You know how people often complain about PETA because its members seemingly spend more time putting naked Brooke Hogan in a cage, trying to convince sports teams to change their names, or chastising Chris Christie for killing a spider, when there are significantly more horrible things happening to animals around the world? Well, buckle up, because if PETA wanted a bold, new cause, I’ve got it for them.

Normally, if you had told me that you had a video of a bear and monkey racing on bicycles, I’d hug you and call you my new best friend. But when said video ends in absolute horror, like with the bear mauling the monkey, then I do not believe I would be as happy. In fact, I’d be downright upset. Probably upset enough that I’d invoke the assistance of PETA.

A video of such a monkey and bear bicycle race was posted to Live Leak on Sunday, and if you are easily upset by a bear attacking a monkey, I’d suggest not looking at this. But I know my audience, so here you go.

Read the rest of this entry »

As much of a fan of crazy zoo videos as I am – specifically those that involve literal hippopotamus sh*t storms – I often wonder just how stupid the average zoo-goer is. For instance, today’s “Because It’s Friday” video features dozens, if not several hundred people watching in awe as a frightening monkey fight breaks out. And they just stand there laughing and yelling in delight as two or three monkeys try to beat the crap out of one of their captive mates.

I know that Planet of the Apes is just a movie and we’re really in no danger of monkeys rising up and conquering us, but there’s still a pretty good chance that if I was at the zoo and I saw a bunch of monkeys start freaking out, screaming and beating the crap out of each other, my legs would do that swirly thing that the Scooby Doo characters do before they run, and then there’d be a trail of smoke behind me in the shape of my body.

So kudos to these brave folks for sticking around to watch this monkey fight unfold.

Read the rest of this entry »

The video description:

Monkey dose exercise for tourists

… and that’s it. He “dose” it. Here we are, left with a video of a monkey cranking out a set of push-ups, then flipping over to do sit-ups while his trainer holds his ankles. It’s the kind of thing the Internet was made for, and I guess we’re just fulfilling that Planet Of The Apes prophecy where we teach apes how to be better than us en route to being ruled by them.

I’m not sure whether I’m supposed to be happy or sad for the fitness monkey, but here he is. Video is after the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »

In recent years, lucky animals have played a huge part in Major League Baseball teams’ World Series runs, from the Anaheim Angels of Anaheim Los Angeles Angels’ Rally Monkey to the St. Louis Cardinals’ classier and more intelligent Rally Squirrel. This year, the World Champion San Francisco Giants had a much less heralded but equally important furry good luck charm in a rare orange langur monkey that was born at the San Francisco Zoo during the Giants’ playoff run.

Dubbed the “Lucky Langur” after its birth and the team’s subsequent wins, the zoo’s monkey people (you’d think they’d have an official title) decided that it was finally time to name this adorable little living pumpkin.

It’s official: That adorable newborn monkey whose birth coincided with the Giants World Series winning streak has been named, and we think you will be pleased.

San Francisco, meet Romo. (Via San Francisco Weekly)

I’m told that right after they chose Romo, the monkey threw its poop and it was intercepted and returned for a touchdown. OHHHHH, they meant Sergio Romo, the beloved Giants closer, whose strange beard and quirky behavior filled in perfectly for the injured Brian Wilson, whose strange beard and quirky behavior had its own strong presence in the Giants’ dugout.

Alas, there’s one little problem with this monkey’s new name – this Romo is a girl. Again, the Tony Romo jokes write themselves.

Read the rest of this entry »

In a story that is extremely relevant to my interests, the first pitch at Thursday’s San Diego Padres/Los Angeles Dodgers game at PETCO Park was thrown out by Crystal, aka “that one monkey from everything,” aka Annie’s Boobs from ‘Community’. You may remember Crystal from such roles as Dexter in the Night At The Museum franchise, Donald The Monkey in Paul Blart: Zookeeper or Dr. Rizzo in the television series ‘Animal Practice’. You may also already be scrolling down to check and make sure there are actual boobs in this post.

Jason over at Sportress Of Blogitude grabbed a few Instagram photos of the MONKEY TROUBLE~ (note: not the monkey from Monkey Trouble) going down at PETCO, which you can check out below. One features Crystal adorably holding a baseball. Two others feature her taking a dump on Yonder Alonso’s shoulder, probably.

Also amazing: video of Crystal’s “first pitch” and trip to the announce booth.

Read the rest of this entry »

Here’s a monkey riding a deer, because there’s no better way to start your Friday. (Via)

15 ‘If You Watch It Backwards’ Variations Arguably More Compelling Than The Original Movie |UPROXX|

10 Netflix Instant TV Comedy Recommendations That May Have Flown Under Your Radar |Warming Glow|

Aurora shooting victim tells Dave Mustaine not to blame Obama (Note: not a mad lib) |Film Drunk|

Celebrities Make The Most Amazing Workout Videos: A Golden Treasury Of Shamelessness |With Leather|

Five Reasons You Need To Play ‘Sleeping Dogs’ |Gamma Squad|

Rick Ross Finally Admits To Past As Correctional Officer…Kind Of |Smoking Section|

The 2012 KSK Fantasy Team Naming Guide |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

BREAKING:

Read the rest of this entry »