Saturday Night Live featured a New Balance commercial (starring Zach Galifianakis) that should totally play to the blogger crowd, because it’s about how nobody who wears New Balance running shoes actually runs, and how they’re the worst of the aging white guys. Man, you nerds … I wear NIKE shoes when I’m just standing around. (via Hulu)

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Links

The Unused Opening Title Credits For ‘Iron Man 3′ Are Incredible |UPROXX|

Ron Swanson’s 15 Most Enlightening GIFs From ‘Parks And Recreation’ Season 5 |Warming Glow|

Meet The Guy Who Built His Home To Look Like The Star Trek U.S.S. Enterprise |Film Drunk|

Reminder: Baseball Has Flopping, Too |With Leather|

The Bionic Dog With Four Prosthetic Legs Returns To Hit Us In All The Feels |Gamma Squad|

Brooklyn Finally Renames A Park In Adam “MCA” Yauch’s Honor |Smoking Section|

It’s Feeding Time At The Cutler House |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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Hey, you! It’s Oregon All Access: 2012 Oregon Cheer Tryouts, “an inside look at what it took to earn a coveted spot on the 2012-2013 Oregon Cheer Team.” Everybody cool with that? I mean, I can post some more George Plimpton videos if you’d like.

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Links

FilmDrunk Video: We’ve replaced Wolverine’s claw sounds. Let’s see if he notices. |Film Drunk|

What Is Matthew Modine Up To These Days, You Ask? Pwning Bill Simmons On Twitter, That’s What! |UPROXX|

Who Should Play Mr. Rogers In The Mr. Rogers Movie? |Warming Glow|

Alex Karras Versus George Plimpton. Who Ya Got? |With Leather|

Scarlet Witch And Quicksilver Confirmed For ‘Avengers 2′, So Let’s Check Out Some Cosplay |Gamma Squad|

The 10 Most Badass X-Men Villains Of All Time |Smoking Section|

Pilot for Hard Knocks 2013 LEAKED: The League Office |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Fantastic Finishes: Shlemenko vs McDaniel |LegKickTKO|

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FINALLY, the official instrument of the 2014 World Cup in Brazil has been announced, and I can finally stop worrying about how I was gonna watch soccer without incessantly playing a stupid f**king noisy trinket. Meet CAXIROLA, designed by “Academy Award nominated musician Carlinhos Brown,” because you absolutely need an Academy Award nominated musician to design “a rattle with finger holes instead of a stick.” Mother of God. Enjoy listening to this thing, soccer jerks. (h/t to Reddit)

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Links

Enjoy This Lovely Collection Of Jennifer Lawrence Photos From Her Modeling Days |UPROXX|

Danny Pudi Got A ‘Community’ Fan Laid By Autographing A Starbucks Cup |Warming Glow|

James Franco Dicknosed His Own Birthday Cake |Film Drunk|

Philadelphia Is Hosting A Masturbate-A-Thon For National Masturbation Month |With Leather|

Scientifically Accurate Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Are Hilariously Disturbing |Gamma Squad|

Waka Flocka Thinks Gucci’s Hate Comes from “Jealousy” and “Envy” |Smoking Section|

LOLNFL: Draft Weekend 2013 |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Splish-Splash Blood Bath: Goulet vs Hieron |LegKickTKO|

The Mandible Claw Podcast, Episode 8: We Go On TV, and Sing Sing Sing |The Mandible Claw|

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The Chicago Blackhawks are up 1-0 on the Minnesota Wild, and they don’t even care about the tremendous amount of sex they had in the regular season. F**k regular season sex! (via LAF)

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Links

5 Reasons Iggy Pop Is Still Relevant 40 Years After The First Stooges Album |UPROXX|

Here’s A Glorious Mashup Of The ‘Planet Of The Apes’ Scenes From ‘Mad Men’ And ‘The Simpsons’ |Warming Glow|

The Karate Kid XXX sounds pretty good |Film Drunk|

Did Cristiano Ronaldo Cheat On Irina Shayk With Miss Bum Bum Brasil? Sure, Why Not? |With Leather|

‘Amazing Spider-Man 2′ Set Video and Pictures: Lookin’ Good, Jamie Foxx! |Gamma Squad|

Morgan Freeman Reciting Ray J’s “I Hit It First”? Yes, Please!!!11!1 |Smoking Section|

Taiwanese Animators Get One Last Dig In At Tim Tebow |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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A Rockets fan tried to share a little bro time with Chandler Parsons after Houston’s 105-103 victory against the Oklahoma City Thunder and got shut down. Chandler’s got ice water running in his veins. Next time I see him I’m gonna shoot the Top Gun high/low and see where it gets me. (via Beyond the Buzzer)

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Links

Meme Watch: Confession Kid Reminds Us Of All The Crazy Things We Used To Believe |UPROXX|

The ‘Walking Dead’s’ Norman Reedus Photobombs ‘Game Of Thrones’ Fan Picture |Warming Glow|

WATCH: Under Siege Re-Cut as a Silent Film is Just the Best |Film Drunk|

Want To Watch Jon Jones Break His Toe Again? Of Course You Do |With Leather|

Scarlett Johansson Does Drugs, Gets Superpowers In Luc Besson’s ‘Lucy’ |Gamma Squad|

TSS Presents Smoking Sessions With Rittz |Smoking Section|

Eli Manning Thought His New Backup Was Calling Him Adorable |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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The Toledo Mud Hens are celebrating Star Wars on May 4 and 5 by wearing Chewbacca jerseys. Sadly they’re just printed to look like Chewie’s chest and are not actually made out of 8 feet of Muppet hair, which would be the greatest promotion of all time.

It’s a cool promotion, but true Star Wars fans know that Chewbacca is a TERRIBLE baseball player. He can’t even get the ball over the plate. Video proof is after the jump. (h/t to Gamedayr)

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Links

‘I’m 11 And Pregnant’: 10 Very Revealing Age-Specific Google Autocompletes |UPROXX|

‘Game Of Thrones’ Houses, By Hotness |Warming Glow|

Razor-blade nipple tassel lady: The best Bond villain that never was? |Film Drunk|

Holy Sh*t, Three Legged Alligators Are Terrorizing The Zurich Classic |With Leather|

Here Are All The ‘Confirmed’ XBox 720 Games |Gamma Squad|

Barack Obama Pens Open Letter To Jay-Z, Reps DJ Khaled At Correspondence Dinner |Smoking Section|

It’s Time To Admit We Like Jay Cutler |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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