I swear I’ve seen this video of an overzealous Seattle Mariners fan breaking it down with his young daughters in an empty stadium before, but I think that my mind may have just finally boiled over from spending way too much time on YouTube over the last 10 years. Either way, this real life Phil Dunphy and his two daughters were among the only people who stuck around to watch the Seattle Mariners pull off an 8-7 win over the Chicago White Sox in 10 innings at U.S. Cellular Field on Friday night.
And because it was Friday, they just wanted to DANCE… DANCE… DANCE.
‘Modern Family’ star Ed O’Neill (“star” meaning “one of the 34 people from the show nominated for Best Supporting Actor In A Comedy Series at Sunday’s Primetime Emmy Awards) is a 22-year veteran of Brazilian jiu-jitsu. Long story short, if Ed had gotten into MMA a little earlier, our ‘Married… With Children’ edition of Sports On TV would’ve been lighter on softball and heavier on Al shooting a double-leg takedown on Jefferson D’Arcy and tapping him with a Kimura lock.
Because “Al Bundy is a jiu-jitsu master” is a story that never stops being amazing, Ed O’Neill stopped by the Gracie Academy in Beverly Hills to make an appearance on ‘Gracie Breakdown’, helping Ryron and Rener Gracie analyze the important moments from UFC 152′s Jon ‘Bones’ Jones/Vitor Belfort fight. At one point the brothers explain that when they were little, “Uncle Ed” would trap them on the ground a la Brock Lesnar and beat them up. It is the best.
The breakdown begins with an analysis of the beautiful armbar that Belfort landed on Jones in round one. Ed explains how Jones’ style of ground and pound leaves him exposed to armbars, and then they analyze why Vitor wasn’t able to fully dislocate Jones’ elbow joint. They also discussed the critical details of the round 4 Americana Armlock that Jones’ used to seal the deal and retain title. Very exciting stuff.
Despite my undying rage over the Emmy Awards’ annual snubbery of Nick Offerman’s Ron Swanson on Parks and Rec, I can at least deal with Ty Burrell winning for his portrayal of Modern Family’s bumbling dad, Phil Dunphy. For starters, Dunphy’s character is a lot funnier if you’re a zombie movie nut like me and you remember his hilarious performance in Dawn of the Dead (NSFW language and unfortunately not the doggy style scene), but he’s most affable as the guy who gets to pretend he’s married to Julie Bowen (above).
Enshrined in the With Leather Sports Movie Crush Hall of Fame – doesn’t exist, probably should, check back later this week – as Happy Gilmore’s girlfriend Virginia Venit, Bowen is also apparently quite the New York Knicks fan, and thus she has been coping with a nasty outbreak of Linsanity. Burrell helped cure that recently when he gave his TV wife an autographed game-worn Lin jersey for her birthday, and Bowen Tweeted her joy over such a wonderful present while looking like a sexy librarian on PCP.
One Way Ticket To Snubtown! Breaking Down The Pro Bowl Rosters - When did Ray Lewis get the “you can be in the Pro Bowl forever no matter what” Derek Jeter card, and how do we get it away from him? [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
…And Then Rajon Rondo Airballed A Lay-up - Mhoops! This has got to be the most Brandon Stroud Playing Horse shot in the history of the NBA. [Smoking Section]
The Greatest Sportscasting Moments Of 2011 - Jon Bois, WITH NO REGARD FOR HUMAN LIFE! [SB Nation]
Video: In Nate Diaz’s Defense, Donald Cerrone Shouldn’t Have ‘Put His Stupid-Ass Cowboy Hat All Up On’ Him - Stuff like this is way worse than wrestling, I don’t care how real it is. I do not want to see someone get into a shoving match because another guy’s cowboy hat was “all up on him”. [Cage Potato]
Humpday Mashup Dump: Skyrim Edition - I wanted to make an arrow in the knee joke, but I bought the game like two weeks too late and people have microscopic attention spans and a comedic expiration date of “the second time I’ve seen something”. Same thing happened to me with Portal. F**k you, the cake is still funny. [Gamma Squad]
The Weeping At Kim Jong Il’s Funeral Was Predictably Ridiculous - North Korea is more or less the “tough biker guy crying in fear when he sees a puppy” of people in real life. Like, I want to make fun of them, but Jesus, how f**ked up are they? Someone introduce Miley Cyrus to that country, stat. [UPROXX]
‘Modern Family’ Recut As A Horror Movie - Great, now it’s going to win all the SCREAM awards meant for the horror recut of Parks and Rec. [UPROXX]
Ben Affleck Plays Serious Harry Ellis - The best idea for a Die Hard prequel ever. Seriously, I would pay to watch two hours of Harry Ellis being a non-satirical American Psycho. [Film Drunk]
2011′s Most Popular Torrent Searches Prove Something We’ve Known All Along - I love that you have to have a qualifier to include WWE as TV. Hey, I’m a pussy vegan and I’m the one searching ‘WWE’. How else am I supposed to get the right pictures for the Best And Worst Of Raw? [Warming Glow]
