I don’t care if Bruins winger Milan Lucic was born in Vancouver or not; his parents are dirty Serbs and so his he. And don’t tell me that I’m some kind of Serbist; I have have lots of Serbian friends. Well, I do until they find out I’m from Kosovo. Anyway, Lucic was back in action last night after serving his one-game suspension and back to his old ways, taking down Mike Komisarek as his Bruins eliminated the Montreal Canadiens from the Stanley Cup Playoffs.

Hockeyfights, one of the reasons that the internet is the greatest thing ever, brings us video of the “fight,” which is really Lucic pulling some judo move after “punching” Komisarek almost before he can get his gloves off. The move was similar to the one Lucic executed in their fisticuffish confrontation back on November 13th, which is clipped in the first vid, but available in its entirety after the jump.

Other playoff news: the Rangers went up 3-1 on the Caps last night, and Calgary knotted its series with Chicago at 2 apiece. Detroit will probably knock Columbus out of the playoffs tonight, and Puck Daddy says that Toronto might get a second NHL team, possibly the Phoenix Coyotes. It’s hard to imagine what Arizona would be like without professional ice hockey. The game’s so ingrained into their culture down there.

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The NHL preseason has begun, and some of the big men in ice skates are already in midseason form.  Case in point: the Canadiens’ Carey Price made this Matrix-style stick save last night.  And I’m not kidding about the Matrix thing.  It has to be shown in slow-motion for you to see anything.  Hockey in real time just looks like a bunch of sticks flailing around.  The NHL should really consider showing its games at two-thirds speed so people can follow what the hell is going on.  Or do something really innovative, like digitally enhance the puck onscreen so it glows.  Yeah, that would work out great.

[Fan IQ]

Last night the Canadiens routed the Bruins 5-0 in Game 7 of their first-round series, and a joyous crowd of men with hyphenated girlie names took to the streets to celebrate Detroit-style.  A fitting reaction, given that Montreal only needs to win three more series for the Stanley Cup.

A few hundred people, some intoxicated, marched down the downtown avenue, throwing rocks and bottles at police and torching vehicles… Despite increased police presence deployed to the streets before Monday night's game, rioters burnt or smashed 16 police cars and at least five other vehicles. At least five businesses were ransacked as well, although [a police spokesman] said the damage was limited.

"One minute we were all hanging out and celebrating and then all hell broke out," said Jean-François Hotte, who watched as a Foot Locker store was ransacked by looters. A liquor store was also hit… City police, backed up by riot squad officers, used pepper spray and batons to quell the crowd, which dispersed around 2 a.m. There were no reports of serious injuries.

NHL officials reacted calmly in support of Montreal, pointing out that a riotous mob of looters setting cars on fire is actually less annoying than being in the same room as a single Boston fan.

Hockey legend Guy Lafleur ("the flower" – what a queer!) can commiserate with Eagles coach Andy Reid — Guy's son is a 23-year-old criminal, too, with a rap sheet that reads like the Bengals' inactive list:

Lafleur's 23-year-old son [Mark] faces more than 20 criminal charges, including sexually assaulting a minor, armed assault, uttering threats, and forcible confinement between 2004 and 2007.

Mark has been living in halfway houses as he awaits the beginning of his trial next May, and Guy — being the caring father that he is — petitioned the court to have Mark stay in his care until trial.  Except…

"While, according to the testimony of the accused and his father before this court on Oct. 15, it seems that rather than sleeping at his father's house, (his father) allowed him to spend the weekends or nights in the company of his girlfriend, aged 16, in two different hotels," Quebec Superior Court Justice Carol Cohen said in denying the younger Lafleur's request for bail.

Yes, the 23-year-old guy charged with sexually assaulting a minor has a 16-year-old girlfriend.  And his dad knowingly provided the illegal transportation for his booty calls.  And why not?  You shoulda seen the ass on her.  16 goin' on 26, ya know what I mean?

[SPORTSbyBROOKS] 

How this happened a month ago without me seeing it is totally beyond my understanding.  Oh wait, I know why: it's hockey.  Did this happen in the playoffs?  Are either of the teams still in contention for the Stanley Cup?  It's a mystery only NHL fans know, and I don't know where I can find one.

In other times and places, men like these players for Ottawa and Montreal were called vikings, knights, or crusaders, and their acts of reckless heroism were re-told through the ages by wandering troubadours.  Today, we call them by a centuries-old name: warriors.  Wait, that's not right.  I meant to say, "total pussies."  I believe they each got five minutes in the penalty box for cowardice.

(Thanks to Show Dog With Papers, even though a bunch of you hockey people have already seen it)

UPDATE: So I guess this is from a year ago?  Whatever.  Live it up, hockey fans… at least you got a post. 

Just as I predicted before the season three days ago, the Sabres beat the Islanders to begin their season 10-0, tying them for the best start in NHL history. Meanwhile, Jim Kiick and Larry Csonka are holding a bottle of champagne at the ready, waiting for the one time each year that they become briefly relevant. Oops, wrong sport. Whatever, they're still douchebags.

In much more interesting hockey news, the Canadiens beat the Bruins 3-2 in Boston on a tie-breaking goal scored with 1.2 seconds left in the game. Not surprisingly, that didn't go over well in Boston, and fans littered the ice with garbage, forcing the referees to call the game before the final buzzer. Said Montreal captain Saku Koivu:

"When you see the bottles with liquid being thrown from 20 rows up, you worry about your head or face being hurt. The referees did the right thing to end the game… It was a huge win. It feels a lot bigger when you steal it in the last few seconds."

He then added, "And it feels a lot — I mean a LOT – better when you piss off a bunch of pretentious Boston assholes."