New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and his wife, eventual billionaire model Gisele Bundchen, just welcomed their second child (Brady’s third) into the world. Joining the two boys that Brady has already fathered is a daughter named Vivian Lake Brady, which is considerably better than Katniss Vanellope. But I’m not here to make child birth announcements for millionaires. I’m here to ask the hard-hitting questions and make people think. That said…

When is Brady going to meet with Jay Cutler about raising their kids to eventually date and get married so they can eventually breed an army of quarterbacks that feature Brady’s strong talents and Cutler’s lack of concern for anything and anyone?

I look forward to the day of their marriage.

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I watch all of my NFL games on Sunday with a group of friends at a bar that is owned by a huge Washington Redskins fan, so naturally there’s a small group of burgundy faithful who hang out there as well, and if I can keep blocking out the existence of Daniel Snyder, I can actually appreciate the team with them. It makes it exponentially easier, though, that I have Alfred Morris on my fantasy team and have grown to appreciate him as a player and a person in his rookie season.

So last week, I noticed that some Redskins fans on Twitter were trying to develop a good nickname for Morris, and the very boring and unoriginal “A-Mo” was picking up steam. No. People, please. We need to put an end to this horrible trend of first name, first letter hyphen abbreviated form of last name as a viable nickname already. It’s fine with A-Rod, because aside from A-Hole, there isn’t much else to call him. But A-Mo? Do you really want to give Philadelphia Eagles fans that easy of a chant? The alternative was “Monster” but that’s equally boring. Beast. Monster. Come on.

That’s why I was pleased to see that the inventers of Griffining over at The Burgundy Blog had come up with “The Natural” based on Morris’ patented home run swing touchdown celebration. I like it, a very plain and simple nickname for the guy with the plain and simple car and the ability to drag defenders 10 yards at a time. Good stuff.

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We miss you, J-Cutty.

We’re going to get into this more in-depth tomorrow in the With Leather Fantasy Football Support Group, but it’s just remarkable to me how many high profile players were injured in the past two weeks. Tonight’s a perfect example, too, as both the Chicago Bears and San Francisco 49ers will face off on Monday Night Football without their starting quarterbacks. Obviously, that’s bad news for the Bears, as Jay Cutler had been just Dilferesque enough to support the Bears’ amazing defense.

But it might be good news for the 49ers. Nothing against the equally Dilferian Alex Smith, but I’m sure there are some fist-pumping San Fran fans out there. You don’t have to celebrate your QB’s injury, but it’s okay if you say something like, “Hey, at least we’re not stuck with Jason Campbell.”

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I’m not going to pile on the Kansas City Chiefs like I did with the Jacksonville Jaguars last week, because that’s low hanging fruit and people have already complained enough about them being on Monday Night Football. I also won’t bitch about it, because the Chiefs are going to be the main reason that this game will be hilarious, specifically because Pittsburgh Steelers offensive coordinator and former Chiefs head coach Todd Haley is super pissed off at Kansas City.

After reports that the Chiefs haven’t been paying Haley the money they still owe him, I’d expect for the Steelers to be scoring often tonight. As often as they possibly can. Until every small child in the greater Kansas City area has his or her own YouTube crying video. And even then, I don’t expect Haley to be content.

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As a person who only gambles as part of a horrifying addiction to fantasy football, forgive me if I’m a little misogynistic here. I don’t mean to be, because I’m a classic gentleman, born and raised with southern elegance and hands as soft as a cloud shaped like a polar bear cub. That said, some broad made a $5 football bet on a 15-team parlay through Las Vegas-based Station Casinos, and thanks to the New Orleans Saints’ 28-13 victory over the Philadelphia Eagles on Monday Night Football, this anonymous woman is now $99,995 richer.

It turns out that this lady – obviously withholding her name from the media so the government won’t catch on, so get on that IRS – managed to pick both NFL and NCAA football victories correctly, even including one hell of an underdog.

She picked all 13 NFL games and two college games, beginning with Nebraska as a 2-point favorite over Michigan State. The Cornhuskers covered when Taylor Martinez threw a five-yard touchdown pass to Jamal Turner in the final seconds for a 28-24 victory.

Nebraska trailed 24-14 in the contest with eight minutes to go. Most of her games weren’t nearly as nerve-racking.

The biggest underdog, San Diego State +15, won outright 21-19 at Boise State. (Via the Las Vegas Sun)

This victory may seem like just another feel good story for some nickel slots loser who finally hits the jackpot, but it marks something much bigger than just a happy ending for Marge and the bingo hall gals. This $100,000 victory was the cherry on top of what the Sun also reported was the “worst ever” NFL week for the Vegas sports books. Is this just hyperbole? Probably. But let’s panic and overreact anyway.

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Now that the World Series is over and the San Francisco Giants have escorted us into the most boring time of the year for sports, we’re stuck with just stupid ol’ football until the NBA’s regular season begins. I’m not trying to slight NBA preseason games, but they’re boring, so I guess I am trying to slight them. And I’m obviously kidding about football. Football is the lifeblood through which I forget all that is wrong in this world, and if San Francisco’s defense doesn’t score more than 20 points tonight, my fantasy football life blood should be in wonderful shape.

Either way, it’s still a Monday, so you’re viewing options are basic and limited – Monday Night Football or Raw. But if you live in the Northeast U.S. and you’re dealing with Hurricane Sandy right now, stay strong. If you lose power, let me know and I will call you and give you play-by-play. Of course your phone battery will die, but football is more important.

Monday Night Football: San Francisco 49ers at Arizona Cardinals – 8:30 PM ET on ESPN

I’m really not in the mood for Jon Gruden tonight. If he’s reading this – and I know he is – just tone it down tonight and stop trying to convince people that you’re anything more than a rhetoric regurgitation device. Because I don’t want to throw my remote through the TV when you try to make John Skelton sound like Peyton Manning.

WWE Monday Night Raw – 8 PM ET on USA

I won’t spoil last night’s main event at Hell in a Cell for those of you still planning to watch, but why does the WWE still use that tired old plot device? It’s so boring. Also, did you know that the WWE has a Zombie Survival Guide? Neither did I. Just felt like sharing that.