Michele Bachmann Saying Literally Anything She Can On Fox News To Feign Iowa Momentum - As bad as things get, at least we can count on never having a lady who acts like this as our President. Terrifying. [Buzzfeed]
There’s Already A Majora’s Mask Remake, It’s Called Skyward Sword - True story: I was more excited for Twilight Princess than any video game in history. I kept up with news, put in pre-orders, everything. It got pushed back. Then it got pushed back farther. And farther. Then it was on a different system. By the time it actually came out we’d grown apart and it was blurry as f**k, and I never played past that stupid part where you have to fish and herd goats, or whatever. I changed, Zelda, and you didn’t. [Gamma Squad]
‘Modern Family’: The Most Effortlessly Predictable Show On TV - I agree with this, but wonder how funny it would’ve been to have had the Internet back when shows didn’t have to be dynamic. “WHY HAVEN’T SANFORD AND SON CHANGED THEIR RELATIONSHIP AT ALL THIS IS RIDICULOUS” [Warming Glow]
The KSK Sex & Fantasy Football Mailbag, Now Christian Friendly - I started my own Afternoon Snooze Button site, but it wasn’t on the Internet, and it turns out I was just on a ton of drugs. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
Really, Lionsgate? An American Psycho Remake? - So they’re “updating” and “modernizing” it, and best case scenario it’ll come out looking something like the Mila Kunis vehicle American Psycho: American Psychoer, The Chickening. [Film Drunk]
The New New Twitter Design Sure Looks Pretty - Awesome, now I can be ignored by celebrities and called the f-word on a more aesthetically pleasing interface! [UPROXX]
Pulp Fiction In Chronological Order Validates YouTube’s Time Limit Increase - They should modernize and reimagine and update Pulp Fiction, because the milkshake should be 15 dollars. [UPROXX]
Works Of Art: Rap’s 33 Most Memorable Illustrated Album Covers - Come for Drake getting cover ideas from Threadless, stay for “Lord Willin’”, the only time Jesus has ever been to Virginia Beach. [Smoking Section]
Video: Countdown To UFC 140 - I’d cover UFC more often, but I don’t want you guys to start leaving me GAWD IS THIS JUST AN MMA SITE NOW?? comments. [Cage Potato]
Lindsay Lohan Playboy Cover Leaks - Now all we need is for Jennifer Love Hewitt to wait until she’s 45 and pose pregnant or something to complete the biggest cock letdown in human history. [Buzzfeed]
The 10 Best Episodes of NBC’s Community - The top 3 are definitely right, but I would’ve moved paintball to third and found somewhere for Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas. [Pajiba]
Source: Alison Brie Still Adorable - I love ‘Community’, but every time I see her now I just wish ‘Mad Men’ was back. [Warming Glow]
Lebron James, Dwyane Wade & Friends Show #BasketBallNeverStops In Miami All-Star Game - The Westboro Baptist Church should try to get LET US PRAY trending. I think I like them more than I like the Miami Heat. [Smoking Section]
UFC Weekend Gif Round-up - UFC always works better for me in gif form, I don’t know why. One day I’m just gonna wake up like, “oh, right, I LIKE watching people get punched in the face for real”. [Cage Potato]
Monday PM Hot Clicks - Sending a link to the entire post because 1) the Were-Bear video is hilarious and awesome, and 2) you should see that new Buffalo Bills song video, but not here. Because holy sh*t it is terrible. [Hot Clicks]
The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 10/3 - Linking this here so you’ll have something positive to read about wrestling today. [With Leather]
The Best Of #Phil Dunphy - Hopefully a gif of him railing that lady from behind in Dawn Of The Dead is in here somewhere. [UPROXX]
Sunday School: Rating The NFL’s Week 5 Performances As Action Figures - I’m sad that M.A.S.K. had to be illustrated. I used to have the big Kings Dominion looking mountain gas station playset and everything. Muh muh muh mask. [SBN]
5 Online College Courses for Comic Book Fans - I feel like ART and ENGLISH should be in here, but I guess Rob Liefeld and Judd Winick didn’t need them, so why should fans? [Gamma Squad]
Woman Sues Drive For Not Being Enough Like Fast and Furious - I wish I could go back and do this to movies I hated. I want to sue Slackers for not being enough like Caddyshack. [Film Drunk]
Christina Aguilera And Axl Rose Are On The Same Diet, Apparently - Holy crap. In what world did Britney Spears suddenly win? [UPROXX]
Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner at Occupied Wall Street - I don’t know about those crates of peanut butter, but the rice and bean plate looks pretty great. [Buzzfeed]
Who Killed the Graphic Designer? Revisiting a Strange Trend in the Movie Posters of 1985 - The best part of this link is that there is literally no commentary, just a bunch of similar movie posters. Couldn’t you have at least added a “hey, look at Michael J. Fox you guys” under the Teen Wolf poster? [Pajiba]