Back To School Iron Man star Robert Downey Jr. “Tebowed” before presenting the Oscar for Best Documentary at Sunday night’s 84th Annual Academy Awards, briefly reviving a Kirk Douglas-aged meme and making people who think Robert Downey Jr. is funny think Robert Downey Jr. is f**king hilarious.
Gwyneth Paltrow should’ve worn a Knicks jersey and pretended she was Mr. Yunioshi from Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Next year the first 20 minutes of the broadcast should just be Cirque de Soleil planking with Touch Of Evil playing in the background.
But hey, Downey’s facetious Tebowing was far from the only Oscars sports news, as three important things happened — Robin Roberts joined Best Supporting Actress winner for The Help and Auburn alumna Octavia Spencer in namedropping “War Eagle” on the red carpet, Best Picture nominee Moneyball got completely shut out and Taiwan’s Next Media Animation did a recap where they called the Oscars the “gay Super Bowl” and had host Billy Crystal run a 9-hour relay race.
Heisman Winner Robert Griffin III Will Make The Leap To The League - Good for him. Hopefully the NFL of 2015 is only rookies, and they’re all exceeding expectations. [Smoking Section]
25 Of The Most Normal Photos Of Rappers Doing Normal Sh*t - I’ve always wanted a Golden Treasury of Ludacris on the toilet. “My poop is colorful – BALLOONS!” etc. [UPROXX]
We Have A Special Treat For You If You ‘Like’ Us On Facebook - An exclusive 5-Second Films film! If you like With Leather on Facebook all it gets you is the Kate Upton sex tape. What a rip-off! [UPROXX]
Jon Huntsman’s Super Cute Daughters Will Unite Us All - These girls ain’t got nothin’ on Meghan McCain. And trust me, as someone who grew up in the religious mecca of central Virginia, it’s no surprise to me that a super Republican has foxy daughters. [Warming Glow]
The 10 Cheesiest Movie Moments Of 2011 - It’s hard to say “hey, I disagree” at Film Drunk, but I still don’t agree with him about Moneyball. Literally every emotional moment in the history of movies is derivative of human emotion in some way and “manufactured”, unless we’re exclusively watching Errol Morris DVDs. Plus, Mark Shapiro looked exactly like Mark Shapiro, so come on. [Film Drunk]
Corporate Response To Star Wars Complaint Letter Is The Best Ever Corporate Response - I’m going to start sending in complaint letters to UPROXX every time we post something about Star Wars. [Gamma Squad]
The 30 Best Taco-Related Crimes Ever - #31, giving Shaq TNS (Taco Neck Syndrome) and ruining the prime of his NBA career. [Buzzfeed]
10 Movies You Had No Idea Were Turned Into TV Shows - Another excuse for me to link you to that Uncle Buck theme I shared a few months ago. It is easily the best TV credits theme of all time. [The FW]
Paul Rudd To *Literally* Guest Star On “Parks and Recreation” - Truefax: if Paul Rudd was ugly he wouldn’t have been in a single movie. [FARK]
20 Underappreciated Gems Currently Playing on Netflix Instant - Hulu has them beat: it has the Christmas movie where Bruce Vilanch is an emotional elf. [Pajiba]
This ‘Kate Upton Rocks the World’ Video Will Shatter Your Mind - It’s nothing you haven’t seen before, but you should watch it anyway. The success or failure of our website is directly related to how often Kate Upton does things. [Brobible]
The Summer Glau Comic-Con Pose GIF - This is why I can’t pay to meet celebrities at cons. They absolutely do not give a sh*t that I like them. [NextRound]
Although I guess the idea of Moneyball is that Beane’s system found under-appreciated value in players and was able to build a team using a system nobody else knew about or understood. Moneyball 2‘s plot is just going to be Billy Beane walking into the Washington Nationals front office and saying “give me all your best young players for this one dude because you’re stupid” and Ted Lerner going “DURRRRRR SURE”. And also Jonah Hill will be there.
ESPN.com’s Keith Law reported via Twitter that the Washington Nationals have acquired [pitcher Gio] Gonzalez from the Oakland Athletics in exchange for four top prospects.
On their way to a future in green and gold are pitchers A.J. Cole, Brad Peacock and Tom Milone, along with catcher Derek Norris. Cole, Peacock and Norris were among the Nationals’ top 10 prospects as rated by Baseball America. And Minor League Ball’s John Sickels had Milone in his Nats top 10, as well.
I guess I’m happy that Nats GM Mike Rizzo has a talking point for his offseason, and nothing the guys who gave Jayson Werth 130 million f**king dollars should come as a surprise. Chances are they’re still going to go after Prince Fielder, too, so maybe they’re going to tie the remaining six prospects together and FedEx them to someone to thin out the competition.
Regardless, Mike Cameron should start learning the words to “The Show”.
