Good to know Usher and Justin Bieber had a baby already. Man, Phillie Phanatic would’ve slaughtered everyone on screen. (via NESN)

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The Phillie Phanatic (a person/bird/thing I legitimately love more than most members of my family) is out for revenge. After traveling home to the Galapagos Islands to learn about his heritage and selflessly building homes for the less fortunate, what does he find? That a recent poll from the celebrity Davie-Brown Index ranked him as only the second-best mascot in the game … behind Mr. Met.

And yeah, I’m guessing the poll was 80% New Yorkers naming the only mascot they could remember, but that’s a travesty. A Jim Henson creation who has set the bar for mascot excellence for almost 40 years finishes behind a guy with a baseball head, because “baseball”. A f**king disgrace.

The Phanatic paid a visit to the New York Mets announce booth to address the situation, if we take “address the situation” to mean “polish Gary Cohen’s head” and make people wear cheesesteak hats. At least he got Cohen to say he likes his with whiz. The Phanatic isn’t as aggressive as I’d like him to be.

Video is below.

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Baseball starts tomorrow, and one of the challenges of every–yes, seriously. Opening Day is tomorrow. Anyway, the guys at The Apple satirized the New York Mets’ quest to promote a special section of the ballpark for discounted family tickets. The results were quite humorous.

Late last week, BJ’s Wholesale Club signed on to sponsor the section. In an effort to incorporate the sponsor into the promotion the Mets came up with Mr. Mets BJ Club [sic].[..]

Needless to say the phones at Citi Field began to ring off the hook. Half of the calls were from angry parents while the other half were from men desperate to get tickets in the new section.

–The [Faker Than Sh:t] Apple.

So now it’s “BJ’s Clubhouse,” which is still kinda dirty, though not as dirty as “Mr. Met’s Rest Stop At Mile 25″ or “Mr. Met’s Exotic Double-Wide Trailer Of Secrets.” It’s all about the families, because why would you overprice one fan when you can do it to four at the same time?

UPDATE: Fake. Damn. I’m gonna catch hell for this at the Mile 25 rest stop.

With the New York Mets currently 12 games out of first, barely treading water at a game over .500 and their magic number for elimination at 4, it’s pretty obvious how this season will wrap up for them. And while I’d like some of their classic choke magic to rub off on the Cincinnati Reds, I can’t help but think it’s kind of mean to make fun of them at this point. Sure, along with the Cubs, their fans claim it’s their season every year, and sure, they may have secretly killed Johan Santana while claiming that he’s just having surgery.

I mean, is it even that much fun anymore to pick on Mets GM Omar Minaya for consistently destroying the hopes and dreams of the millions of New Yorkers who lost a bet and had to be Mets fans? At least with Steve Phillips, the Mets flirted with hope while he flirted with skanks. I just don’t think it’s right to poke fun at a wounded fan base, and while I’d love to point out that Jose Reyes hasn’t been dancing in the dugout that much these days, I won’t.

But thankfully there are Mets fans with a strong enough sense of humor to lash out at the team. Video after the jump.

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