Japan has once again proven that it’s the international leader in creating things both adorable and dangerous, as one of the hottest trends in the comically futuristic country is owning a tricked out super-charged low-rider scooter. From a London Paper gallery awesomely titled “Oversized pimped-up super scooters are the latest must-have fashion accessory among Japanese teens”:

Complete with oversized exhausts these colourfully extravagant 250cc scooters are the ultimate accessory for the Japanese teenager. Designed and created by Yamaha, Suzuki and Honda among others, the unique customised bikes are set to storm the world.

[Customer Scooter magazine editor Matsushita] Hisashi said the type of people buying them vary among mechanics, delivery drivers and lots of girls.

In a seemingly unrelated story, Japanese teens are the latest thing that oversize pimps must have access to.  At least, that’s what Double-XL Weezy told me the last time I was looking for a “date.”

Here’s the video of daredevil Robbie Maddison’s New Year’s jump on ESPN. First he took that little moped up a steep-ass ramp to land on top of the fake Arc de Triomphe at Paris Las Vegas. Then, even crazier, he drove off the arch and stuck the landing on a 100-foot drop.

Fast-forward about another hour, and he was naked with the hot blond girl that hugged him afterward. And justifiably so. He probably earned himself a threesome with that little stunt. If there’s one thing sure to get panties wet, it’s stupid crap that puts men’s lives in danger. And you’ve got to give men credit for our thought processes. “Well, if it goes wrong, I die. But if it goes right, I get LAID! Let’s DO THIS!!!”

Editor’s Note: Why yes, I did volunteer to go to combat.

[GorillaMask]

I suppose this isn’t exactly “sports” “news,” but the presence of a motorcycle is close enough to motor sports for me to justify it (see also: hummina).  Besides, when the news cycle is this slow, it needs to be sped up… with a news motorcycle!!!  And by motorcycle I mean gigantic tits.

Anyway, here are British pin-ups/faux-lipstick-lesbian-pals Lucy Pinder and Michelle Marsh, posing on a — what is that?  Some kind of crotch rocket?  I’ve got a rocket in my crotch they can have!  It’s an M-80 firecracker I keep in my pocket.  I figured they might want to light it on New Year’s Eve.

[Don Chavez]

Take a look at that box on the left.  Click on it if it’s too small for your eyes, Grandma.  Those are the top stories at ESPN.com right now.  That’s nine stories.  Four of them are about baseball’s winter meetings, and two of them are about golf.  Golf and people talking about baseball.  That’s what I have to work with here.

So let me ask you a question: do you want to hear about people complaining about the Hall of Fame voting procedures, or do you wanna see a MOTORCYCLE HEADSTAND CRASH????

I think my work here is done.

Some people may complain about this post because riding a motorcycle isn’t a sport per se, but to those detractors I retort: Marisa Miller on a motorcycle, bitches.

Unfortunately, these are not posters for my new porno, Easy Ride: Her.  These are new ads for Harley-Davidson’s V-Rod Muscle, and one of them specifically says that I can see more of Marisa if I go to this page.  And it’s a goddam lie.  There’s no Marisa there.  It’s just specs on some stupid motorcycle.

What the hell, Harley-Davidson?  I’m not going to buy a motorcycle unless I think there’s a realistic chance that I’m going to go down to my garage one day, and boom!  There’s Marisa Miller, dressed in leather, waiting for a ride.  Well, thanks to you, I know she won’t be there.  Your motorcycles SUCK.

Several dozen people were racing motorcycles at 140 mph on a track in Rome with tight turns, and shockingly, two people — Max Biaggi and Kenan Sufuolu — bumped into each other.  Then they regained control of their respective bikes and said, “Phew!  That was a close one!”

Naw just kidding.  Their motorcycles flipped along the ground, and they went flying through the air at about one-fifth the speed of sound before sliding and rolling along pavement.  And I know what you’re asking: Are they dead? Are they dead?  Huh?  Huh huh huh?

Biaggi clipped the back of Troy Corser, causing him to high-side and collect Kenan Sofuoglu. Despite the high-speed impact, Biaggi was nonetheless able to walk away from the smash unharmed.

Man, that’s disappointing.  Although I, for one, see this as a good excuse to clip a motorcyclist the next time they drive between lanes when I’m stopped in traffic.  Assholes.

[The Sporting Blog]