So far this week we’ve shared with you Tinyballs, Saturday Night Live’s parody of Moneyball, and College Humor’s Too Much Moneyball, but it’s not over yet — I guess the comedic possibilities of that “fifty feet of crap” speech are too enticing, because Funny Or Die has chimed in with their own version about Matt Millen’s run as general manager of the Detroit Lions. I also would’ve accepted Millen Dollar Baby, especially if they killed him at the end.
The video has its high points (Patrick Willis being good at football as “the same old nonsense”, somebody stealing my “judge players solely on how good they are in video games” style) and its low points (knocking the WNBA, because seriously, who still thinks that’s funny) but is worth it almost solely for the The Dugout-style representation of Joey Harrington as a scarf-wearing piano player who can only throw the football behind him.
That all being said, man, somebody release another movie of worth so we can keep “fifty feet of crap” from being this year’s Bullet-time.
Saturday Night Live isn’t always on the cutting edge of comedy and “baseball = steroids” isn’t the most creative joke, but I couldn’t help but enjoy this Moneyball parody from Saturday’s show. It features exaggerated muscle suits, Jay Pharoah eating a baseball and a wistful young daughter so wistful she can’t help but Wist when she hears the A’s are cheating. The only real downside is Ben Stiller still thinking “nervous, put-upon Jewish guy” and “slimy Jewish businessman” are the only two characters he can play. More Tony Perkis, less Tony Perkis Sr., Ben.
Check out the video below, courtesy of Hulu, who are proud to support the efforts of whoever:
This comes on the heels of College Humor’s “Too Much Moneyball”, at at this rate Eddie Murphy and Brett Ratner aren’t going to have anything left to parody at the Academy Awards. Who am I kidding? We could get ten more funny Moneyball parodies and Ratner would still fill the first 15 minutes of the Oscars with Murphy superimposed over Brad Pitt and yelling MONEYBALL, WHATCHOO TALKIN BOUT MONEYBALL I OUGHTA SLAP YOU to stock footage of Jonah Hill.
Reebok Broke, Reebok Broke: Company Agrees To Pay $25 Million In Toning Shoe Refunds - R.I.P., Reebok, I will always remember you in your better days, when you tried to sell me shoes by having Shawn Kemp dunk on a robot in a game of Killer Instinct and then scream to destroy him. [Smoking Section]
Today’s Column: How Moneyball the Movie Became the Opposite of Moneyball the Concept - I still haven’t seen this. I’m a bad sports blogger. I’m going to try to recreate the experience by sitting in a pitch black room and listening to an A’s game on the radio. [Film Drunk]
Jose Canseco And Octomom Sitting In A Tree - In case you missed it yesterday, the Octomom is probably the most legitimately weird person to ever be famous for something, and Jose Canseco thinks he’s good at fighting people, but he isn’t. Also, lol Coolio. [With Leather]
How Many Awkward Patrick Swayze Jokes Are in ’50/50′? - I love you, Anna Kendrick, like a real, lasting love, so I’m going to go see this movie you’re in, and you have to repay me by being super nice to me should we ever meet. Not weird-nice, just pleasant and happy, because Lord, I sat through this movie. [Moviefone]
Here Are The Nick Offerman High School Yearbook Photos Ron Swanson Fans Have Been Clamoring For - Nick Offerman isn’t a real person. I’m convinced Ron Swanson is a S1mone situation and his high school yearbook pictures are just part of the false memories. [UPROXX]
The Most Ridiculous Covers of Superman’s Girlfriend Lois Lane - Comic books were awesome as hell before people like Judd Winick grew up and got put in charge of them. [Gamma Squad]
Creepily Specific, Poorly Made ‘Simpsons’ Cosplay to Haunt Your Dreams - I don’t do the “well, gonna have nightmares!” joke a lot, so please know it is not a joke when I say this is going to give me nightmares. Jesus Christ. [Warming Glow]
Meme Watch: Pug On A Slide Wins The Internet Today - Pretty sure this would win the Internet on any day. I get worried for pugs when they’re trying to walk forward, much less when they’re put on playground equipment. [UPROXX]
Awesome Quotes From 11 Famous Writers On Censorship - Important words to share with you from a website where the Dockers people will get mad and pull their ads if I type the f-word without stars over the U and C. [Buzzfeed]
The Road to Juggalo Recovery - I outlined the steps to recovery in yesterday’s Morning Links, but I’ll add a fourth: if you’re in public, put on a shirt. [Adult Swim\]
Popeye’s Scoop Shaped Dippable Fried Chicken Is a Real Thing - “What part of the chicken is a NUGGET??” the commercials ask. I don’t know, what part of the chicken is the “popcorn”? What part of the chicken comes out looking like a Frito, you psychopaths? [The Daily What]
28 Hi-Def Calvin and Hobbes Wallpapers - Just because. [Unreality]
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