Chael Sonnen has a big fight coming up on the 27th at UFC 159 against UFC Light Heavyweight Champion Jon ‘Bones’ Jones. About now is when you’d expect The American Gangster to go Full Chael Sonnen and start cutting promos about how he could beat Bones with both arms and a leg tied behind his back. About how if the fight goes longer than a round he’ll take off his fightshorts and eat them in front of New Jersey. After all, when Jones refused to fight him on short notice at UFC 151, Sonnen called Bones every name he could think of, from “bratty, entitled kid” to “chicken shhhh.”

Sorry. You aren’t getting that this time. This time, they’re BFF.

To get you hyped for UFC 159, here’s a paragraph of transcript from the pre-fight conference call featuring Chael kissing Jon’s ass so hard he might force a ref stoppage. Either that, or Sonnen’s trying to work in Chuck Norris jokes facetiously.

“As great as Jon is, I don’t think he understands how good he is. For him to pay tribute to Mike Tyson and Muhammad Ali earlier was a very nice thing for him to do. The reality is, Jon Jones could beat up Mike Tyson and Muhammad Ali in the same day. And when he says he wants to be the best ever – Jon, news flash, buddy – you are the best. As far as tying Tito Ortiz, yeah maybe he had a couple more wins, but he hasn’t had the competition that you’ve faced. He’s the world champion, he’s the best in the weight class and he’s the best the weight class has ever seen.”

That’s all well and good, but someone made the mistake of asking Chael to compare Bones and Anderson Silva.

Remember back at UFC 117, when Chael Sonnen faced Anderson Silva, submitted to a triangle armbar and lost the fight? Remember the rematch at UFC 148, when Chael went for a spinning backfist and fell on his ass, allowing Silva to just kinda stiff arm him against the cage and punch him in the head until the ref stopped the fight? Chael Sonnen doesn’t!

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According to the great, in-depth research that I do before writing any post, the Rue Saint-Denis is a really old street in Paris, France and it’s full of hookers. With that said, I will now accept my professorship of European history at Harvard, thankyouverymuch. But while they put together that offer, I’ve been running my typical routine of ignoring the work that I’m supposed to do in favor of scouring the Internet for fun pictures, and last night I was delighted to find this picture of some street art in Rue Saint-Denis. Yes, that is Muhammad Ali standing over Street Fighter’s Ryu and it is spectacular.

Obviously, I have a problem with the fact that Ryu still has half of his energy, so he’s probably going to get up and keep fighting. I’m also curious to know how Ali can withstand Ryu’s Hadouken attacks. Unfortunately, I won’t know the answer to that query unless I can actually speak to the artist, known as Combo (The Culture Kidnapper), who also has a few other awesome sports-related works.

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Yesterday, for some unknown reason, Vince punished me by sending me a link to the Tumblr Storyboard interview with Kreayshawn, who is very hip and with it, according to the kids. Fortunately, after I was done scrubbing that out of my brain, I noticed another interview, this one with Muhammad Ali. Actually, the main interview is with a man named Michael Aisner, who was just 17-years old when Ali was on the verge of not only becoming the baddest man of all-time, but also one of the most politically iconic athletes of any generation.

Aisner and his friends ran a high school radio station – the same kind that our friend Richie “The Big Bopper” Belding ran in his day – and they also had some big balls with which they reached out to some celebrities to set up interviews. Amazingly, an acquaintance of Ali not only took a call from these relentless kids, but he eventually granted the interview.

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You’d think a site that deals with celebrity hearsay as much as TMZ.com would see the sentence fragment “celebrating his 70th birthday at his good friend Zsa Zsa Gabor’s house” as a red flag, but here we are; “Let’s Do the Freddie” singer Chubby Checker was, well, celebrating his 70th birthday at Zsa Zsa Gabor’s house, and was caught on tape explaining how he’s the reason why Muhammad Ali is famous. This should come as no surprise to boxing historians, because after all, who could forget Chubby’s TKO of Jerry Quarry, or the time Ali told George Foreman to “twist again, like we did last summer”?

More, from the Worldwide Leader In Why Is This News:

According to Chubby, he instructed Clay to get as loud and cocky as possible whenever he could — both inside and outside the ring — and before long, Clay became known for his trademark hubris.

Talk about a butterfly effect. Chubby says Ali still hasn’t thanked him.

He went on to add:

So I tied an onion to my belt. Which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ‘em. Gimme five bees for a quarter, you’d say. Now where was I…

Talk about a butterfly effect. I love the idea that Cassius Clay was this little studious, quiet guy with no self confidence until he ran into Chubby Checker, and Chubby’s gyrating hips and “Jingle Bell Rock” covers gave him the edge he needed to ascend to greatness. Chubby, I like your “The Twist (Yo, Twist!)” collaboration with The Fat Boys as much as the next guy, but I’m guessing Ali probably could’ve made it through without you. Stick to claiming people you actually made famous, like Chubby Checker, or Richie “The Big Bopper” Belding.

Oh.  Hello.  I’m sorry, were you not expecting to see Joe Namath in a towel with Farrah Fawcett today?  What about Sylvester Stallone punching Muhammad Ali at Planet Hollywood? What about heavyweight champion Lenox Lewis with alcoholic-era Kerry Collins with porn star Heather Hunter with a Baldwin brother in a ‘do rag?  Did I just blow your mind?

Yesterday, Life Magazine made life awesome for the Internet-having public by opening up its photo archives on Google.  Ball Don’t Lie already scored Billy Baldwin with the Knicks City Dancers, and in fact a mere search of “Baldwin” opens up a trove of gold.  You should also see what Big League Stew turned up on Joe DiMaggio.

Below are some of my favorites.  Andre Agassi with hair.  College-age Wilt Chamberlain with white girls at Kansas.  Agassi with Joe Montana and Wayne Gretzky at an event for the All Star Cafe.  Jesus, do you remember the All Star Cafe?  What a tremendous failure.  I love it.

Newspapers often create obituaries for public figures long before they actually become worm food. Once completed, the papers then generally refrain from making reference to that person's death until, you know, they shuffle loose this mortal coil.

Not those trailblazers at The Courier-Journal in Louisville, who this morning in a Metro story implied that Muhammad Ali has passed away. Hey, no big whoop, mistakes happen, he's only the most famous person to hail from that town, uh, ever. Why should they be keeping tabs on him?

To their credit, the paper has corrected the error, but only after getting an angry visit from the Grim Reaper. "Hey, quit killing people before I get a chance to do it," Death said. "I like to savor it with famous people. Yves Saint-Laurent was a real treat. Gay people always go out fabulously. Hey, it's all right, I'm sorry. It's just a stressful gig, this reaping. Put 'er there. HAHAHA! They fall for that one every time."

[The Sugar Sheet]