’s #1 Terrorist - The new best part of being famous is that if you’re thrown off a plane for being too fat or playing Words With Friends when the flight attendant has told you to shut off your electronic stuff, you can go on Twitter and bitch and everyone takes your side. SHUT DOWN YOUR STUPID PHONE ALEC BALDWIN [Warming Glow]

Video Of The Day: Mike Tyson Quote Song - We’re never gonna stop thinking this invalid rapist is hilarious, are we? Oh well, at least his video game was the best. [Cage Potato]

Your Up-To-The-Second Playoff Picture Updated ‘Round The clock With Newer, Cheaper Jokes - The title says it all. “Who are the Texans” jokes almost make me mad now, but I’ve been a Texans fan for like forty minutes, so what the hell can I even say? [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Funny, Sexy And Awesome Cosplay Of The Week - Holy crap, anthropomorphic Rainbow Dash from My Little Pony #cangetit SO HARD. [Gamma Squad]

Limp Bizkit Got Dropped From Their Record Label - This time they’re gonna let it all come out. This time they’re gonna stand up and shout. They’ll do things their way. Their way. Their way of the highway. [Film Drunk]

Cast Of Community Begs You All To Save Greendale - Don’t let this beautiful cadre of people leave my life, even if Donald Glover is now officially a rapper and Alison Brie is going to show up on a much better show sometime early next year. [UPROXX]

Today’s Cutest Kid Is This Rapping Two-Year Old - He’s not as good as Childish Gambino, but he’s better than Fred Durst. [Smoking Section]

JoshiMania Night One: Death Queen Battle - Pictures and happenings from a show I would’ve killed to attend, and almost did like 14 different times. If they’d brought over Miyako Matsumoto, I don’t know, I probably would’ve sold my car to finance a trip. [DirtyDirtySheets]