That is Don Mattingly, right?

Links

Daniel Day-Lewis Is Method Acting The Hell Out Of Abe Lincoln - That’s not Daniel Day-Lewis, Bill and Ted just left the real Abe Lincoln alone at the mall again. [Film Drunk]

Community Credits x Parks & Recreation - This isn’t that great, really, but I can’t stop watching it. Ken Jeong aside, I want to kiss every person in this cast on the mouth. [NextRound]

A Gallery of Pitch Perfect Daria Cosplay - Holy crap, cosplay Jane from Daria #cangetit. Somebody give that girl my phone number, and the licensing rights to popular songs from the 90s. [Unreality]

Is It OK to NOT Love ‘The Muppets’? - No, stupid. [Moviefone]

Expert: Coming Apple-Designed TV Will Blow Your Freakin’ Mind, Man! - There’s so much Apple stuff in my house I have an iPad on the back of my toilet used exclusively to play Angry Birds while I take a dump. Not looking forward to having to buy this. [UPROXX]

Sexy Rumor: HBO Already Preparing Two More Seasons of ‘Game of Thrones’ - Book spoilers: Lord G’Nort travels to the great Maldavia and stabs Jahara. I don’t know, but that sounds right. [Warming Glow]

St. Petersburg Tops List As America’s Saddest City - Somebody’s never been to Detroit! [Smoking Section]

Five Video Game Series That Never Need to be Reviewed Again - “Madden Football”. [Gamma Squad]

How I Play Call of Duty by xoxoDumpTruckoxox - I always go to xoxoDumpTruckoxox for instructional videos. [Adult Swim]

William Shatner Fires A Photon Torpedo At Carrie Fisher - I wrote fan fic with this title, but it was way more graphic. This is just William Shatner talking. [FARK]

Watch a Nerdy White Boy CRUSH a Rap About Pancakes Set to ‘Look at Me Now’ - CHET HAZE! WE COMIN’ FA YOU, N***A! [BroBible]

“How I Met Your Mother’s” Ted is Kind of a Douche - Also, “How I Met Your Mother’s” Every Other Character is kind of a douche. Why is that guy taking a decade to tell his kids one story? [Pajiba]

If you don’t watch terrible television, you might not know that professional wrestling is obsessed with MTV’s ‘Jersey Shore’. Is it because of the outlandish, over-the-top personalities? Is it because of the ethnic stereotyping and hand gestures? Are they just the only two shows low enough to share a denominator*?

Whatever the reason, the multi-verse Age Of Apocalypse crossover continues as TNA wrestling (the luminaries who brought you Pac-Man Jones as a tag team champion not legally cleared to wrestle) will bring on its third Jersey Shore castmate, Ronnie.

Ronnie Ortiz-Magro gets in the ring with TNA’s IMPACT WRESTLING on SpikeTV! Star of MTV’s “Jersey Shore” makes his wrestling debut on Thursday, November 3. Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, star of MTV’s megahit series, “Jersey Shore,” will bring his pumping fists and bravado into the wrestling ring on TNA’s “Impact Wrestling” airing exclusively on Spike TV Thursday, November 3 at 9:00pm ET/PT.

Crossing over with mainstream audiences is a major goal for pro wrestling, with Cyndi Lauper’s participation in WWF’s Rock N’ Wrestling 1980s and Mike Tyson’s interaction with D-Generation X and Stone Cold Steve Austin in the 90s being important turning points in the medium’s popularity.

Impact Wrestling’s first attempt to bring over the Shore audience was cast member J-WOWW, who called somebody a bitch and got into a catfight. They followed that up with an appearance from former housemate Angelina, who called somebody a bitch and got into a catfight. WWE upped the Shore game by bringing in Snooki for Wrestlemania, which she built to by calling somebody a bitch and getting into a catfight. I wonder what Ronnie will end up doing?

You can check out videos of those appearances below. You know, if you hate yourself.
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Tennessee Titans running back Chris Johnson got a visit from the Orlando Police Department on Tuesday. The reasons for that visit are conflicting; the police say they saw an unusual amount of television cameras at his house, so they investigated to make sure nobody was dealing drugs. Johnson says it was because he’s young, black and famous. No word on whether or not Johnson had money hanging out the anus.

The report, from his Twitter:

Y did the police just walk in my condo saying they think it’s drug activity because it’s alot of traffic but it was the MTV camera crew. … Hard being young, black, and rich

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The war to stock your pro wrestling show with the best available stars of Jersey Shore reaches critical mass tonight, as Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi guest stars on WWE’s Raw.  “Guest starring” on Raw means you stand in the ring, say “what’s up [town name],” and stand there smiling while they kind of cheer.

Competitor TNA Wrestling fired the first salvo (I don’t know what these phrases mean) by bringing on both JWoww and Angelina in two nonconsecutive feature roles.  To explain things analogously, Angelina is to Snooki as TNA Wrestling is to WWE.  There’s got to be a Venn diagram out there charting two big circles of stupid people and somehow proving this crossover necessary through formal logic.

WWE’s announcement makes her sound like a toddler in a tiara: “A native of Poughkeepsie, N.Y., Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi is a reality television star who comes from a close-knit Italian family. Fun, outgoing, spontaneous, loving and loud are just a few words that describe this veterinary tech major, whose hobbies include cheerleading, shopping, tanning, working out, and of course always looking good.”  It’s certainly better than my announcement, which is “Snooki is a koopa troopa famous for being punched in the face and having stupid hair, and her fifteen minutes of comedy segment will take 25 seconds away from the already 70-seconds long Daniel Bryan match.”

I want this war to end.  I don’t want to put on Dreamslam 2 and suddenly notice The Situation retroactively cornering for Kandori and Sawai, looking for Victory Through Guts, Tanning and Laundry.